Title: Andres here

By:

today was our anniversary for when Missy and I first met. but all is not well.

I try discussing things with my parents and they spit right back at me. I feel i am growing further apart from my family. My brother and I dont even talk, and if we do, we just fight. My mom is always arguing with him, and they never seem to stop. She is always raising her voice when she does this, and it makes me really angry. I hate to say it, and I know I shoudnt, but sometimes I seem to feel a deep hatred for her. She thinks Missy is just full of garbage. I couldnt take it anymore today, so I told her, "CANT YOU EVER ARGUE WITHOUT HAVING TO RAISE YOUR VOICE!?" She told me to go to hell, and said "why dont you move out of the house then?" I merely said fine and she shot back with "Why dont you go and stay with Missy who wants you so much." I dont think she should even bring her up in these cases. She always complains about everything that I do.

My step father, all he is ever concerned about is money, and he it seems like he doesnt care about much else. He has called me a "fucking idiot" quite a few times. I used to work for him, which made me gain an interest in law, but now it just feels awkward. I havent said a word to him yet about missy and I getting together. I think he sees himself in me, and he wants me to be just like him, a hungry-for-money asshole. When he found out I was writing poetry, he said I was "gay", and I think he considers me to be a wimp or a sissy. And my deepest fear is that he will come out and say "No u cant go to college with missy." He dislikes her too for some unknown reason, always saying she fat, which she isnt. I always end up defending her. He tells me, "u can do better than her." And I hate that.

My real father is like the only person I have a close bond with now. Sad thing is I hardly ever see him or talk to him. He understands how I feel about MIssy. He actually has a sensitive side, unlike my step father.

My friends dont seem like much friends anymore either. One who I once thought of as my best friend, is a total asshole, with an ego larger than his bigass head. (yeah, his head is big). Then there are others who just use me.

Im beginning to feel very isolated.
Now,this friday, my family and I will go on that cruise, the same ship, same weekend, Labor Day weekend, as the one Missy and I first met. If we happen to sit with another family, they will all put on their little act, their false personalities.

I feel very hurt and Im confused, as I am also being pressured by all my school work. My grades are even beginning to slip. My self esteem isnt as low as it used to be, and I dont let peer pressure even get to me.

But I spoke with Missy today before she went to work. We remembered the days of the cruise and how she thought I looked like a little boy when she first met me. We told one another that we loved eachother. She really makes me feel complete, and I feel like I just wanna put all of this behind me, to get away from it all, and to just be with her. When I speak to her now, it feels that all my pain is gone because now I know she wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her. BUt I feel that my family is holding me back.

I had gone to a wedding the previous night, and I caught the garter, which I had to put around the leg of the girl who caught the bouquet. I told Missy this, and how embarrassing it was, and she was laughing. She then said, "I bet u wish it was me" she giggled and said soflty, "I love u." "luv u too." She is completely unaware of all the trouble I have to go thru with my family, and she probably assumes there are no problems. But if I know I can spend the rest of my life with Missy, then I will have nothing to worry about, I will feel like the strongest man alive. If she finds out that we cannot be together because of my family, I know she will be terribly hurt, and I will be hurt for her as well.
Before she had to go, I blew her a kiss over the phone and said "love ya, have fun at work!' as a tease. She laughed and said," k, love u too, i will!'

The only roadblock that stands in my way. I just need some advice to convince my family that I wanna be with her that it is my decision on where I want to go and study, and not their own, because it is my life. I just need some help please. What do you suggest i do? Thank u in advance.

Andres

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Tuesday, August 31, 2004 -
Answer by: Emma