Hiya, ive posted here be4! i must look like a right whinger. but me and my boyfriend of 1 year had an argument again last night. It was triggered by playing on an online game! i said "looks like im not needed anymore in this grp" and he turned around snapped and i swore and said "fking shut up" and then he got in a huge rage and went downstairs. I went and followed and told him i was really sorry and i didnt mean to cause an argument, i dont know how i did, but apparently i did! Thing is, im a very independant person, but i lost my job recently and its proving difficult to find a job, i look back at last night, and i was sat there for ages pleading and begging him to forgive me, for sumthing i dont even know about!! i dnt know wot ive turned into. I said in my other post i want to walk out sumtimes but im terrified he wont call me, which i absolutely know he would. I dont want to talk to family about it because they all preach and say oh oh just leave him! its not so easy. i love him and i know he loves me. I just dnt know how to react when we have an argument. do i plead? apologise? do i walk away? i dnt like the idea of him going to bed be4 me, during an argument, vecause nothing will get resolved. and i dnt wanna sleep with a train track down the bed. please help. any advise wud be great
Responses to this article:
--- Tuesday, March 1, 2005 -
Answer by: Emma
Hey! I've missed you too :-) *big hug*
Sorry I've not been around much, I've been busy at work - had a few weeks when I've literally been too tired to turn on the PC! You see, I stare at a screen all day long so often, it's the last thing I wanna do when I get home... so if I go away, I'm never gone forever - you don't get rid of me that easily :-)
It seems you've seen even less of Enigma; I don't have any idea where she went.
Perhaps we ought to start that campaign which used to happen frequently when Enigma didn't post for a day... hehehe... just kidding - but it would be great to see her around again :-D
Enigma - how you doing girl? Let us know if you're browsing, ya know how we get when you're gone!
--- Monday, February 28, 2005 -
Answer by: sam
Hey Emma!!! I've missed you a lot, where the heck have you been? Do you know what happened to Enigma? It's great to see you back on the boards!
--- Sunday, February 27, 2005 -
Answer by: Emma
Hmmm, I have to agree with Sam (how ya doin' dude?)
It does sound as though YOU were the one who initially started the friction in this exchange...
...In order to gain respect, you must first learn to give it...
Ensure that YOU are level-headed, that YOU respond appropriately to him & that YOU give HIM the respect a partner rightly deserves. Only then, can you be in a position to come the innocent victim...
Observe your own behaviour, the likelihood is that you may be so wrapped up in his reaction to you, that you neglect to first take note of the way you talk to him & overall, the way you treat him.
I don't doubt what you say, you may love him with all your heart but what good is that when the other, comparatively minor, things happening in your life restrict that message from getting to him?
That really is a shame - so get things into perspective, show him how you feel & don't bottle up other worries which might ultimately cause you to behave in a way which might not be the real you. Don't lose him over this.
Best of luck
--- Saturday, February 26, 2005 -
Answer by: sam
I completely disagree with Sara... I think he (the boyfriend) had a right to feel hurt as a result of your playing games and telling him to "f-ing shut up." That's disrespectful. Keep that attitude, and he probably will break up with you. Who can blame him?
Your being independent has nothing to do with you being abusive towards your boyfriend. Sure, life is hard, and throws us a curveball at times -- but you don't take it out on the people you supposedly love. They are there to support and help you -- not to take your abuse.
The best thing at this time is for you to once again apologize, let him get over it -- and focus on curbing YOUR anger and temper. I guarantee that a nice guy won't stick around if you keep telling him to "shut the f-up" or that "You're not needed anymore in this grip." Treat him better, it's what he at least deserves. Cut the games and grow up if you want him to stick around.
--- Friday, February 25, 2005 -
Answer by: Sara
Does he have a bad temper? Just b/c he gets mad at you doesn't mean you should just automatically apoligize...especially if you don't even know why you are...
Everyone gets in conflicts every now and then it's only natural but different people deal with them differently...Im the type of person that needs a little time to think about it b4 talking it out...It sounds like you might be the type of person who likes to talk it out immediately...I definately agree that you should work out any arguments b4 going to bed though...Just talk to him and tell him how you feel...work out some kind of agreement on how you should handle the next conflict
If he does have a bad temper the best way to get him to stop is to not give into it by apoligizing...give him some tuff love...don't encourage that kind of behavior b/c it'll only get worse
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