Title:
sister is dating my ex and we share a place
By: freakideek
My sister just moved in with me over the summer. She is in her first year of college, so she is young. I had dated a man for four months before she came up, and the relationship had been over for about 6 months. Well I moved into the same apartment building as him, and he found me and stopped by my apartment one night. We began hanging out, if only because he kept telling me he considered me a "good friend". Well, one night after a considerable amount of drinking we ended up in bed, and I felt bad and apologized and told him I didn't want to rekindle our relationship. He was alright, and we remained friends, although people were always commenting that it seemed he was still into me... Well my sister moved up, and she has met him before when I brought him home. He took a liking to her. I was dating someone else, and I was tired of seeing him come around all the time, but seeing him get with my sister was gross. One night, they were cuddling on the couch opposite me and my boyfriend at the time, and I pulled her aside and told her that it would be disgusting for her to pursue a physical relationship with him... in my opinion. She laughed. I guess I should have been more adament. I tried talking to him, and he said he understood. They continued to hang all over eachother in my prescence. One thing led to another and soon he is sleeping over at my place, in her bedroom. I am really pissed and annoyed and disgusted. I tried talking to her and she said she liked him, and there was nothing she could do about it. WHen he caught her cheating (she is not serious about him and calls him a fling, but will not give it up, nontheless) he called me and apologized for getting with her. She, however, begged him back and apparently he forgot everything. I tried to put up with it, and I've cooked them dinners and gone out with them, because she's my sister and he's my ex and I try not to see them as a cuople, but its inescaple. He stays over every night. We have gotten into fights, just because of the hostility building up. There are days where I am just disgusted with her and don't want to talk and she gets mad. I try to explain and she just says she doesn't want to hear it. I really hate this situation and I don't know what to do - my family is of course siding with me, but they love her as they should and tell me to keep getting along until I can move out. THanksgiving this year was horrible as I am not speaking to her, and basically an emotional mess about the situation. I don't want to live with her and I feel she has taken advantage of my kindness. I just feel that this is wrong, it was my place, I gave her the only bedroom and sleep in the living room... and I let her have the parking spot (we can't afford two cars, we agreed to share) and she has refused to share her car from day one (many fights over this). Basically she has turned out to be this selfish monster. And he... is just a dog. I feel like I'm in a soap opera, and I can't afford to move out alone and all of my friends are locked in their leases. I just need some advice before I beat her head in or go crazy. I've tried talking to her and him, no luck. THis has ruined our friendship as sisters... And she is mad at me because I am not friendly with her anymore, yet doesn't seem to get it after all the talks I and my parents have had with her. The situation is so screwed up, we used to be very close and she would come visit me as I have been on my own for three years now. Even after I told her that he was after me before she came up, and we were intimate only a week before, she didn't care. She has also turned out to be very promiscious, and has had sex with three of my male friends, borrowed money from my best friend and not repaid her, etc. I know I shouldn't be so emotional over this, but all these going ons are making it very hard for me to deal with my regular routine, not to mention being home is full of tension! Please, any advice?
Responses to this article:
--- Wednesday, December 1, 2004 - You Created It
Answer by: Gotte
The most i can say is that you created the siutation. You should have deaded the ties after you guys broke up. Since you didnt you have to deal with it, you're making it worse cooking dinners for them and going out with them and you wonder why they pull you in the middle of it. STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Disassociate yourself for them and their drama, your health doesnt need girl and i'm speaking from straight up experience.
--- Friday, November 26, 2004 -
Answer by: sam
Is your sister aware of STD's? Because she IS going to get one with this sort of behavior.
Basically, I think you should kick her out. Why not? I know you're sisters, but she has slept with your ex. That is not only is gross and ahem... sloppy seconds, it is crossing the line BIG TIME.
I think you are allowing yourself to be a doormat and everyone is walking all over you. Get some nerve, get assertive -- forbid that slimy ex from coming over, and give your sister a week's notice to move the hell out. Take control -- or they WILL keep walking all over you. Sorry but this is the only way -- you should have kicked your sister out a long time ago when she crossed that line, period.
Find yourself another roomate, and go from there. You're in college -- there's a lot of students looking for a rommate all the time.
--- Friday, November 26, 2004 -
Answer by: djphilluk
Hi,
It seems to me that your sister shares at least one quality in both of you, not to back down. Someone has to give in here, you can't both have things the way you want them all the time.
Kindness is a gift, and should be used wisely. You sister will have some too, but maybe its time you showed her how to give some to other people instead of you giving her yours all the time.
You have every right to be emotional about this, she's your sister. Your 'regular' routine would have went out of the window probably at the momment when you sister started to date your ex, but try and talk it over with her. Put it in a way so that both of you get something out of it, not just i'll do this, or you can do that on these days, etc, but something you both do, as sisters.
If you want to chat some more, let me know at phill_philluk@hotmail.com . Good punctuation too!
--- Thursday, November 25, 2004 -
Answer by: freakideek
Oh and by the way, I can not throw her out. THat is simply not an option. Neither of us could afford it. SHe has been the room mate from HELL though.
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