Well I have been with my boyfriend whom I love very very much for about a year now we started dateing july 4th. When we started dateing my family liked him a lot . We made love every night that we could be together and it was so romantic. He went to a theme park with my family and I and it all just seemed like it was meant to be.Then he said that he had to leave to Arizona and that he was going to get things in order then I could come down and stay with him. Before he left I asked him if he loved me and he would not tell me. I know that his ex gf in the past hurt him very badly for one, and we had only been together for just a month. So I thought I would give it a little time and he would come around. After he left we would talk every night on the phone and he had come up to visit me in Utah for new years. One night after we made love and was just holding eachother he wispered I love you to me when he thought I was asleep. And when he left we both said I love you to eachother. But he is still down in Arizona he has a real nice job and car but he still is staying with his family and he said that he needs to pay off all his bills and get into a good place before I can go down there. He said in the mean time he would like me to go to school and get a dagree so in a year or two we can both be ready for children. The thing is, is I will say I love you to him all the time but he will not say it back to me. but he will talk to me in a way that I know he does not have another woman there with him. I don't know if he is just tring to hold off for something, or if he just does not love me, or if he is scared or unsure. I love him so much that I don't know if I want to hear what he would say if I was to talk to him about this. What should I do?
Responses to this article:
--- Monday, March 14, 2005 -
Answer by: Emma
It seems there's a lot you're unsure about uh?
I would point out firstly that, no matter how strong your feelings are for him, if he happened to be stringing you along for the love making sessions you guys have when you are together... surely you would want to know the truth? It's one thing to say you'd rather not know if he's playing away but relationships & "love" are all based upon trust - if you don't have that then, in my opinion, you don't have anything... :-( So, get the truth, I can't stress that enough!
It worries me that you seem to assume - if you were to sit him & talk things through with him that he'd say something you don't want to hear. Here's the deal, if you're planning on a future with someone, you need to be given the option to walk away if they're being unfaithful to you at the start don't you?
Wouldn't it be better to end it now rather than later when you may have children in the equation??! Food for thought, so take a bite :-)
Communicate. You need trust & if he isn't able to provide you with any words of reassurance then I really do hope you wake up & smell that coffee, give him an ultimatum & find a decent guy who you can trust.
Talk to him first; ask him to put your mind at ease. If he reacts angrily or is nonchalant & blows everything off, you have your answer & it's up to you how you want to play it.
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