hi im 18 and so is my girl... my girl and i have been together for about a year and a half. it seems like ive known her forever and everything besides our lil misunderstanding have been absolutely great. i absolutely love her more than anything!!!! i cant stress that enough...
recently before ive came over some notes to her friends bout her liking other guys and what not. weve talked about those and got over em, ya know. it has ironically happened for about the 2nd time i know of. well this time she told her friend about this guy at her job.. she insisted on stating how hot he was, that she LOVED the way he walked, and that her liking him was tearing her apart. it tears me apart that she would think about wanting to be with someone else. :-/
she sees him all the time at her job and tells her friend she always has him in her head.. i think prolly even when were together. i know she wonders about the possibilities of her and him...i sometimes feel uncomfortable with her goin to work cause i know he would once again be on her mind. shes so torn cause she loves me though.
ive told her numerous time that i could be someone she could come to if she has problems gettin over things and i would love her and want to be with her no matter what... i just want to feel like i can be came to for ANYTHING!! ..just come to me when shes feeling torn.. she doesnt and hasnt!
when i first found this out she was upset cause i found the letter stating all the facts of her having a huge crush on this guy and basically stating that she was gawking at him all the time. she also told her friend that she and her friend should go to her job and ask to be seated with the guy as their server and just alot of small stuff ya know?? she broke up with me agreeing with my idea that she was immature in the mind and didnt know what she wanted. we broke up and she asked me to be back with her an hour later. of course i did cause i was very very upset breaking apart.
what do i do knowing this? i mean there are many other "hot" guys out there that will test her. should it get this far in her mind? what should she do?
i would really hate to think about not being together with her but let me know what you think PLEASE ASAP!!!!
Responses to this article:
--- Monday, October 18, 2004 -
Answer by: Jonathan
Hi Johnny,
Well, I think you've receive pretty adequate advice from previous responses. However, I would like to sharpen you up a bit, while adding my two cents.
First of all, she broke up with you over this shyt and decided within an hour that she wanted you back. That's enough of a reason for you to really question the future of the relationship. And guess what, just because you allowed her to do it and get away with it by getting back with her, she has the advantage. If a girl leaves you (especially over something soo stupid), you don't just accept her back soon as she thinks she wants you back. Soon enough you'll be the one looking desperate and obssesed in "her" eyes -- which is a turn off.
As stiffmeis mentioned, she IS still with you, but what you don't realize is that she strongly desires this guy. And I'll bet that if he decided to approach her she would probably take him -- I'll stand firm on that for sure. And this is how it'll go: You two will have some "lame" argument that "she" secretly started and as soon as the right moment comes, she'll break up with you AGAIN. And yes she can do this because you've already given her the upper hand when you let her get away with it the first time. Of course she wont care because the guy that she was strongly obssesed with is now apart of her life. And as long as he's there, she'll probably treat you like crap, making it seem as if it was your fault that things didn't work out - though in reality you were doing the right thing: trying to keep your girl. See how complex some of them can be?
I'm not saying that this is the route she'll take but I think she's given you enough of a reason to ask questions -- which is why you're here. I'm not about to give you some false advice that you probably DO want to hear because I'd be doing you and injustice. You heard it all...
Good Luck... jonathanreed@excite.com
--- Monday, October 18, 2004 -
Answer by: stiffmeis
Hmm I'm torn in my decision, one part I see exactly where Emma is coming from and do agree with her, but on the other hand your GF hasn't made any move to pursue her obsession. You know so she's talked about it, i've talked about being president, but it's just that, talk. So I don't know really. I would say stay with her and talk it over. Have a one on one discussion asking her what/where/why she is in this relationship and get a straight forward answer from her. Tell her that fantasizing about other guys whom work with you is really bothering you. Well you're a guy, and guys want straight forward no bullshit answers. So sit down talk to her and figure out if she wants this relationship to work, where she wants it to go, and why she is in it. If she answers those three questions straight forward it will clear alot of things up. Goodluck and well don't call it quits yet.. ;-) ~kev
--- Monday, October 18, 2004 -
Answer by: Emma
Johnny,
Quit giving her excuses! She is supposed to be with YOU. Her behaviour is, quite frankly, out of order.
Okay, you could argue it's just "talk". If the roles were reversed however, I'm betting she wouldn't be okay with it...
Film stars, racing drivers, boy band members - okay, out of reach... a guy at work, near obsession - NOT!
Hmmm... clearly you love her but I really have to question her feelings for you. When you love someone, as you do, the person you're with is the ONLY person you want to be with. There should be no fantasising about other people... there really is no room for that.
If I were you, I'd let her go. I know it's not what you wanted to hear but it doesn't sound as though she is mature enough to be in a serious relationship. She's checking out every piece of available eye candy & whilst guys stare at women who are scantily clad in the street, obsession about one particular guy is quite another thing...
Cut your losses, constant worry over your partner's thoughts leads only to jealousy & suspicion. If she loved you, she'd only have eyes for you - maybe that's something you need to face up to.
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