Title:
she wants to be a nun, and no longer a friend...
By:
yesterday was my judgement day. I wasnt sure what to expect when I spoke with Josie. It had been about 2 weeks now since she had actually struck up any conversation with me. I had a rosary in a little container, had it in my bag, sitting there. I was anxious, nervous, afraid of what was going to be said. The whole day up to my 4th period class, I was feeling like this.
Then the lunch bell rang. I got up, and Josie began making her way outside of the classroom. I called out to her. “Yes,” she said. The tone sounded cold. She didnt look my way. “Josie, can we eat lunch together today?” There was a pause, she continued walking. The rest of the class had already left the room, as did we. We both stood at the end of the hall by the doors that lead outside. Josie stopped, looked down and thought for a moment. She looked serious. Then I got serious. “I need to talk to you, this is really important.” Then she began.
“ok, the reason I’ve been ignoring you- it isn’t because i think you suck or anything..” a little bit of laughter came from the both of us. Of course I knew it wasnt against me personally.
She began telling me that in order for her to become a nun, it was necessary for her to distance herself from the others. I guess it was to stay on task, to stay focused. She told me that I was pulling her away from that. I understood what she meant. Josie also noticed that at times it would become emotional for me. Which was another problem.
I told her, “lately, I’ve felt that I’m falling in love with you,” but in reality I knew I already loved her. I just wasnt going to say as much. “and I know what your intentions are, I know what it is that you’re going to be, and I understand nothing could ever happen between us. It just hurts me to know that you are ignoring me. And I would be fine just to have you as my friend.”
“But I can’t. It’s for the best, don’t you see? You’ll get over it, don’t worry.” After she said this, I just asked her, “for how much longer is it going to be like this?” Her response shattered me- “always.”
We stood there in silence, I was about to break into tears, but I tried to stay strong. “In any case, I was in NY over the weekend, and I got you something.” At first she said she couldnt accept anything from me, but I told her it was from St Patricks cathedral. I showed her the rosary, and she really liked it a lot. “It’s really nice, thank you. And its good, because I lost my other one. I’ll wear it.” We continued talking about the situation, and I just kept saying “it just hurts me to know your’e ignoring me.” She thanked me for the rosary a few more times. She then told me that she was going to go away for a while to Deleware. I guess she told me this so she could let me know ahead of time that I would get the chance to get my mind off of her. But I dont know if I misheard her after she said this, but I think she said eventually she was going to end up moving to Deleware. It was bad enough that the friendship was over, but to not be able to see her anymore was like pushing the knife deeper into my heart. In the end, she shook my hand and said “good luck”, while I merely said, “guess I’ll see you around.”
She walked through the doors behind us, and I took off in the opposite direction, thinking over what had just happened. So that was it, that was the end of the friendship.
At the end of the day, I didn’t expect to run into her, but I did. As I waited for my friend, Josie came in my direction, and I noticed she had the rosary around her neck. I looked at her and gave her a smile, i dont know how it appeared to her, maybe she saw a look of discomfort, depression, i dont know. But unlike the other days, She returned my look with that beautiful smile she used to give me. No longer the look of discomfort on her face. I dont know what it was supposed to mean. Probably nothing. Maybe just appreciation for the rosary. She passed by me and took off. That was it.
Today, as i walked down the hall to my 1st period class, i saw tht josie was sitting at the corner by the door; i had to walk past her. i just looked down, and then i heard her make a noise, something like a gasping sound, and i pretty much assumed she notcied me coming. She kept her head down. didnt say a word.
On my way to my 2nd period, she appeared right in front of me out of nowhere, I gave a smile, hoping she would give one back, or at least a wave of the hand, but nothing. I was in plain view. I dont know how one could have missed me. She looked off somewhere else as though I didnt exist. Maybe she really didnt see me, i dont know. it just really hurt.
I dont know what to do anymore. I dont care about anyhting else. I just want to be friends again. Thats all, regardless of how much i love her. She had told me before all of this that she wanted to be my friend. Why then? I just want the friendship back, isnt there anything I can do? Im just too afraid to approach her now, because I think she’ll just become annoyed.
please help thnk u sean
Responses to this article:
--- Monday, December 13, 2004 - continuation
Answer by: some_guy_542
By the way, is she really willing to leave her friends in exchange for this life? God really apreciates friendships and kindness in His world. To be honest with you, she is probably confused and alone deep inside her heart. Again, what would God really want for her? I believe that God can be found in almost all people. He gives us strength and courage and tells us to do the right thing. If she finds true romance, God exists in that. Does she think that by having a romantic relationship, that she would not be honoring God? Well, I disagree. Maybe you should ask this girl if she''s ever had any romantic relationships, and how they were. She should not leave everyone behind, and realize that some people other than God care deeply for her. Again, Josie should think about these things.
