I have fallen in love with this great and wonderful woman. She is so willing to help myself in my problems, and yet she forgets to take care of herself. She is very dear to me and I wish for her happiness.
Having studied a bit concerning the matter, and knowing a few details of her past I know she has suffered from a form of abuse. She feels imperfect, driven by loneliness and the feeling of worthlessness despite her great achievements. Her self image is poor and it is difficult for me to convince her of how truly beautiful and charming she is. I compliment her on her qualities, support her in her activities, and try my best to convey her true worth.
She fears closeness and hates expressing her feelings and admits she has a hard time trusting despite her knowledge of my unwavering devotion to her. She wishes to put on a strong front, not wanting to let her painful emotions show. I do not mind this at all, it just worries me since she clearly is in pain and torments herself.
I fear everything I do for her isn't enough though, or there could be something more I can be doing. I am a patient man and understand these effects could take years to overcome, but I am also open to suggestions, comments and stories of others that may aid in my quest to understand her better, make her happy and lift her self-esteem.
Responses to this article:
--- Thursday, February 17, 2005 - TY for a womans perspective MissKnowItAll
Answer by: ibincognito
I've been reading up on it and have gained more knowledge concerning the issue, thanks for your comments BTW. Apparently this isn't something that is going to take a short amount of time and little effort (too much effort is bad too), this may take years but I'm determined! So I'll need to strike a balance and I'll need loads of practice.
Sam is right in some aspects, she will need to be willing to change herself, all I can do is encourage it and use lots and lots of communication and mutual decision making concerning the issue. As for counciling I am aware that it doesn't always work and the length of time and outside support for councilling must be present.
In the meantime I'll keep trying and searching expanding my capacity to help her.
~LB ibIncognito
--- Monday, February 14, 2005 - well.///......
Answer by: missknowitall
Hey, wats up dude, you know i can really relate to your girl, umm i know i am like this girl, i have a really low self esteem, just to let you know the compliments may raise it a little but it wont work that much, believe me i would know, i dont agree with the sam person, becuase honeslty i went to counseling and it didn't help me any. Why dont you actually get one of your firends to help her , ot better yet, her firends. That will help. DOnt get me wrong your support would help but, she also needs a girls opinion. and beleive me you wanna keep suporting her. I hope that helped you.
--- Thursday, February 10, 2005 - Thank you for your input
Answer by: ibincognito
I figured as much, this reaffirmation makes me feel better (rather gives me courage)
~LB ibIncognito
--- Thursday, February 10, 2005 -
Answer by: sam
Her lack of self-esteem and self-worth is something you cannot heal or fix... SHE alone needs to address this and go to counseling.
Not to say, though, that your support doesn't help, she could use a friend more than anything, and that's wonderful that you've been there for her. However, this viewpoint she has will not change until she wants to change it, and seek help doing so. There are great therapists out there that are professionals in such matters.
Encourage her to talk to someone who can help her get past her pain.
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