Hi! I would appericate any advice anyone can give me...But here it goes, I have been in my relationship with my boyfriend for about 10 months now, and we have been living together for part of the time (we're both in our 20's). Recently, we have been having a lot of fights, and we really have a hard time getting along. When we first started dating I had just gotten out of a pretty serious relationship (I was engaged) and I had kept in touch with my ex through email, and we never kept on touch for romantic reasons, just to see how each other was doing. Well one day my boyfriend got online and my dial-up automatically connects to my email, and he found out that my ex and I had been communicating, and he flipped out!! And has been on this "I can't trust you" kick for about 8 months now. Well after this happened we decided to be open and honest with each other and gave each other our email passwords, and agreed that we could check each others email accounts because neither one of us had anything to hide. Well that was fine until lately... Neither one of us had checked each other's email until we got in a fight on vacation. We went up north about 3 hours away and I had drove, well we were visting his cousin and he had spent all day with his cousin and left me at his family's house by myself all day!! When they got back, he said that they were going to leave to get some food, I asked if I could go and he told me that I was trying to be his shadow... and asked me to go home... so I did. I came back a few days later, and we made up but when we got home he was checking his email and had a email by some female in response to an email he had sent about "last weekend" he started acting funny after we got home and so I decided to check his email a couple of days later... That is when I found 4 different subscriptions to dating sites and an email froma girl he used to date up north(he used to live with his cousin) and I confronted him about it all he could say that I was a hypotcrtical b*tch and that he was getting me back for what I did by talking to my ex, and he asked me "how does it feel". He also said that he had been on the dating sites for some time and that I was stupid for it taking me so long to find out. My question that I am sending out there is, What do I do about the internet stuff? or should I just give up?
Responses to this article:
--- Saturday, September 25, 2004 -
Answer by: Sam
Honestly, it sounds like your relationship is probably over at this point. The trust is destroyed, and with no trust -- there is no relationship that will last. Besides that -- you were wrong for sneaking around and talking to your ex. Why would you be so secretive about it and not tell your boyfriend how HE would feel about that, and WHY would you want to maintain contact with your ex, anyway? Your boyfriend didn't have that chance to tell you how he would feel about something like that! I honestly don't blame your boyfriend for feeling the way he feels. His feelings of betrayment are the reason why he "got back at you". This doesn't excuse his reasons for calling you a bitch and that you're stupid -- but you did wrong him. I say at this point this relationship should be ended -- because I don't think there's anything to salvage. Learn for this lesson, ok? Don't keep important things away from future boyfriends -- they are in the relationship trusting you. Don't don't violate that, or you will have a hard time maintaining a relationship with any other guy besides your "ex" -- which you may not be over yet, judging by your behavior.
--- Friday, September 24, 2004 -
Answer by: Enigma
Well to begin with Shanny... I myself would think it was a BIG DEAL if my man was keeping up with a girl he USED to be ENGAGED too... I mean you obviously had some pretty strong feelings for this guy at one time right? So IMHO you were wrong in keeping it from your boyfriend in not telling him you guys keep in touch.
Okay that out of the way....
When you and your boyfriend had a talk regarding this, and it was agreed that you would BOTH be honest and straight up with one another.... IF your boyfriend still had some issue with what happened, then he should've said something.
Calling you stupid and bitch? sooooooo NOT OKAY.
The trust has been broken, the respect for one another is gone.... and it doesn't look from where i'm sitting there is any strong desire (at least on his part) to do the right thing in working this out.
So if it were me, I would wish his immature butt the best of luck on those single sites.... move on with my life, NOT keep in touch for romantic reasons or otherwise with him, and let him answer the question who's the stupid one now.
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