I have done something really bad and am not sure what to think of myself or my Love of the person I did it to. I have felt something for about 6 months now with a girl from my school. I asked her out and she said she couldn't date me because she was already with someone. We talked on the internet for a few months and things went well.
We are at college now and for the last few months I have realised that I am in Love with her. She is still with her current boyfriend and untill a week ago didn't know how I felt about her. It was a week ago that my feeling overflowed and I had to let her know how I felt. I couldn't tell her myself however. I was afraid it might ruin our friendship, and any possible chance we might have.
I did something very wrong, very... evil and now I don't know what to feel anymore or how badly I've harmed everything. I created a new e-mail account and pretended to be someone else. I pretended to be someone who knew that I Loved her. I used this fake person to drop hints that it was me who Loved her. After a few days I realised just how very wrong what I was doing was. I coudln't keep doing it, it hurt me to much. I felt that I had to "kill off" this fake person so I made out that this person hated her. I said some really, really evil things, I don't know how I was able too but I did. It was so wrong. I feel so wrong.
Only now she knows it was me. I had to tell her. I could not take the guilt and pain of what I had done, so I told her everything, what I did, why I did it and that I Love her. She said that she was glad that I had told her, and that it meant a lot. but she also said that what had been said had scared her, and that she wasn't sure if we should be friends anymore. I cried so hard that night. I thought about what I had done, what Life would be like without being near her, about how I could possibly have done what I did when I Love her so much.
We still talk but I don't know what she thinks about me or about our friendship. I am worried that when she leaves her boyfriend she will reject me because of what I did.
I guess what I ask is that is all hope lost for me? Can I be in Love if I was able to do what I did? I have thought that it might be lust but I do not think it is. I have liked her for over a year and all I have to do is think about her and my heart aches, it really feels as if my heart is aching. and also now that she knows how I feel will she make an effort not to get to involved with me? Have I destroyed everything? I am not sure how to deal with this.
Responses to this article:
--- Monday, October 18, 2004 -
Answer by: stiffmeis
well i'ma go a different approach. lol. So you did something over the internet, and said a few things that you didn't mean. Alright big deal, it's just that words. Actions do speak louder then words so from now on show her how you feel towards her. I mean i've done the same thing you've done, well minus the bad things but i've made up a few fake ppl to get the guts to talk to the one I like. I've gone soo far as to hack their computer but yes it all was wrong.. so then i decided to just show them how I felt. Girls like it when you SHOW your feelings, and not hide them.. They think a guy crying is cute, but that goes against everything in a guy snature to do. We don't cry we don't show emotion.. So I am askign you to go against all instincts here and show her how you truely feel, not telling her but showing. goodluck.. ~kev
--- Monday, October 18, 2004 -
Answer by: Emma
Ariakas,
Okay, so it wasn't the best way to go about things but you are remorseful, you know it was wrong, you owned up to it & you told her how deep your feelings really go...
Doesn't sound like a stoning offence to me :) Immature yes, evil no.
The only way to prove your love, to show her it was just a moment of madness that got out of hand is to be a good friend, for now. Just keep being there, do your very best not to let this destroy EVERYTHING you have.
Only time will tell if she leaves her boyfriend & chooses you. As Enigma rightly points out, she's not on the market yet so really your feelings need to be put on the backburner.
To answer your questions... hope isn't lost for you. Sure, it was probably love which shrouded your mind - it made you do something you wouldn't normally do...
Be mature from here on, understand it'll take time for anything to happen between the two of you, if it ever does so please don't go pinning all your hopes on this girl, I say this, but not because of the fake email account but because she is, after all, unavailable...
Best of luck
--- Sunday, October 17, 2004 -
Answer by: Enigma
Well obviously you already know what you did was wrong.
Would have been better to have just told her how you feel to begin with..
However.. can't change what happened at this point. I think you're looking at this in an unrealistic way... she already has a boyfriend, and it may very well end at some point.. however that isn't the case right now... so I think you've put entirely to much into the whens or IFs of her leaving her currant relationship to persue something else. She isn't available.
Secondly.. in time she will probably forgive you for what you did.. however she may look at you as being pretty immature for having gone about things in the way you did.
All I could suggest to you at this point, is to continue to be her friend.. give her space when she needs it, be honest and upfront with her from now on and show her that you've grown as a person from this.
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