hello its me again with another problem. well me and my daughter left the town my daughters father lives in on thrusday we are not 5 hours away from him, he hasnt called to talk to her since we got her i understand that he works 3pm-11pm but my mom where i am staying has this long distance plan where he can dial a local number then this number and it wont charge him anything to call and he knows all this. his daughter is taking our break up extremly hard she says she wants to die and this is killing her she isnt her self anymore she mops around and isnt a normal happy little. she has night meres every nite where she is saying no daddy dont go lets be a family again dont leave daddy and she acts out worse then ever and she started having bathroom problems she has been potty trained for over a year now with no problems up until last saturday when he walked out on us she pees her pants all the time now and wets the bed she has never done this before. last nite she woke up with this scream that dieing scream at 11pm she wouldnt let me go for a second and cryed until 3:30am-4am and that got my mom crying seeing her only granddaughter go throw this and my siser was crying and we all cryed together its not right i dont know what to say to her i never talk bad about her dad nor does my family. she is always clinging to me wont let me outta her sight for a second not even to go to the washroom non of this is right and i am so mad at her father right now cuz she is going throw this and it doesnt seem like he cares at all he had all of today off work and couldnt pick up the phone to see if we even made it down here alright..i am starting to think if he does start to call that maybe i shouldnt let him talk to kaylee cuz this is hard on her now and then if she talks to him its just going to make her worse again i dont know i need some advise about all this i dont want to keep him away from his daughter but i think she needs some time to settle down well thanx again every
Responses to this article:
--- Sunday, June 27, 2004 -
Answer by: Enigma
Alexis,
Listen, I have two little people myself... they are 3 and 6.
When thier dad and I split up, while it was difficult and they suffered some anxiety and displacement... the well being and security of your children all lies in how YOU handle the break up.
To begin with, your daughter is only 3 years old... and while i'm very certain she misses her dad right now... it is up to you to NOT project how YOU'RE feeling about this situation upon her.
I understand that you don't feel you've done that... but take a step back here for a minute Alexis and think about what you've said or done when maybe you thought she wasn't listening or that she couldn't understand...
You need to sit down with Kaylee and tell her that right now mommy and daddy can't live together and that has NOTHING to do with her... that sometimes mommy's and daddy's simply cannot live together but that DOESN'T mean that you BOTH don't love HER a lot.
Let her know that Daddy is ALWAYS in her family and that he loves her a lot. At age 3 Alexis the idea that her dad left the family ISN'T okay... and because she is only 3 years old she didn't come up with that idea on her own... okay? enough said there...
I know you are going through a hard time Alexis... and I understand how hard it is to put on the brave happy face when you don't feel that way... however, pulling the covers over your head and letting Kaylee see how distraught you are isn't an option.
When her dad calls you need to let him be aware that Kaylee misses him and feels confused... tell him he needs to reassure her that he loves her and hasn't left her... she needs to talk to her dad Alexis and not allowing him to speak with her really is your way of trying to get back at him for leaving you... he is ALWAYS going to be her dad even if the two of you can't work it out.
I do understand girl... believe me I do... my little peoples dad is a straight asshole and very self absorbed... BUT he is STILL thier dad and that is forever.
Hope it gets better for all of you... broken families are always sad and it's always difficult to regain your footing and move on... but in time you will ALL be okay... as long as you and her dad take the right steps to make Kaylee feel secure in the love you BOTH have for her, she will be okay in time as well.
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