I am in a relationship with one the greatest men on the planet. He doesn't cheat, he doesn't look at other girls openly, he's understanding, trusting, good looking, and knows me through and through. I love him very much, but our sex life is very dry. Most of the time I am not in the mood, but he always is and constantly asks me for it. I'm just never in the mood. I hate it, and to be honest it's gotten to the point where he can't even turn me on anymore... Anyway, the sex situation aside, I've known this other guy for a few years, but he's always been just a friend to me, but after a weekend camping and spending a whole bunch of time together, I think I like him A LOT more than I should. I really want to get over him because I love my boyfriend more than anything, but it seems like everytime I forget about him (we live in different cities so I never see him) he calls me or does something super nice and pulls my heart strings again. He's no where near my boyfriend as far as being a one woman man and a good guy, so I would never leave my guy for him, but the fact that I'm even thinking about this guy has made me seriously look at my relationship, and I keep thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend. But I don't want to. Or do I? I have no idea... All I know is that I would not be able to live without my boyfriend in my life, but sometimes I think that maybe we're growing into more of just friends... HELP!!!!!!!
Responses to this article:
--- Sunday, July 25, 2004 -
Answer by: confuzed_gurl
hey, um very interesting situation, the question is do u love ur bf adn if u do can u imagine ur life with out him and with another guy, and for the sex life i dont know wat to tell u except u might be under stress so that puts u out of the mood, so think really hard and make a decision. Good luck making the descision
--- Sunday, July 25, 2004 -
Answer by: Emma
Hi Sam :) Excellent advice - you are obviously back on form & it's great to see!
--- Saturday, July 24, 2004 -
Answer by: Sam
Bascially, you just need to do some thinking and make a decision. You have a lot of nice things to say about your boyfriend, but the question is, are you happy with him? He could possess all the best qualities in a mate, and it still doesn't mean you'll have a great relationship on your hands and be madly in love. Are you really in love with him? Ask yourself this question seriously.
As for the sexual problem, are you on any medications that could affect your sex life? Having some stress in your life? Or are you perhaps just losing interest in your boyfriend?
All in all if you truly love your boyfriend, you'll find a way to work on the sexual problems and reconnect with him again -- be it by having a romantic getaway, visiting an adult shop, or just spending more quality time together -- dating and romancing. In order for this relationship to even grow and work, however -- you have to stop talking to this other guy, period. In fact I think you should be honest with your boyfriend about what's up and communicate to him your feelings. Things can't be solved in relationships if they are left alone and not worked on. Relationships are like a plant (more so a Bonsai bush), it needs nurturing and care in order for health and growth to occur. Not working on it will only leave the plant to it's demise.
So, in conclusion -- you have some serious questions to ask yourself. You owe it to yourself to be honest with yourself and to choose to be happy, but whatever you do, be honest with other people in the process and don't make a decision you'll regret.
(Hi Emma)
--- Saturday, July 24, 2004 -
Answer by: Emma
Okay, it seems that you are seeking to find what is missing in your otherwise perfect relationship in someone else & because of this I really question your feelings for this other guy...
Just because the "spark" isn't there in your sex life doesn't mean that you have to grow into being "just friends". And whilst I understand having incompatible sex drives is frustrating & at times deflating it does not mean that the relationship is over. You should at least try to work through it...
Currently, it doesn't sound as though you've taken any steps to ease this problem & there are many reasons why you're having difficulties... maybe you just have a low sex drive, it happens. But if it's a case of "he just doesn't turn me on" - you have to put some effort into it too!
Don't just focus on sex - focus on the whole concept of lovemaking in a wonderful relationship, for you admit that sex is the only flaw there is. Take time out to be alone with each other, to get close to each other, hold him & enjoy that closeness without the sex. Then as time progresses, experiment - tell him what you like & what you don't like. Better understanding is what it takes to achieve what you lack...
Without the communication to let each other know what's on your mind, the battle is lost before you've even begun. Get this distraction out of your head, this other guy - & focus your attention on the person you love, make efforts to work through things. Your indecision about your relationship is due only to your currently bland sex life - surely it's worth fighting for?
Don't give up without trying, like I say - make more effort at becoming comfortable with being intimate with your boyfriend. Take all of this love that the two of you share & express it physically - take it slowly & let him know how you feel... he can't try to improve things if you keep him shut out like this & to give up on such a wonderful relationship over something which could be solved so easily is a real shame... you'll regret it one day.
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