Title:
Is it harder for guys to be emotional and open up?
By: Sara
I met this guy at the end of August of this year and I just fell head over heals for him. He is a very laid back easygoing kind of guy.
Well we are both sophmores in college and taking some hard courses so I'm trying to be understanding when he doesn't have time for me. But all I get is a phone call at night and we'll talk for like 30 min. to an hour. Then we hang out on the weekends.
He's been hurt in the past so he wants to take things slow. Lately we've been more physically involved but I don't really feel like he's opening up more emotionally. What do I do? Will he ever open up? Is he just being a guy? Do I need to chillax?
Culturally (In many cultures in fact) men are not supposed to express feelings (a sign of weakness), they're supposed to be strong, unwaveringly disciplined etc. This culmination of things prevents men from comfortably sharing their feelings (for the most part) since it is engrained in themselves not too.
When a man is hurt, the pain is still there but it is not expressed. This makes closeness difficult since he is also instinctively not trying to add to this pain.
It will take time for him to be comfortable enough with you to express his emotions to you. These feelings of comfort are difficult to accelerate since you will essentially be proving to him that he will not have to suffer the pains of rejection or other pains from the relationship (such a task takes time).
Another hint, don't ever rush a physical relationship, it merely confuses your relationship as a whole.
~LB ibIncognito "Miscommunication, misinterpretation and miscalculation, the cornerstones of all blunders"
--- Thursday, December 2, 2004 - same place a while ago
Answer by: tanny
My boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend as of present, and I were just like you and your boyfriend. We are sophomores and he was hurt in the past and we were more physical than emotional in the beginning which bothered me. I stayed and once he, I guess, trusted me, we became best friends. I think he just has his guards up so just keep showing him how you feel, not by so many words but actions, and I think he will come around.
--- Tuesday, November 30, 2004 -
Answer by: stiffmeis
well yes after being hurt you tend to not open up soo much, well atleast I do. I use to be very open about my feelings towards the one I loved, but I got hurt badly and now that she is back in my life I'm just closed. I don't say a thing It's just too hard. I don't know where to start. So yes it's understandable but I do think that in time he will be more open, as he gains more and more trust from you he will begin to open up, just give it some time.. ~kev
--- Monday, November 29, 2004 -
Answer by: sam
To answer your question, yes. Men don't tend to "talk" about emotions and feelings, that's what women do.
I know it sounds stereotypical but it is the truth, men and women just function differently socially.
Of course, there are times that men do talk about feelings, but it's usually not often. They just state how they feel and leave it at that. Women on the other hand go into elaborate detail about their feelings. Men are simple. Women are complex.
As for this guy, you are over analyzing the situation. The guy calls you, and talks to you for up to an hour? That's pretty decent considering a lot of guys hate to talk on the phone. Women can talk for hours on end -- remember, he is not a woman. He doesn' think like you.
He probably likes you a lot and is stil lgetting to know you before he starts to get a little more serious with you. That's smart of him. People shouldn't just jump into anything... if anything, you should feel very glad that this is a guy that actually calls and talks with you, and sees you on weekends... it shows that he is making an effort and enjoys his time with you. Give him time and be cool about it.
As far as you getting more "physical" with him, to protect yourself from getting hurt, don't have sex with him. He is still uncertain about things and is takign things slowly. Let things grow and flow naturally... and give it time!
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