Title:
possesive and over-controlling bf! i need ur help!
By: Eurasianbabe
Hello i would like to ask 4 ur opinion on this
i have a boyfriend that i got to know from the internet,thru a penpal website.we got to know each other like 5 months ago and now,we have become very close.he is 31 and im 15 years old.i know this is terrible but its true.i have done almost everything with him,including losing my virginty to him.he appreciates it very much and now says i "belong to him" and he owns me.
it sounds very good and all,however theres another side to this romantic guy.he is very very very jealous and possesive.i cannot keep guy friends cos he will get jealous,before i go out with friends,i must inform him where,with who and what's my friends gender.he even checks my mobile phone whenever my mobile beeps to signify a text message ha arrived.and when he finds out its from a guy,he glares at me angrily
i remembered the other time,i said i wanted a gay friend to go out to town with,shopping,catching movies and talking to and he said NO! but when i ask him to go to town with him he says he doesnt want to,rather hang about in my neighbourhood.
and whenever im at the park with him or at the beach and theres guys jogging about or swimming and i look ( hey,its natural right?) and he says...haha lots of eye candy right?and squeezes me tight.
yesterday,i was at the park with him and i teased him saying i wouldnt stay with him,he could dream on,and then he held my hands really really tight and asked me to reapeat what i just said...i didnt wana repeat and he kept squeezing my hands so tight till they hurt and i repeated my answer.and he said,OH U DARE LEAVE ME?i said i was just joking but i could see his face turned red.
i asked him what could he do if i left him and he said he would cum in me and make me have a baby so i would have no choice but to stay with him 4ever.
today,i didnt wana go to the park near my house with him but instead i wanted to go catch a movie in town with my guy friend,Samuel and he got jealous and said i broke his heart and ever since i came back home,i have tried calling him but he switched off his mobile phones.i duno what he is up to now.
last time,my ex boyfriend used to stalk me and i told him that,and he says u go out with Samuel,u will get another stalker.i was really frightened and when i was walking home today,i wanted to just hit my head and die of fear
now after all i have said u would suggest me to leave him but the problem is i don't want to,i still love him and feel its really unfair to him since he loves me so much.
all our occasional quarrels stem from his jealousy and possesiveness.
now,what should i do?i love him but he's really acting weird!
plz give me an answer people!thank u very much! and love u all!
Responses to this article:
--- Thursday, July 29, 2004 -
Answer by: SouthernGal421
Ok i agree. Thy in the world would a 31 yr old want with a 15 yr old. *so he can have all control *to have sex with *to abuse I hate to break this to u hun but this guy doesn't love you!!!! Love is ALWAYS patient and kind, it is NEVER jelous. If you keep on bein with him, he's goin to be more abusive. Even if he did get u pregnant and u decided to keep it.... most likely he would abuse your child. I'm tellin u girl GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--- Monday, July 26, 2004 -
Answer by: confuzed_gurl
hey gurl, listen if he loves u y would he do that, he would let u have ne friend, and y would u want a guy to do that and act like that, it makes no sense.And if u dont leave him not, who knows if he will become more obsessive and beat u to death, then ur not gonna have a life.
--- Monday, July 26, 2004 -
Answer by: nikki
these people are right! he doesnt love you and if you stay with him it will just get worse and worse. my mother was in an abusive relationship for 5 years and it started out just like this, you beleive him when he says he loves you and you think you love him back. so im begging you to leave him now because beleive me when i say it will just get worse!
--- Sunday, July 25, 2004 -
Answer by: Enigma
Uuhhh... ever wonder what a 31 year old guy wants with a 15 year old kid?
Could it be that he can more easily CONTROL YOU?
This guy doesn't "love you" sweetheart. He is abusing you,and controlling you.
Wierd how he acts like he's your dad on some level uh? Probably because you are a little girl sweetie! You're only 15 years old and he is a sick individual!
Please get away from this creep, tell your parents about him, report his sorry butt to the police before he hurts you bad.
--- Sunday, July 25, 2004 - Dangerous
Answer by: OPP
Eurasianbabe,
Your being with this guy is not good. He does not sound like a good guy. I would suggest you leave him. You will find a new love, and one who treats you better. The guy you are with should not have to make you fear leaving him. What he is doing is a sign that he does not love you at all.
He is controlling you with fear and lies. If you are 15, then he is also breaking the law in Singapore, if that is where you are. The legal age for sex is 16 there.
Be careful with breaking up with him, and do not be afraid of going to the police or calling them if he threatens you or you are scared. You have not done anything wrong, and if he gets in trouble it would be his fault, not yours.
Gregg@loveisgreat.com
--- Sunday, July 25, 2004 -
Answer by: Emma
On my! This is WRONG, very very WRONG - do your parents know about this guy? You barely know him; did you know how old he was when you first exchanged correspondence online? Or did he lull you into a false sense of security for you thought he was only 15, made you like him & then broke the news later on - when you liked him too much to just let him go?
The way you met this guy worries me in itself - as it does many parents whose children surf the Net and talk to complete strangers...
ANYONE who says "you belong to me" at ANY phase of ANY relationship needs putting in their place, but for this to be from a thirty-one year old man who has just had illegal sex with a fifteen year old child makes me shiver with fear for you. You need to get out of this...
He is also controlling you & making you fear him - which, like I said before, is not acceptable in ANY relationship. From what you describe it sounds as though he is threatening & abusive which also scares the crap outta me. Relationships are NOT supposed to be like this - you need to seek help & quick.
Just because you lost your virginity to him & have been led into this unhealthy relationship does NOT mean that it has to continue a day longer. How can you love someone who treats you this way? You don't, you are afraid & so am I. You are young, not yet an adult & this sounds like abuse.
You are the innocent victim here, you have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty of - you just need to make an adult aware of the situation you find yourself trapped in. For that is what's happened, you are trapped by his aggressive temperament & his manic jealousy. This is NOT how a relationship is supposed to be & I think you have lost track of reality in that department. Your ex stalked you so you must have been affected emotionally by the nature of that relationship - all I'm saying is this behaviour is NEVER okay.
Break the cycle - 5 months is too soon in my opinion for ANY relationship to become sexual but considering yours & his ages - the intentions can only be the wrong ones. It's improper & you losing your virginity to him because he "appreciates it" is heart rendering to hear...
This guy has taken your naivety & trust then trampled all over it. I fear that if you do come to your senses & really SEE how you are being abused now, he will become even more aggressive therefore you MUST seek out a safe haven to go to before he knows you won't allow this to continue.
Truthfully, anyone here can see he has manipulated you & an adult will view it exactly this way. Talk to a parent, a teacher, ANYONE in authority - don't stay with him a day longer... This guy is a criminal who needs to be dealt with - Lord knows how many other young girls have suffered at this hands - I shudder to imagine...
LOVE QUESTIONS & ANSWERS: Love Q & A : Get your love & relationship questions answered - NEW!! Love Q&A Forum | Old Love Q&A Love Pros : Professional Help with love's challenges & relationships
