I am in a strange situation and need some advice to help resolve this. I've had a male friend I've known for many years. He got divorced five years ago and we started dating shortly afterwards. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to me at the time, he had a huge reputation for being a "player" and unfortunately, I fell into a trap with it. After sleeping together a few times and thinking we were dating exclusively, I found out we weren't and before I could confront him, he literally disappeared. Since then, we have remained friends and have seen each other on a casual basis. I have never wanted it to be this way but since I like him so much and am extremely attracted to him, I see him anyway. Things started changing about a year ago. He is in the military and found out he was being sent overseas for awhile. He was very stressed out about it. His life the way he knew it would not be the same. He had a pet cat he had gotten after the divorce and did not have anyone to take care of it. I volunteered to take care of it because I love cats and I felt bad. He spent a lot of time with me during that transition period and we became a lot closer. When he first left to go on the first of his training missions, he would call all the time, checking in on me and his pet. He told me when this was all said and done he wanted us to be closer, hinting that he wanted more from our relationship. He then left for a couple months and was re-located for the next phase of his training. During that time, I did not hear from him at all. When he came home for the holidays, he barely acknowledged me at all. He went on a vacation, hung out with friends and family and even brought some strange woman to a X-mas get together with his family! His parents had invited me to meet them at church on Christmas Eve and when I did, his mother mentioned her to me. I was just dumbfounded. I confronted him and he said she was a friend he had known for awhile who came over. We spent little time together during this time and he left to go overseas shortly afterward. I didn't hear from him much while he was gone. I would get an occasional e-mail but no phone calls. Eventually when the e-mails stopped coming, I e-mailed him to find out when he was coming home. He lied to me and said it would be a few more weeks. The next day I read in the paper that he'd be home that weekend. There was going to be a welcome home ceremony open to the general public. I didn't attend because he didn't invite me and I was very insulted. He has offically been home now for almost a month and I have yet to talk to him. He has all but abandoned his pet and our friendship. I am very sad and frustrated. I know I deserve better than this. This whole thing can't possibly be my fault. I have been more than accomodating and this is the thanks I get! I will not call him but I can't help but think what a horrible person he is for abandoning his pet that he loved and the relationship we had, whatever it was. Please help!
Responses to this article:
--- Thursday, September 30, 2004 -
Answer by: Sam
Hey Erica, don't lose faith in finding a great guy, but lose faith in this one. He's a "bad apple" who's rotten to the core. (hehe, what a metaphor!). This dude is a liar, a chump, a manipulator, and one who is incredibly selfish who doesn't think twice about abandonment, which is exactly what he has done to you and to his cat. What a sis bag. I know you feel pretty upset about what he did to you, and you have every right to feel the way you fee. My suggestion is to erase him from your life completely and forget about him now. He is no friend at all to you, he has used you, and proved that statement to be true. You need to push this negativity out of your life and focus on getting out and meeting new people. That cat is no longer his, but yours. Think of things in a new light in regards to him -- he deserves to be forgotten.
--- Wednesday, September 29, 2004 -
Answer by: Enigma
Erica,
Cancer has also been around for many many years... but IF given the option to let it go.... *waves hand in the air pick me pick me oh pick me!*
You CAN let this jackass go! Make it non-optional... just because he's been an asshole for several years isn't reason enough to continue to let him do it... in fact that is the BIG incentive to kick his sorry butt to the bad memory street.
--- Wednesday, September 29, 2004 - very frustrated, part 2
Answer by: erica
Funny you mentioned this book above. I had just bought it. After reading it, I felt it empowered me. However, it still doesn't make up for the fact that my so-called friend was a complete jerk and had no regard, respect or common courtesy for me! I still feel like crap. It kind of makes me wonder how many other women living in my city are sitting around saying the same thing about him. My biggest clue should've been at X-mas when his mother mentioned the other woman. I feel like an idiot for ever believing anything he had to say. Unfortunately, he has been in my life for so many years that I hope I can let go. It's too bad that there are guys like this around. It makes it hard to trust anyone...
--- Tuesday, September 28, 2004 -
Answer by: Enigma
"I have been more than accomodating"
This ^ is the biggest problem... you've been more than accomadating to someone who only takes advantage of you.
"what a horrible person he is for abandoning his pet that he loved"
What does this tell you about this guy? He isn't even capable of being responsible for a freaking cat for Godsake!
Listen... It sucks that this guy is an idiot... and it sucks more that he used you and for real believe me when I say he has no remorse for it.
He didn't consider what the two of you had a relationship (I'm sorry I know that hurts) the best possible thing to do now, is to move on. EVEN IF he calls you again... LEAVE IT ALONE. He has proven himself to be a jackass, and believe as well that you don't want what he more than likely picked up along the way when he was deployed overseas... I've heard all the stories of what goes on... my bf is in the usmc...
Pick your dignity up off the floor... get to the closest Barnes and Nobel and pick up a copy of a book called "He's just not that into you" it is very insightful.
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