Title:
I am an emotional wreck for nearly 3 years now
By: ek
I dont want this post to be too long, as i know not many people will read it otherwise but please bear with me while i try to explain & hopefully some people out there can give me some answers :)
I date this girl, only for a few months & we clicked & even though it was a short relationship, we had a good bond there & things were great, she is beautiful & meant everything & more to me & I fell for her hard.
This relatiosnhip was the back end of 2001/early 2002 & basically the reason we split was because an ex of hers decided to go over, confuser here tc.. simply because he knew i had something he didn't & was a very jealous guy !
It was hard for her because she had more of a history with him than me & it took 5 days for her to decide what to do (& even then i knew she wasnt too sure) but yeah, you guessed it, she went with him .. though obviously on unsure grounds (the history thing really went against me & she was very young/naive at the time also .. plus he is very manipulative).
Anyway, that relationship didn't last long & they split .. for good & thats been well over a year & half ago now that she split with him, it was a long distance relationship aswell (as was mine with her which i know long distances have their advantages/disadvantages), we have always been close since our time together.. though i didn't want to try rush back & get her back incase history repeated itself agains me (which luckily it hasnt done with this guy), he was basically a liar, cheat & i guess you could say player .. it was very difficult for me !
Now time has gone on & she has said to me not too long ago that she'd like us to see each other again (meet up sometime) & she does mean a great deal to me, though my problem is, i am not very good at showing that, i do try, but it feels as though I'm not sure she understands truly how i feel !
I actually didn't think she felt the same way towards me, though not too long ago we had a conversation (quite intimate) of which she asked me about my previous partners, i, like an idot mentioned that while away the other week i did sleep with someone (bear in mind I'm a young lad in my 20's who is single & no ties) & her reaction to me was "I dont think you care about me as you say you do" ... otherwise i wouldn't have said that to her, but the thing is, i really really do & all the time it hurts me inside still being without her, so the fact that my little comment like that, after all this time, gave me her reaction it gave i found very surprising (I didn't think she'd care to be honest), yet in the past i know that she's told me she slept with her ex that broke my heart (while i was hurting still & she was with him this is), but i don't want to be getting all petty in regards to that, i just need to know what to do now within myself, many of times i have tried to get over her, i haven't seen her for a long time but my heart seriously still does hurt & i guess today it's been quite a difficult day for me (obviously some days are easier than others), anyway, since that conversation recently, she has appeared to be cold towards me now & it's hurting big time, i don't really know why i get this because i really am genuinly a decent person with a good heart, treat people well etc.. try to be the best ya know .. but lately i really haven't been myself & I feel as though I'm doing things that i wouldn't really do in regards to being a happier person.
I'm confused & really want help, i know i need it & venting here & talking to you guys will hopefully help me a little :) , i know maybe i should just guive it time & see if she contacts me again now cause i really dont know if theirs much more i can say or do to show my true feelings for her, it's very wierd but i know for a fact that i do truly love this girl with all my heart !
Another thing i do realise too is it's almost a year ago that i lost my nan (who of course i loved dearly) & maybe i am a bit more emoitonally vunerable, but i cant help the way i am & i just want to be happy again ya know !
Thanks to all for taking time out to listen & to those who reply also, many thanks in advance, it really is very much appreciated !!
xxx
Responses to this article:
--- Monday, October 18, 2004 -
Answer by: Enigma
Ek, you're welcome... hang in there.
--- Monday, October 18, 2004 -
Answer by: stiffmeis
I agree with Enigma and Emma on this one. I mean how could she be mad at you for something she wanted to know? I don't get it. As for the healing thing. Time will heal trust me i've been to rock bottom, then 50 feet past it and managed to come out alive. All because of well as enigma would put her "Miss thang". And I thought I was in love mabe I was who the hell cares. But you will get better and well Emma was right also. you should get some sort of closure, and not left sitting in the middle wondering whats next. What does she want, she has to decide obviously you've decided you would want to be with her, so tell her this. Let her decide wether she wants to be with you. Lay it all down on the line, do you not like to gamble? Go for it, and give her the ultimatem, that'll relieve some anxiety/pressure/nervousness about this entire situation. Other then that, I wish you best of luck. ~kev
--- Monday, October 18, 2004 -
Answer by: Emma
ek,
I, too, am very sorry to hear you're feeling this way. It must be so difficult - it's not like you can properly move on - yet it's not like there is anything "real" to wait around for, a.k.a limbo - never a good place to be...
