I have been dating this woman for almost three years. Because of some mistakes we both made(not cheating or anythng like that) now she says she needs time to get over some things before we can proceed with our relationship. One of the reasons she is upset with me is because she suffered more for the mistakes she made than I did. She feels somewhat bitter and resentful towards me about it all. My question is how can i get her to talk to me about what she is feeling? It can be very hard to get her to express her emotions at times, esp about this. Should I just leave her alone and let her figure it out, or is this just her way of letting me go slowly and gently? I am ready for any answer(i think)and am comitted to doing anything to make this great relatonship work again. I know all relationships have bumps along the road and I pray that is what this is. Thanks for any help.
Responses to this article:
--- Saturday, March 26, 2005 -
Answer by: sam
Hey Em! :-)
GOBUCKS, I am really curious as to what exactly has happened in your relationship with this lady that would cause such distrust and resentment. Maybe if you let on what has happened I can give you more thorough advice on the matter... but nonetheless, my advice concerning TRUST is still basically the same. Trust is essential for a healthy, happy relationship. Without trust, the relationship is ultimately doomed. Trust can be found again and reapired after making mistakes -- and while you say that what happened between you and your significant other did not invlove cheating -- perhaps what happened can ultimately be resolved after all.
I think you two need to sit down and TALK. Get all feelings and everything out on the table. Make compromises if necessary -- but make the goal of your communication to be to reach a conclusion and move on -- grow -- from everything. If you feel a little extra help is in need -- couples counseling is always EXTREMELY beneficial.
If she cannot find herself to make compromises or regain trust in you after all -- then perhaps the relationship has run its course.
I hope things work out for the best... after all, three years is a long time. Good luck.
--- Saturday, March 12, 2005 -
Answer by: Emma
Well, I do think giving her time is a good idea but you should be careful to avoiding giving her so much time that you end up having no idea where you stand.
Instead of accepting her reason as being to "get over things", how about her adding whether she believe the relationship is worth it? Is her love for you strong enough? Is a reunion what she is ultimately looking for?
It seems you are quite confused & if she is not one for expressing her feelings then this merely adds to the problems but express her feelings she must! Otherwise, what sort of relationship have you been having with her? Was it ever a relationship which could stand the test of time? These are questions you need to answer.
I understand her bitterness of mistakes she may have made, but she is adult & must come to terms with that on her own & accept the blame as hers instead of taking it out on you.
Talk to her, ask her how she feels about YOU - tell her you can accept any answer, but that you really do need an answer either for closure or for hope. That's what it boils down to... the love you share, if it ain't there no matter how long the "time out" period is, the relationship will never work.
It may have been great at first but if the feelings have gone, you both must accept - it just wasn't the "real thing".
I am praying for you, I hope you get the answers you are looking for.
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