Ok,first off I just want to thank everyone who has helped me with this...but something went terribly wrong!I sat my soon to be wife down and told her straight out that I was gay.But she didn't believe me.And now she thinks I made up this whole thing because I just don't like her anymore and she tried to accuse me of cheating.Well she didn't exactly say that but she asked if I was seeing another woman. And she's probably going to tell her brothers and her whole family that I'm cheating on her.And to make matters worse I told my best friend that I was gay,and he didn't believe me either...and he won't talk to me now. So please!I'm begging you help me get my life back!Thanks again.
Responses to this article:
--- Friday, August 27, 2004 -
Answer by: Emma
Hey Sam - that's good to hear babe ;)
Seriously though - that's some nice advice from Sam - look JPL, no matter what were to happen (now or in the future) you needed to get this out in the open. For real, could you really go on living a lie? This is your life so you've totally done the right thing, don't go on trying to protect people because sometimes, no matter how hard you try to control everything for everyone, it still falls to pieces around you...
The truth always outs in the end JPL - why not live life while you're still around uh? And if that means hurting a few people (who will get over it in time) to begin with then so be it. You did right to have put yourself first...
All that you can do from here on is to repeat what you have already announced & hold your head high. People who you thought you knew may change beyond all recognition (when you tell them something they don't want to hear or be something they don't want you to be) & you're old enough to realise the likely long terms effects of being the person you are & allowing yourself to lead a happy life...
Stand by what you've said & tell these people that it hurts for them to think you're joking. Let's face it - it makes up the person you are; therefore if someone's laughing, accusing you of pulling their leg then it's gotta hurt, uh? You've done the right thing here; the relationship with this girl was never going to be...
This friend of yours will come round soon - I'm sure. Understand that this is a shock for everyone, but that it's better sooner than later. Remain friends with this girl, let her know that you're still going to be there for her - I guarantee once she gets over the hurt she's feeling right now she'll come to realise that what you have done has set you free & be happy for you...
In the meantime, stay strong & start living. Flip the bird at the gossips - nobody needs the approval of people like that. People out there will accept you for who you are - often it's just a case of breaking free from all too familiar faces & finding a new crowd...
Best of luck @:-)
--- Thursday, August 26, 2004 -
Answer by: Enigma
JP,
Well to begin with, i'm sure this information was a great shock to her and to your best friend... as it will be to the rest of your family and friends.
I think that both your girl and your best friend are in denial regarding this news as you probably had been for awhile yourself... and part of the process of coming to terms with news such as this is often to deny it is happening as a way to avoid having to change things or do anything different.
Both your girl and your friend (and others who know and love you as well) may go through a whole lot of emotions before they are able to come to terms with this news and finally find acceptance of it.
Right now your girl is hurt, shocked and confused... and all that is going to help her is time...
Good Luck
--- Thursday, August 26, 2004 -
Answer by: Sam
By the way -- I am straight -- I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea in the advice I gave, LOL!
--- Thursday, August 26, 2004 -
Answer by: Sam
The whole family is obviously going to know "something" has happened as to why you're calling the wedding off -- everyone is going to be upset and everyone is going to be disappointed. BUT -- you must stand by telling your girlfriend truth here! The family can think of whatever they want... but SHE has to know the truth. You are doing the right thing, JPL, by coming out now and calling the wedding off... instead of going through with it and ending up having a disasterous marriage and everyone enevitably becoming more broken hearted with a phoney marriage license. Dude, you're gay, so DON'T marry this woman. If you do everything will be much, much worse and full of more pain and heartache. Continue to assure her that it's THE TRUTH. If she wants to go and tell her family a bunch of B.S. then so be it. Perhaps she doesn't want to be embarassed. Let her tell them anything she wants -- she may be to upset to tell her that you're leaving her because you're gay... with all do respect man, that has to be very hard and painful for her to take. However, the fact of the matter is -- your relationship with this girl is over. You are gay. She isn't. End it all now before things even get more out of hand, but keep telling HER the truth. Let her know how sorry you are and be there for her emotionally -- but since you're gay, it's better you came out now rather than later. It's hard on BOTH of you that this has happened. I know that it can't be easy for you, JPL, to have to do this to everyone including this girl. But for real -- you are honestly doing her a huge favor by ending everything now. She will get over the pain eventually and move on and find someone else. And you can go on not living a lie, right?
As for your friend, he's adjusting to the shock, but he'll get over it in time.
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