If you remember my long post titled "Tell me how to be more patient" you may have some more advice for me. :) I am still sitting here, waiting on this man. It seems as if since our conversation when he told me he was applying for another job to eliminate that obstacle, etc. that he has been even less attentive~almost as if that was enough and since I agreed to be patient he doesn't have to do anything in the mean time. He rarely calls any more (we use to talk for hours as this was our only opportunity to 'spend time' with each other) and when he does it is for brief (less than five minutes) conversations and he tells me that he is going to call me back 'after he gets his son to sleep,' or 'after he does this or that,' and he doesn't do it anymore. He use to tell me he couldn't sleep without hearing my voice and now, it seems as if he crawls into bed not giving me a second thought, not even when he promises to call me back. He doesn't spend any time with me to speak of (maybe 15 minutes a week) and no longer emails me either. When we do talk it seems like lately that he has become more distant rather than closer to me. If we do have the opportunity to have a long conversation over the phone (30 minutes tops), he says things that make me feel as if he cares so much about me and sees a future for us, yet he acts as if he can take it or leave it any other time. He just doesn't show me in any way what or how he feels--nothing except a few words if he decides to talk to me over the phone and that is if I begin the conversation and basically drag him into the emotional realm to talk about it. Any other time, I am left wondering. I just feel as if I am on a damn emotional roller-coaster and, obviously, that is because I am. He told me he thinks I am so incredible, wonderful, etc., but he does nothing to show me what he thinks..it is all words and no actions and now, even the words are disappearing. If and when I bring it up in a kind, understanding way, all I hear is, 'I am just wore out after the end of the day and I am just tired.' Shit! So am I!! I have three kids I raise on my own and one is just 20 months old! I have a retail store I own and am just starting up, I sell advertising, I am editing the final copy of my latest novel, I have to keep a home, I run an internet business for consignment items (eBay) that has to be managed nightly for at least 3 hours a night, etc. and I STILL find time to e-mail, to call and to spend time with him whenever he asks...I have never said no because I MAKE time for him. You have to realize, I have NEVER demanded anything from this man and now I feel he is taking advantage of that fact. On one hand I am afraid to begin asking for things (as I don't want to lose him) and on the other hand, I feel as if I should be receiving, not always giving and getting nothing in return. I feel as if I am being played for a fool--he gets all he asks of me and I rarely get a phone call out of the deal. So, what are your thoughts now?
Responses to this article:
--- Wednesday, July 28, 2004 - He tripped me up
Answer by: Elizabeth
Ok~so, today, he calls me and wakes me up in the morning to say 'Good Morning and wish me a good day.' Then, later today he called to tell me that when he saw me when I dropped my daughter off that I looked very pretty today. And tonight he tripped me up bigtime! I told him that I felt we should just break it off and cut our losses because I feel I have lost so much already waiting on him and getting nothing in return--it was much more in depth and much more adult--but this is the bare bones of it anyway. He BEGGED me not to break it off; he asked me to just think about it, pleaded that I not go. He promised he would try to invest more time and assured me it was not a lack of desire to be with me, but a lack of time to share and nothing else. He apologized for falling asleep with his son and not calling me back every day this week and he wants to make plans for this weekend... What the hell am I supposed to do with this??
--- Wednesday, July 28, 2004 -
Answer by: Sam
Honestly, you just need to evalute here. What do you want from a man in a relationship? Are you getting what you want from this guy? You're absolutely right -- he WOULD make time for you, no excuses there. Truthfully, based on the info you've given in your post, I think this relationship is over. You seem to be contributing more of a ratio in this relationship. It seems like you're putting in 110 percent here -- your heart, and he is putting in, what? 5 percent of his time? That is not fair whatsoever to you, and he knows it. Something is going on here. Either there is another woman in his life, or he doesn't want to be the one to break up with you and is waiting for you to get fed up, or maybe there isn't a reason at all as to why he is behaving this way. Regardless of all the analyzing we could do here, all in all he is clearly pushing you away, and perhaps it's time for you to put your foot down and move on. Don't settle. You deserve so much better than this.
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