Right... Here goes: Theres a lad i work with, who i really like. Ive stayed ovre at this lads house a few times, and things have happened. I found out the other day that another girl from work stayed over once, and things happened then too. But that is none of my business, as we are not together, and he is free to do what he likes. The thing is, i stopped over recently, and whilst he thought i was sleeping, he kissed me. I dont really know what this means. I know he isnt ready for a relatinship, and i dont think i am either. But i thought maybe this shows he wants to be close to me, but cant tell me.. Oh i dont know!! If anyone can enlighten me on the situation, i really would br very greatful.
Thankyou
Keeli x
Responses to this article:
--- Sunday, September 19, 2004 - Thank You
Answer by: x ~ Keeli ~ x
Thank you alot for replying... I am ALWAYS careful, and do not do anything without protection.
I do think alot of him, yeh... But i dunno what it is. I get a feeling he feels more than he wants to let anyone know. Maybe im just being stupid, its just hard. It really is..
Oh well, Thank You
Keeli
--- Sunday, September 19, 2004 -
Answer by: Enigma
Keeli, Yes... enlightenment...
Well Keeli, to begin with when you're intimate with someone then whom else they are intimate with really IS your business. You know that YOU have a clean bill of health right? Do you know IF this guy you're intimate with is also clean? Do you know IF the other girl he is intimate with is clean? Do you know IF she is intimate with ANYONE ELSE and they are clean?
This is very risky behaviour and it CAN and DOES lead to STD's.
Secondly... you wonder if this guy kissing you while he thought you were sleeping means he wants to be close to you... Well Keeli, IF we are to measure how "close" someone wants to be with to us OR we are to measure IF someone wants a relationship with us based upon how intimate we become with them, then I guess his being intimate with you would indicate that he indeed does want to be close to you... HOWEVER that ISN'T how it is measured or indicated for what someone wants from us regarding a "romantic relationship" that my friend is measured in how that person treats us... and when the person you are intimate with is also intimate with someone else, that ISN'T someone who is holding you "close" to his heart, that is someone who wants to get (or in your case stay) "close" to you... like close enough to get your pants off.
You've said that he isn't "ready" for a relationship... well the translation there is this>> HE isn't WILLING to be committed to YOU, HE isn't WILLING to be MONOGAMOUS with YOU, HE isn't that into YOU. I'm sorry Keeli but IF this guy was into you REALLY into you he would NEVER risk allowing you to be a "free agent" to find someone else who want's more than just a sexual FRIENDSHIP with you... but wants to be CLOSE to you in his heart, soul and mind, not just his bedroom.
Friends with "benefits" is never a good idea and it never turns out well because inevitably one person in the deal starts to have deeper feelings for the other and those feelings are not returned. Life is complicated and hard enough without adding more confusion as to what the boundries are of your friendships... there are just certian guide lines that will help to avoid confusion and the need for "enlightment" those are as follows...
1) Don't become intimate with your Friends. 2) Don't convince yourself that it's really okay with you when your friend wants to be intimate with you, but not want a relationship. 3) Don't become intimate with someone IF you're not "ready" for a relationship. 4) Don't convince yourself that it doesn't matter OR it's not your business who else the person you're intimate with is sleeps with. 5) Don't spit in the wind... (that doesn't avoid confusion but none the less, it's just a good thing to not do) 6) Did I say DON'T BECOME INTIMATE WITH YOUR FRIENDS?
Keeli, IF this guy isn't willing to have a relationship with you and ONLY you then you know what... you shouldn't be willing to give him something as important as your body. I would advise you to let him know the "benefits package" has been cancelled and the two of you remain JUST FRIENDS.
There is a guy out there Keeli that will appreciate you for who you are, will see what an awesome girl you are and will be WILLING to be in a relationship with you, ONLY you.
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