Title: Mixed signals - to it is over

By: ladyj07087

Scenario: I am 27 going on 28. Boyfriend is 31. We've been going out for almost 2 yrs off and on. We've broken up several times but its always the same we call each other and talk and get back.


Well back in memorial day weekend of this yr, that week he started acting differently. Even thought for 3 mos we had been making plans for that weekend. When that weekend came he was acting a little shady. Like if we had not made plans. We hung out that weekend from Fri-Sat. I think he was upset a little but didnt tell me that he was upset, because I had to go home earlier in the weekend then I had anticipated. I tried calling him Sunday no answer.
Called the monday we were off from work, no answer. Now normally if I have some free time like on day we're off from work he would tell me coem by even if I do not answer. Well I showed up at his house. He seemed shocked but okay with it. But then like 30 mins later he started acting irrate with me. He started ranting saying I shouldnt of wasted my money coming over, that I know he hates it when I show up unannounced. I told him I was sorry if it bothered him and I would go home. He said no I dont think we should see each other anymore. He said it not cuz he wants to date other people. It's because he always feels like I have more feelings for him then he does for me. He said thats not right.
Anyway I was distraught. I left. Next day at work, he calls me. Saying in reference to last night maybe we should talk. Well I agreed but later that day he chickened out saying he was tired if we could do it for Friday. Friday rolls around we meet up but he doesnt talk about it and I admit I was too chicken.
Then for the following 2 weeks, he would call me at work, but when I would ask if we could meet up he would say this weekend is not good, we would even talk on the weekends.
Next, for the next 2 weekends, we were cool, he would call me at work we would meet up after work and on the weekends.
Finally last week, on Weds, we spoke, things seemed normal, he even called my house cuxz he was working late that night. I call him the next day at work we spoke for a bit he said I should of called him last night. I called him later at work, the same day he seemed muffloed but I didnt take it personal becuase maybe work had him stressed, difference was he normally calls me at work before he goes every night to tell me good nite or hes leaving for the day. The newxt day on a Fri. I call him at work in the morning he said I wouldnt understand but his ex-girlfriend (his 1st girlfriend) he grandmother died on an airplane she had a heart attack. The reason it was of significance to him was that when he dated his ex, he was thrown out of his house by his mom and that grandmother took him in for a bit. He siad he was distraught over that. I gave him my sympathy. I called later that I said I was going to pass by I had to pick up something also maybe he needed company, he said didnt think it was a good idea he just not in the mood.
Fine. I was alittle shocked and depressed over the whole thing. I went out for drinks with my coworkers, (Ugh!) Of course when I finised I called him at 12:30 that night hoping he was sleeping, normally hes not. But he was and I said okay I let you sleep call you tomorrow. I call the next day on Sat. at night. No answer. I call Sunday and left a message inviting him somewhere; nothing, no answer. Well Monday I figure maybe I can ask him if I can come over. I figure this will be my opportunity to talk and if its that he found someone new or doesnt want to talk to me atleast I can get that closure.
I call him at work, I ask him if I can come over tonight after work. There is a lonnnnnnnng pause, He asks me you need to get something? I said sure thats what it is. He said okay fine. Calls me back a minute later and says I'm just tired and rather sleep tonight, maybe another day.
Called him at work to see if he was going for the day and I said you think maybe tomorrow or Friday would be better to pass by he said we'll talk about it later. Well I guess I know I have been persistant. And for me its the anxiety of not knowing whats going on. This relationship is always been like this. Never knowing whats going on or anything. I dont like being on top of him like that but I also know when someone is bs'ing me. I mean that whole stint with the grandmother thing might be true but he hasnt spoken to any of those people in ages I dont get it all the sudden but if it's true I guess we all deal with grief in our own way.
I guess I want to know how should I approach this. What questions should I ask? If I am going to walk away from this, I want answers. I dont like people candy-coating things.
Thanks!

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Monday, July 19, 2004 - Agree with Sam
Answer by: Gregg

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Monday, July 19, 2004 -
Answer by: sam