My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years and is planning to marry June 25th. I can say that we are so much in love and I can’t wait to be his misses. The only problem now is for the past 6 months he has been talking about babies… he wants to have one soon after we get married, but I don’t want any kids and when we met I thought I made that very clear. I wont say that I hate kids but I just don’t like them they make me uncomfortable. I told him that if he wanted children he should have made that clear in the beginning and I would have never let our relationship go this far. Right now I am currently on birth control and I’ve been on it for about 3 ˝ years. I would love to get my tubes tied but unfortunately the doctors wont allow it because I’m to young and they feel I will want kids later, which is not the case here. I DO NOT EVER WANT THEM… I just want to know what should I do about my fiancé; he feels that now I should do this because we love each other and because he wants a family but what about what I want, every one says we need to compromise but how? Should I leave him or should I stay? I love him but I can’t be happy making him happy. Between my family, his family and my friends every one tells me that if I had kids it will be ok because they are mine, but no one understands that there are actual people in this world that DO NOT want kids and I am one of them. And no I am not a child hater or abuser or any other factor of child endangerment… Children are cute and all but they are not for me… I don’t touch em, talk to them, hold them or nothing you can say I am actually scared of kids from newborn to 10 yrs old.
Wow a rare trait caused by fear (I must comment since it is unique don't take it the wrong way), I haven't known to many who don't ever want children of their own, you are not alone in that aspect. Though this fear may stem from other problems, I wont address that since you're asking a different question.
I agree you'll need to talk to him about this, you'll have to be honest about your fears, your problems etc., don't settle for a compromise just yet since there is sincere love between you two. Hmmm... I would say as well have BOTH of you try and understand your concerns better, perhaps (and I don't want to seem like I'm forcing this Idea on you) you may actually will want children later on once you two start understanding this better.
~LB ibIncognito (LB)-"Children are so little, I feel like I'm going to break them" (S)-"If children were as physically fragile as you think they are then I doubt any child would make it past toddler"
--- Wednesday, February 9, 2005 -
Answer by: sam
I am wondering if there are perhaps deeper reasons as to why you feel the way you do towards children? I understand that some people or couples just don't want kids... some people are more the "career" type...some people would rather have dogs... but you're scared of them? That sounds a bit out of the ordinary.
Regardless, this is huge. You state that you clearly do not want kids, he says he does. You need to sit him down and tell him exactly what you've written here, as soon as possible.
Marriage is a huge commitment, and having children often goes with marriage more often than not... your situation is something that should be seriously understood -- especially if you two are planning to marry in the near future. Next time you see him have a talk about this.
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