im responding to my previous email. i dont think my boyfriend has a problem with commitment or being away for long periods of time. he was in two 5 year relationships before, while he was in the military. ine of the reasons he feels that we shouldnt be together is because i havent been to college yet, but im going to finish college. he has very high standards for me, and sometimes i dont feel good enough. hes already graduated and done so many things in his life. but anyways, i just dont understand why he hasnt called. i keep making excuses for him, like he forgot his cell phone charger, but then i know someone would let him use theirs, if he really wanted to call. how can he be here with me, telling me all these great things, that he loves me, wants to get married before he goes to the desert, and talks about buying land and building our house. but then hes got men at his work always asking when the wedding is, because he always talks about me.sometimes i think the only way he really appreciates me is when a good buddy of his tells him how wonderful i am, how lucky he is, and wishs he could have me or clone me. after that hell be all over me, saying how much he loves me, but then it dies down until he sees that friend again. and what really sucks is that guy moved away not too long ago. so, im totally confused. i try and make him happy with everything ive got. i guess ill have to wait till he calls or comes home. any suggestions on what i should say or do?
Responses to this article:
--- Monday, January 24, 2005 -
Answer by: sam
First up, I don't know your whole situation, so it's always a possibility that I could be wrong about things. In regards to your soldier boyfriend -- just because he has had girlfriends in the past last lasted N-years, doesn't mean that he's ready to marry you or make a REAL and LASTING commitment. No offense, but let me ask you something. You are living with him, right? And, you moved in with him a couple of months of dating him, right? You're also having sex with him too, I presume? Bad, bad idea. When I speak of a commitment, I mean a commitment of a sort of you having a ring on your finger. He can talk about marrying you all he wants -- where's the ring? Where's the commitment? Why does he blow you off? Why does he break up with you as soon as he "walks through the door"? Look, my perspective would be MUCH different if the guy called you and didn't ignore you for so long. If he was wonderful towards you, and cared about how you'd worry, or to care to hear your voice at least -- my outlook would be completely different. I'm sure you are a wonderful girl, and I'm sure that he does talk about you. BUT, actions say more than words. A guy could and would tell a girl a huge amount of BS just to keep her around for sex, or to get her in bed. It does NOT mean he is serious about her. This is how a lot of guys are. A guy's actions is what tells you how serious he is about you. To answer your question on what you should say when he eventually calls -- say whatever comes to mind. Don't be a doormat just because you're sprung over the guy. You have a right to know what's going on if you're in a relationship with him. Maybe you should ask him WHAT'S UP???
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