Hey Sam, Hope your New Year is going along well. Mine is okay. But at least its not as bad as it could be. Anyway, I am the one who asked you for advice because someone who I had been in a relationship with I found out she was starting to see someone else. Short story long, I can understand why she is feeling the way she is feeling becasue of the things I did to her. She had said that she didn't want the added emotional pressure of my neediness and wanted me to be able to offer her something.
So I have been trying to keep from contacting her unless it is something that is a positive thing, like improving my current situation and not telling her how much I miss her and want her back. Which is leading up to the two things I would like your advice on. First, I had said I would try just a couple of times a month to e-mail her just to say Hi, but I know I am going to have a hard time doing that. Would it be too much to e-mail her maybe once or twice a week to say Hi? I sent one today and it said, "Just e-mailing you to say Hi, I hope things are going well for you and I am thinking of you." I'm not going to freak out when she doesn't respond because I would be really surprised if she did so soon. But I find it so hard to not at least tell her that I am thinking of her.
The second thing I want to ask you about is the last Friday of each month, the fellowship I go to for NA gives out chips for how much time people have clean. And on that Friday I will be eligible for my six month chip. In the past I had asked her to go to other things (like an MRI that I got about a month and a half ago) but I would ask her if she was going because I asked or if she really wanted to go. And her response was if you want me to be there, I'll be there. Anyway, I would like to ask her, probably on the third Friday of this month, if she would come to the meeting of she is able to see me get my six month chip. It would mean alot to me if she was there but there is no way I am going to try and do the guilt thing (Are you there because I asked or because you want to.) If she shows it would be great but I know that if she doesn't show, that isn't a reason to start using again. I mean I can understand if she doesn't want to or isn't able to be there, but I would enjoy it and I know I can just say Thanks for showing up.
So that is what a little bit of my mind is wrapped around at the particular moment. I have plenty of other things to keep busy with, so I am not completely obsessing with her which I am happy about. But there is going to be a portion of my mind that is thinking of her for a while. (Which I guess technically is obsessing. AARRGGHH! Ha ha.) Looking forward to hearing your view and thanks again for the advice.
Troy
Responses to this article:
--- Saturday, January 8, 2005 -
Answer by: sam
Well Troy, apparently you haven't told her how you feel about her yet. :-) In my opinion I think you should let on how you feel about her and that you would like to try the relationship again. Be honest and get it out now before this other guy becomes serious to her. As far as e-mailing goes in the meantime I think once or twice a month is more feasible considering the situation. Without you telling her directly how you feel about her, she might be getting annoyed wondering why you are e-mailing her so often. Just my opinion.
As for NA -- definitely ask her to be there for you. Congratulations, by the way, you should be very proud of yourself.
Don't be afraid to live in the moment, tell her how you feel before it's too late. Whatever her answer -- at least you'll know and can take it from there. :-)
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