Title:
Ex is married, but still has feelings for me
By: JR
I dated this girl (we'll call her Jill) through the ages of 15-17, I had a crush on her since i was 12. She is a year younger than I, and we became very close with one another, inseperable, we weren't just dating we were honestly best friends, we even seriously talked about when we would get married.
To make a long story short, things went downhill after some friends of ours started telling us lies about eachother, and being as young as we were, we believed them, and the trust between us started to decay. Her and I stopped talking for about 2 1/2 years. Throughout that time she met a guy almost 7 years older, and she got engaged.
A year ago, we bumped into eachother, and we began to talk again. She even invited white water rafting with her, her fiancé and a few of her friends..i went and we had a good time, myself and her 'husband to be' became good friends, and things seemed like they were going good. I was happy i could be there, because she always meant so much to me. I truly loved her. But the problem is that I always took our 'separating' really hard, and undernieth it all, i still love her in more than a best friend type of way. But i would always ignore the thought if it ever came to mind.
I am just turning twenty, and she's been married now for 10 months...and we still consider each other best friends. But i know i shouldn't hang out with her that much because i dont want feelings to stir up. But we do hang out once every month or two, just so we dont lose touch again. Last week though, a girl who i was involved with decided to go back home to the east coast, i live in Ontario. we thought it would be best to just end everything. So Jill, myself and her husband decided to go out and have some drinks to make me feel better. Well only Jill and i had some drinks, and her husband didn't start to feel all that well, so he stopped, he didn't have enough to be drunk, but her and i did. He watched as she was being very close with me, "comforting" me because of my loss. She started asking 'what if' questions about her and I, and at one point we even held hands (not in his view) I even kissed her on the head. Her husband didn't seem fazed by any of this.
But now all these feelings have been brought up in me, and now i cant stop thinking "what if" and I need to know how to stop feeling for her in that way, its been 3 years since it was 'over' and not one day has she not crossed my mind. Its getting ridiculas. How do i stop thinkning about her without losing our friendship? And i havent been able to date a girl that i've felt more for than Jill. Please Help me
Sorry its soo long.
Responses to this article:
--- Thursday, July 29, 2004 -
Answer by: Sam
JR, I am going to sound lke a lecturer here, but what's going on here is not ok.
This girl is married now, and although she sounds really immature and is behaving in an inappropriate way as a married woman -- she has taken vows to be with another man, and you should not ever get between them and interfere.
If you are a friend to her and to this husband of hers, you'll stop hanging around them so much until you are absolutely sure you feel for her as only a friend.
For real, man -- move on, and don't beak up a marriage.
--- Thursday, July 29, 2004 -
Answer by: Enigma
JR,
"What If?" isn't the question any longer...
She is married, period.
While going down "memory lane" is okay, you need to keep it in perspective and for real, so does she.
Things didn't work out for the two of you so long ago for a reason... while you may not see what that reason is right now, time will sort that out for you.
You've become friends with her husband... and all things considered I think it is pretty decent of him to have you around with HIS WIFE considering he knows your history with her.
You really need to put things in perspective here... what happened between the two of you is history... and now you have an opportunity to renew the friendship and have made a friend in her husband as well.
Respect that she is married... and if you're unable to get over these feelings for her then please care enough about her and yourself to stop coming around kidding yourself that it's about the "friendship"
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