To start off with, although I am not, in the legal and technical sense an adult, I've decided to post my "Relationship Question" in this forum because of the given circumstances. I am 15 years old as of this past Oct.; the man I am with is 20, having turned 20 this Oct. there is more or less a five year difference between us. By now most of you will be saying something a long the lines of "Hes just using you, stop because its illegal, etc" But let me make it known that we have not had sex, nor has our relationship become a sexual one (no kisses, etc) Although we both know of our feelings towards one another, we've decided its best to keep things as platonic as possible - with the exception of embraces every so often. Embrace = a hug, although many might say it is the type of hug one lover might give to another, as opposed to the tye a friend would give a friend. Now, my question is, is this relationship wrong? I know that, in the USA, it is considered illegal for an adult to have a sexual relationship with a minor. But, we're not having sex. Although we do want to, we have decided to put it off for at least two more years....That being said, is it so wrong for me to love him, and would you consider the relationship we have, an actual relationship. If you have read this, and have decided to post, I thank you from the depths of my heart; hopefully it will bring some clarity to the confusion I've felt. -Macabre
p.s. Out of curiosity, do I strike you as a 15 year old girl? The reason I ask this is, when we met he percieved me to be the age of 18 or so, despite my appearance (I'm asian, and I've heard its hard for many to decipher the age of an asian woman) Much thanks!
Responses to this article:
--- Friday, November 26, 2004 - be smart
Answer by: tanny
i think you should be logical. just because you have such strong feelings right now with this guy doesn't mean you have to make it forever. regardless to how old he is you dont know yourself yet or what you want. i commend you for not having sex with this man but i can;t see anything healthy, psychologically or physically coming out of your situation. i have been in your situation when i was 15 dating a 21 year old guy, didn't work. i think you should save yourself the drama and if it is meant to be it will.
--- Thursday, November 25, 2004 -
Answer by: freakideek
Yeah, if you wanted to sleep with this guy, he'd be all about it. Not that I can judge him, but c'mon he is a 20 year old guy. Uh, yeah the determining factor here isn't age, its experience. You are 15, you probably haven't had a boyfriend or experienced love. He's 20, been there. He's in or entering the adult world of work and/or school. You guys are in totally different places. WHat I'm saying is that sometimes logic is best in these situations. You sound mature, but they have a term for that... eh... precocious? look it up. Emotionally, and as far as experience goes, you have some time. Why not find an equal, someone who's motives you wont have to question, and someone that society wont look down on you for being with? He may make you feel special, because what he says, because of his age, etc... but be intellectually honest with yourself.
--- Tuesday, November 23, 2004 -
Answer by: Enigma
IMO.. Yes there is a problem with a 20 year old man having a romantic relationship with a 15 year old girl..
If you were 20 and he was 25 good to go.. because then you're both closer to the same emotional playing field.
--- Tuesday, November 23, 2004 -
Answer by: sam
Yes, I do think you sound like you're fifteen, because you are very naive (I'll elaborate why).
And that's not meant to be a personal attack. I also think you sound like you're very intelligent. You write very well.
First of all, you seem to think that at your age of fifteen you have men all figured out. No... you don't. I'll tell you straight up that the probability of a twenty-year old man hanging around a fifteen year old GIRL (not woman) is doing so because he wants to have sex with her. You even confirm this by stating that you two HAVE talked about sex. Yuck.
You see, men know that young girls are naive. Personally I think it's disgusting that a twenty year old desires to sleep with a fifteen year old -- you just turned fifteen. So, by general standards, you just finished eighth grade. He is the age of a college sophomore.
My opinion is that having a romantic relationship with this guy while you're a minor is taboo. You asked my opinion, there it is. I have years of experience on you my dear, and his intentions don't sound good, sorry. You are too young for him. If you were older my opinion would be different.
And WTF does your race have to do with anything? There are plenty of African Americans, Native Americans, Caucasians, and Latinos that appear on the surface more mature and intelligent for their age... saying something like that is ambiguous... and makes me shudder.
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