--- Monday, December 13, 2004 - sorry for the late post
Answer by: some_guy_542
Since you 2 are only 16, it seems kinda early for her to make this kind of a decision. Most women choose to become nuns at their 40s and 50s. If she finds romance, then God will be very happy for her. Besides, she might turn out to not like this path in life. Are other nuns telling her to do this? Is her family making her do this? What would God REALLY want for her? She can be married and with a guy and still be very religious. That is showing love for God, even though she would not be a nun. Also, I think that this kind of life will make her feel unhappy, with no man to care about her or comfort her. She could be very very alone. She should still keep in mind that she can be romantic and still be very religious. In college, there is a major called "Theology". It is basically the study and interpretation of God and the Bible. If she loves God a lot, maybe she can pursue that major in college. I also know that most nuns in Catholic schools are kinda mean. This young girl has many many years ahead of her. This kind of choice will change her entire life, and it's too early for that. She should wait until she is an older woman, since most women become nuns at fairly middle and old ages. I think that Josie should think about these things.
--- Friday, December 3, 2004 -
Answer by: stiffmeis
alright well i'm going to give my two cents on this. by no means in any way am I religous, I don't even think the bible is right. I'm going to point somehting out which to me makes absolutely no sense. Now if God wanted women to become nuns thats all cool and all, no problems but what I don't get is why they aren't allowed to have sex or guy friends or kiss.. How in anyway does that make them stay away or out of focus on what they want, if anything it would weed out the ones that don't have the will to stay on task. I mean sex is a natural thing, without it we wouldn't exist, plain and simple, I don't see how god wanting women to sacrifice what's essential for human existence automatically makes them better then everyone, or guarentee them a spot in heaven.. I just don't understand the meaning behind the nuns view, give themself up for their god when what their giving up had everyone done this there wouldn't be anyone around. What if Eve decided to become a nun, none of us would be around because she wanted to be devout to her god.. Simply makes zero sense. I've been reading your situation and well i'm behind you 100%, I don't understand why she can't atleast keep the friendship. The whole absenance thingy simply boggles my mind.. I mean if there is a god I'm sure he'd want us to make love to the ones we love truely.. but whatever, my view point on religion is slightly pessamistic simply because I think it's all BS.. Something to comfort us so that we aren't afraid to die.. I do believe there is a god but I don't think that he's what we all make him up to be.. Anyway your situation simply sucks royal ass and well she's making a decision which I simply don't understand that to me makes no sense at all.. I can sit here and write about 1000 pages on how I think the bible and jesus isn't really what it's made to be but thats not the point of this board. I'm just pointing out what came to mind when I read this post and your first post.. You my friend must have been a strong guy to sit there and take that from her.. It must of hurt like hell I know.. And believe me you are a smart guy, I can tell by the way you wrote your posts, you've got some tallent.. As for my advice, what now? Well keep chugging along, mabe one day you two can become friends but know things get better... goodluck with it. and don't be a stranger on here i'm sure your advice would be appreciated.. ~kev
--- Wednesday, December 1, 2004 -
Answer by: sam
I've been giving you advice throughout your whole story with this girl... and my advice still basically is the same.
She is betrothed to Jesus Christ. She is making a huge sacrifice here for her love of God.
I think she does care for you, probably is even attracted to you... but she cannot be friends with you knowing that it would cloud her desire to stay focused on becoming a nun. She WANTS to stay away from guys.
Things happen for a reason in life, kid. This girl was just not meant to be, so wish her well... and in time when you get over her, write to her and see how she's doing.
Let her go.
--- Wednesday, December 1, 2004 - Focus
Answer by: Gotte
Did it ever occur that she may have the same feelings although she hasnt said so and this is her way of coming to terms with it and the choice she has made for her life. With this decision comes many sacrifices including loss of earthly love. I hope that helps if not maybe time will.
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