Title:
Should you take someone back after they left you?
By:
Jay
I dated a young woman for 8 months, I fell in love, my first love, I'm 23 and now alone. She's moved on into an abusive relationship and now wants out. She's asked for my help and says she wants me back. I do still Love her and she says she loves me and the other guy was just a fall back guy. Should I take her back after she leaves this guy?
Responses to this article:
--- Wednesday, June 30, 2004 - Gotta try
Answer by: Jack
Jay, You gotta try, because do you know what happens if you don't try? ....Nothing.
--- Wednesday, June 30, 2004 -
Answer by: Enigma
Jay,
Okay, so it seems that she was wanting to get more serious in the relationship at that time, and you didn't feel ready for that...
Listen, it seems that this girl hooked up with her currant boyfriend on the rebound... always a mistake... regardless, she now wants you to somehow "save" her from that and get back together with her...
HOWEVER there are some things to keep in mind here... first, SHE needs to end things with this guy regardless if the two of you get back together or not. If he is abusive to her and she doesn't want to be in the relationship then it is up to her to get out... IF she is staying there UNLESS OR UNTIL you agree to take her back, then to me Jay that is a huge red flag that she is someone who doesn't feel okay on HER OWN and always needs a back up so to speak.
Because the two of you didn't break up due to infidelity on either part or it doesn't sound like there was any lying going on about what was going on in the relationship, then I can't see any reason not to give her another chance IF it's what you BOTH really want to do... and it's for the right reasons...
The right reasons being you Love this girl, and she feels the same for you... you have mutual trust, and respect and are both on the same page for what your expectations are.
The wrong reasons being that you somehow want to save her or she feels you need to rescue her...
She absolutly needs to end the currant relationship before I would even consider taking her seriously about trying again...
Good Luck
--- Wednesday, June 30, 2004 -
Answer by: Emma
And how do you feel about such things now Jay? Could you ever imagine marrying this girl? They say absence makes the heart grows fonder so happen the relationship ending made you realise how you truly felt?
I'm just guessing but I notice in your initial post you say that now you're alone - do you feel empty not having just anyone in your life or having her, in particular, being part of your life?
That's the distinction I think - if she is the person you truly love then this is your opportunity to be with her again. And now if maybe you would consider a relationship with her being more serious, with the idea of a more long term commitment in the future, then you should talk to her, start dating again if it feels right and take things from there...
Take a chance if it feels right but don't be tempted to get back with her for the sake of not being alone. Whatever you choose to do don't rush things.
Best of luck
--- Wednesday, June 30, 2004 - She was alot more ready than i was
Answer by: Jay
Can we just say that she was alot more ready to move the situation up a step further than i was?? say...Marriage...
--- Tuesday, June 29, 2004 - A Second Chance
Answer by: Just A LiL Person
Open up your eyes, even though I don't know the reason why you & this girl broke up, & that she might have treated you wrong, & if she did i'm pretty sure that's a diff. story, but neways....U need to notice that this is your second chance at being with the person you love the most. If you truly think that you love her & that you're never going to forget about her in any way, than give her that second chance. She obviously needs your help right now as a friend, & if you love her than you'll help her out when she needs it the most & this is a good time to show her exactly how much you care. Things happen for a reason, so maybe her getting into a bad relationship with this other guy is just a reason to make her realize what she had with you. Don't let this slip by!~
--- Tuesday, June 29, 2004 -
Answer by: Enigma
Jay,
Can you be more specific as to why the two of you broke up to begin with?
--- Tuesday, June 29, 2004 - Grow up
Answer by: The One and Only
Dear Jay, Hey man there are plenty of fish in the sea, if your gonna dwell on some ho that left you for a guy who hits her, well man you get what you deserve.
--- Tuesday, June 29, 2004 - Follow Your Heart
Answer by: No One Important
Dear Jay, It is very hard to make this decision for you. I can only tell you what I would do...
Follow what your heart tells you to do...if you love this person. *Truly love them* And you are positive that they still love you, don't let them slip away. Sit her down and have a nice, long, conversation with her. Tell her exactly how you feel. If you never tell her, she'll never know. Let her know that she is your first love.
You never know...she could be the one you end up marrying. You just have to follow your heart.
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