Well, there is this new girl in school. The deal is that she moved here from the bigger city (I think it's bigger) and is now at our school. That, I found, is not the truth. My teacher got a little carried away having humor, and I found some other stuff. Anyways. It turns out that she is older than me. Who cares. I am trying to treat everyone as a living thing and equal, despite age, sex, race, yadda yadda. Well, she said she liked me; not in a romantic way, more like, 'you are cool. I like you' kind of way. She said I was cool too. Today, also, I was sitting where these guys usually sit when they want to be late to class, just around the corner to the hall where some stuff is stacked, I was waiting for lunch to end, my class was locked, and the library was closed. I knew I could wait, since I have my own ways of getting out of trouble. I just sat there, minding my own biz, some girls walked by, the first surprised I was there (not seeing me from afar), and they walked by. I guess I looked a little, how you would say, "down in the dumps", or "getting the blues", because my eyes were downward, focusing on my hands. I often retreat to examining my hands. Well, the new girl walked by, and saw me there. She asked if I was okay, I told her why I was here, the class was closed, all that. She was a bit concerned for me until she learned why I was there (or wondering, idk). Well, that about sums it up. She isn't the girl everyone flocks to, but she isn't the one shunned away. Oh, and she offered to be my friend, after our teacher after lunch gave me a rundown about not being in class before the bell, and that I should go be with my friends (I said I'm to dark and miserable to have any friends, that I was that evil little kid hiding in the corner, which I'm not). So, if you read this, what can you tell me? Am I (most likely) just being to observant and looking in the wrong directions, looking for another girl to fill in for whatever times I'm lonely, or is this really, uh, well, 'something'. I don't really care, I would just like to know. It hasn't been often that someone has acted towards me that she has. Well, I think...
Responses to this article:
--- Sunday, March 13, 2005 -
Answer by: Emma
Oh & one other thing, I forgot to say, I'm your friend. So, if you ever want to talk some more do post here again. I'm always around :-)
Laters,
Em
--- Sunday, March 13, 2005 -
Answer by: Emma
What an amazing reply, thank you so much! It seems we understand each other ;-)
I'd like to claim the "psychic" bit but I kinda saw myself in you. I was screwed over by people simply for being too "nice" & too quiet; hence my self-esteem by the time I reached 18 was pretty much in tatters. This was until I found Christ & until I discovered who I really was (instead of listening to what other people were saying & letting them tear me apart).
I still can't bring myself to trust people & often I am very lonely but you just have to keep chugging along until you come across people who you might be able to place your trust in... this opportunity has arisen for you now so grab it with both hands.
It's terrible when you feel "invisible", when the World seems to pass you by without anyone getting to know you, there's always a reason for people being this way & normally it's past relationships which have taken the faith, they once had in the human race, away.
Take care. I really hope things work out & that you can let that beautiful personality of yours shine because, to be honest, everyone's missing out on it...
--- Saturday, March 12, 2005 - Wow
Answer by: Lance_19
Wow. You must have honed some psychic powers or something. You completely, almost flawlessly, said everything true about my situations and myself. I'm not one to be bullied though, I just don't like placing too much trust in people. I've learned that one moment they can be a friend, then the next, an enemy. This is from experience. but I shall heed your advice. Thank you! I actually feel like someone understands me. =)
--- Saturday, March 12, 2005 -
Answer by: Emma
Lance, I really do think you should have more self esteem.
There is no rational reason why you should "over analyse" any occurrence when someone is friendly towards you. For some reason, that only you know, it seems you don't feel "worthy" of this sort of attention... it's one thing for it to be unfamiliar but quite another not to be comfortable with it.
No one deserves to be alone & you sound, to me, like an awesome guy(!) who is maybe overlooked in favour of other more outer going guys? I'm just guessing but since you tell us that not many people have acted the way this girl has towards you, you haven't you been able to trust people, having been bullied is often a reason for this.
It's terribly sad if you feel you ought to get through loneliness because no one has ever given you a way out... I've been there, I know what it's like, but at some point you HAVE to let those barriers down & allow someone to help. I understand what you say though, not too many people come along with this offer & it can seem hopeless but you have a friend now, someone who sounds lovely, someone you may be able to trust... someone who's throwing you a life-line.
For the time being, I would say enjoy it! Don't think about it too much; just send out signals that you want her around, in whatever capacity... but let her know that you enjoy her company. Smile your beautiful smile... Then, things might develop further later on ;-)
Loneliness is quite possibly the worst & most damaging mental frame to be in. There seems to be no way out, approaching people seems out of the question & a life of locked away emotions seems the only option. But, trust me, there is another way... it's not healthy to be aloof all the time.
Keep on getting to know this girl, have the confidence to believe that you are worth getting to know. Enjoy new experiences, be open to trying different things but most of all, don't shut her out because of your own insecurities. Let her in.
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