i have been with my boyfriend for two years, i have known him longer as we were friends before, hes my best friend and i love him to death, however we have had our problems, i for somne reason and it annoys the hell out of me, am a very insecure paranoid person, and this has caused many arguments, im so needy if i dont get texts all the time or hugs or compliments i get upsept and then angry, i also am very jealous, my boyfriend is very good looking and quite a few girls fancy him and i always get mad about this and cause more arguments, deep down i know i can trust him he wouldnt cheat on me, even when hes single he doesnt go out on the pull etc hes just not like that, however even though i KNOW this i just cant believe it, or i forget it or something, im not dsure but i still get upsept when he talks to a girl or if a girl txts him even though ive heard from other people that girls have tried it on with him and he always says no ive got a girlfriend.
because of my paranoia it all got too much back in the end of july and we split up, this broke my heart , however he missed me like crazy and we did get back together in october, for a while things wer eperfect as i swore i was not going to make the same mistake again, but its just started again, a girl at work is trying to get her claws into him and even though i know from other people he wont do anything its turned me into a stupid wreck, we are arguing again and i know if it carrys on we will split up, also its driving me insane, i spend half my life worrying about why there was no kisses on the end of the txt he just sent me etc, its so pathetic yet even though i know im pathetic i cant stop. he says when im being ME he loves being with me n doesnt wanna split up but ive gotta stop all this stupidity otherwise ill lose him forever. i know im a complete idiot n theres probably nothing you can do to help but someone try please.
Sometimes, it is good to talk to him about it in a non-argumentative form that is. If he really is understanding that won't stop him or make him feel ill towards you.
Though such a relationship can be draining for both sides. You're tortured by your fears. And he is probably constantly having to find new ways to quench those fears and forcing him as well to being hypersentitive to your feelings since sometimes (quite frequently in reality) a man just doesn't know whats on a womans mind.
Me personally being a guy, have had to remember that sometimes a relationship will have quiet times, times where little is said. The love is still there, but I'm glad I don't have to stress about prooving my love. Long term relationships are harder to maintain if it is expected that someone be continuously "on their game" constantly forced to impress the other party. Both parties will need to help keep the relationship going and improving.
One other thing concerning personal improvements, sometimes doing something for someone else helps you forget your own problems. If you find yourself getting paranoid, try doing something simple and nice for him. Maybe even complimenting the other girls now and then on something. Simple things to keep your thoughts not centered around yourself.
~LB ibIncognito (P)-"I wonder why no one tries to steal advice" (T)-"Because advice is free" (S)-"And thats because its easier to give advice than to take it, definite supply and demand issues going on there" (T)-"Don't forget quality and quantity" (P)-"Leave your punny logic and metaphorical business mumbo jumbo else where"
--- Tuesday, January 11, 2005 -
Answer by: phoebeee
the only thing i no to say is what you keep telling yourself.....you need to stop getting so worried! He obviously loves you and you love him, think about how hard it was when you guys broke up you dont want that to happen again. You really need to try even harder to stop being jealous or its not going to work. Have you tried sitting down with him and telling him how much your being affected even tho you no that he loves you and would never cheat on you?
I tend to be an over analyzer sometimes and i beat myself up all the time and it winds up being nothing and after the fact i realize that my analyzation was stupid but i still wind up doing it again and i no how much it hurts and i no that i will probably always do it and it stinks and to me it seems thats what you are doing. You no you have no reason to be jealous and to wonder if he still loves you but you cant help it. But no matter how much he loves you it may drive him away if he feels like he is constantly being questioned. I dont no what to tell you because in actuality i no how easy it is to tell yourself to stop while still knowing you never will. So id say either try harder!!! or this may be drastic idk you need to decide but maybe see someone who can help you sort through it i no about 6 yrs ago when i was maybe 10 i went to a pyscologist and it helped alittle but really its all about helping yourself.
im not sure if that will help at all, but you no how much you want him and its all up to you if you can get over this jealousy or not, i think you can.
LOVE QUESTIONS & ANSWERS: Love Q & A : Get your love & relationship questions answered - NEW!! Love Q&A Forum | Old Love Q&A Love Pros : Professional Help with love's challenges & relationships
