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Are You The One For Me?
| There are many selt-tests in this book that help you determine things about yourself and whom you want to be with, plus some good advice and points. Good to get the book just for the tests. Some of the statements I do not agree with that are made in the book. Most of the points I do agree with are below. - Gregg | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Are You The One For Me? Barbara DeAngelis, Ph.D. Really suggest buying this book. It needs to be highlighted and reread when needed. - Gregg
Excerpts A significant age difference between partners can be a wonderful inspiration for growth, stretching each person's ability to love and understand the other, or it can be the cause of consistent tension and unhappiness that ultimately make staying together impossible.
The more you have in common and the more committed you are to working on the relationship, the better your chances for survival.
Trying to accept something you aren't comfortable with in your partner will only hurt that person more in the end, when your true feelings emerge.
Couples who share similar values have a much greater chance of creating a happy, harmonious, and lasting relationship.
A long-distance romance makes it easy for you to think the relationship is much better than it is, because you don't spend consistent quality time together.
The goal of two lovers in a "normal" relationshp should be to become more loving and intimate with one another. The goal of two long-distance lovers becomes to see one another again.
Honesty, integrity, and trustworthiness are essential ingredients for a healthy relationship.
When your partner is consistently honest with you, you will naturally trust them.
Your partner can only love you as much as they love themselves.
The more you love yourself, the harder it will be for you to abuse yourself physically or emotionally.
The more you love yourself, the less you'll allow others to mistreat you.
Sexual chemistry needs to exist in some form in order to distinguish your relationship from a friendship.
You and your partner need three ingredients to make your relationship work: Chemistry Compatibility Commitment
When you make a commitment to a relationship, you invest your attention and energy in it more profoundly because younow experience ownership of that relationship. |
Love Myth |
Love Reality |
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True love conquers all |
Love is not enough to make a relationship work - in needs compatibility and commitment [Gregg - and I will add communication, integrity and honesty] |
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When it's really true love, you will know it the moment you meet the other person. |
It takes just a moment to experience infatuation, but true love takes time. |
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There is only one true love in the world who is right for you. |
It is possible to experience true love with more than one person - there are many potential partners you could be happy with. |
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The perfect partner will fulfill you completely in every way. |
The right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them. |
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When you experience powerful sexual chemistry with someone, it must be love. |
Good sex has nothing to do with true love, but making love does! |
Seven Wrong Reasons To Be In A Relationship
1) Pressure |
When you make a decision to be with someone because of the pressure you feel (from yourself or others) rather than because the person seems right for you, you are giving your power away and ensuring an unhappy end to your love story. |
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2) Loneliness and Desperation |
When you are feeling lonely or desperate, you are much more likely to make poor love choices and end up in unfullfilling relationships.
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Be much pickier, Don't lower your standards just because you're feeling times are tough. You're not a store trying to get rid of old merchandise that puts it on sale -- You are a valuable, lovable human being who deserves to have the kind of relationship you want, not just the kind you think you can get.
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3) Sexual Hunger |
Do you have a s Sexual Hunger Limit (SHL), a period of time beyond which you feel "something is wrong" because you haven't been sexually active? It's good to know your SHL. YOu might want to put it on your calendar as the time approaches, so you can be careful to avoid getting involved with someone for the wrong reason! |
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4) Distraction from your own life |
Some people have relationships because they are bored with the lack of passion and purpose in their lives, and rather than looking within to find out why they feel that way, they get involved in a love affair and make that their purpose. These relationships never work because you aren't in love with the person -- you're in love with the distraction. |
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5) To avoid growing up |
Finding someone to take care of you so you don't have to grow up. |
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6) Guilt |
You remain in romantic situations not because you want to stay, but because you are afraid of what might happen if you left.
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When you decide to be with someone out of guilt and not love, you are ripping them and yourself off.
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7) To fill up your emotional or spiritual emptiness |
If you have deep places of emptiness within you, no partner, regardless of how much they love you, will be able to fill that emptiness.
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It is fullness that makes a relationship work, not emptiness.
Six biggest Mistakes we make in the Beginning of a Relationship
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Six Qualities to Look For In A Partner
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The key to choosing the right partner is to look for a person with good character, not simply a good personality. |
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