Often getting an outside opinion is the best thing, so fear not! You're in the right place :)
Enigma's right, I'd just like to back her up. This girl was wrong to get so distressed over who you were with when the two of you were NOT together. She was doing the same. Though, I ought to point out (be it right or wrong) it is sometimes more difficult for women to come to terms with these things. Not to excuse her reaction, I just want to explain it a bit. Sure she's wrong, maybe finding this information out didn't have to happen, yada, yada - it's history now - so really there is nothing to feel bad about... don't allow her to turn this on you if it comes up again.
Now she's cold towards you & you're probably thinking she'll never come around but ya know, anything's possible if you put the effort in. Okay, so you shouldn't have to be doing all the running but women can be stubborn & if you truly think she is worth the fight - sit her down & tell her EVERYTHING...
Easier said than done you might say but really, honesty is always the best policy. It doesn't sound as though she is reading your behaviour well enough. Often if you're not the sort of person who is totally "in tune" with letting the whole world know how you're feeling it is far better the explicitly tell the person as opposed to relying on subtle hints or anything else.
Lay your cards on the table & put the ball in her court...
Also, do you maybe lack self confidence? You seem to find it hard to believe she would care what you were doing/ who you were with... Everyone deserves to be loved you know... no one is an exception.
Opening yourself up to someone is, perhaps, the hardest thing you'll ever do - but if you think for even one second that they might share your feelings - it is something you must do, if not only to 'take the chance', to see what might become of a, once good, relationship...
She won't answer your messages? Go around & see her in person. It seems you crave some closure - be it "let's give it another try" or "I can't bear the thought of you doing what I've done, it's over for good" - whatever the outcome - you need one. Things cannot go on like this, it's not healthy ya know?
Get it clear in your head that you did NOTHING wrong (remind yourself she did the same), have more confidence (you are worthy of a reply, be it positive or negative) & tell her how you're feeling. Don't leave anything out - it doesn't sound as though she realised your feelings before & your little "confession" may only have confirmed her already negative thoughts.
Get this sorted, ASAP. The longer it all goes on the more difficult it'll be. I really hope she can see how great a guy you are, that - in your heart - you've been there all along. My thoughts are with you, we're always here so you're not in this one alone :)
Best of luck
--- Sunday, October 17, 2004 - Thanks Enigma
Answer by: ek
It really helps to talk/vent about it, today I've felt really bad, my heart is literally aching all day, of which i've not had it so much for a long time after a bit of healing if you get me, they say time is the best healer & granted it is, but it's also not really healed me to be honest
In regards to the question, it was me who made a silly comment, though i didn't think it would have made the effect as it turned out to do, which maybe showed that I meant a little something more to her than i thought, or maybe it's my wishful thinking (it's hard to work out yourself when your emotionally involved because you dont know whats right & whats wrong, or what you want to have yourself believe etc...), but the conversation was basically along the lines of past partners, not how recent etc.. & i just said something like "but i dont want to just jump in bed with anyone" , then foolishly went on to say "Though it didn't stop me last weekend did it..lol" .. & i know you can say to me it was silly to say that, but i really didn't think it would matter all that much to her but she responded with "I dont think you care about me as much as you say you do" which really hurt because i so do !!! & probably more than she knows.
Since then though, she's been a bit cold towards me, like not answering any of my texts or messages to her online profile thing she has, i haven't overdone it by hassling her with messages, but a reply would be nice after all this time, it's hard to believe one little comment can really make things differ, though looking back on it, she hurt me originally & I wasnt the one to hurt her (or never ever would do, of which i can honestly say hand on heart i would never want to intentionally hurt her in any way), it's just all completely confusing to me now & it's really effected me.
This conversation was a couple of weeks ago, i have tried with sending her messages but got no reply, i dont want to over do it & i don't know if i should just wait for her to contact me, because if she does care of have feelings for me, then i guess in time, she will contact me again, though at the same time, if i leave it, may it make it worse, I'm so indecisive, which is one of my worst habits, but i just want to do the right thing ya know :)
Thanks again Enigma anyway, after seeing how long the post was (not realising) i wasn't sure anyone would take the time out to reply, so to those who have/do, i am very thankful for !
--- Sunday, October 17, 2004 -
Answer by: Enigma
Ek.. Well to begin with, I'm sorry you're feeling such a sting.
Secondly.. To me, it really wasn't and isn't her business whom you were or are sleeping with. The two of you are NOT together right? Not in an exclusive relationship, so IMHO you really didn't "owe" her any explanations of whom you were with recently or past...
Why it would suprise you that she would be upset with this information is beyond me... obviously the two of you had been talking about maybe trying things again, so yeah.. not info she probably really wanted.. but ya know what they say, don't ask the question you don't really want an answer to.
Only you know how you feel regarding this girl... but if you're sincerely hoping for another chance, then somethings got to give.. someone (possibly you) is going to have to suck it up, and make some contact to clear up misunderstanding.
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