I have been seeing this guy for about 5 months, but he moved 6 hours away after the 2nd month of knowing him. He still comes out to see me once a month for a few days and he calls and text messages me everyday. He asks me every time before he leaves if he can kiss me, but i say no even though i really do want to. I only give him a hug. The reason i don't is because i have a hard time trusting guys since when i was in 9th grade i was sexually assualted. I have never gone out with anyone because of that which is why im 21 and still haven't been kissed yet. I don't know if i should tell him or not, if by telling him maybe it would make it easier for him to understand why it might take me longer to get to the point of a kiss. But i don't want to scare him off and i don't want him to wait around forever with me and get bored of me. He has been really patient, and i am surprised he is still talking to me and saying that he wants to be with me. If anyone has any advice on how i should go about with this it would be greatly appreciated.
Responses to this article:
--- Tuesday, March 1, 2005 - I know where you are coming from
Answer by: dtb511
hun i am sorry to hear what happened but i have been where you are and yes it is hard to talk about an d hard to trust guys. I was assulted in the summer before my senior year and he took away my V-Card the thing was i was soo ashmed of myself i decided not to care about anything and did whatever i wanted i figured love was nothing special and i slept around. The thing is i regret it.
I am currently in a relationship with a guy and over xmas break my past came back to haunt me and i never wanted my boyfriend to touch me i was fraid to tell him why. i finally told him what was wrong and he was very caring and there for me he told me that it was alrightnow and that he was there for me whenever i needed him.
I think that you should tell him and if he cares about you and wants to be with you he will understand and be there or you when you need him. And if he is not ok with it then i think that you can do much better than him! But if he sticks by you cause what happened happened long ago he is one special guy!
Sorry to hear about your history. What I have found is communication is key to any relationship such as yours. Many success stories of healthy relationships involving abuse start out with both parties willing to work with the problems that occur from the effects of abuse.
From what it sounds he's probably going to be very understanding. So go ahead and try talking about it. You also sound as if you want a relationship, which is good. Starting to talk with him may be the first step towards something that will help you in the long run (full recovery and who knows a long lasting healthy relationship).
You may want to check out a few sites, ummm I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post any so I'll pass on it in this message.
I wish you the best! I'll help as much as possible if you need/want it. Hope my little message helps a bit.
~LB ibIncognito
--- Saturday, February 19, 2005 -
Answer by: stiffmeis
well as a guy I would want to know. It would shed some light and clear up some confusion on the entire situation instead of me guessing why you wouldn't let me kiss you.. I dunno if it would scare me off. I mean he's waited this long, he seems legit in his intentions and well don't let anyone make you do anything. take as long as you need. Thats all I got for yah girl, just take things slow, god knows I should have. Haven't posted here in a while, lol I feel soo bad. sry all!! ~kev
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