I am a 32y/o male. I have known this girl for about 7 years. I am/was high school friends with her ex-fiance. He has since been arrested for dealing and has basically left her high and dry with four kids. She is seeing this guy/kid who is 21 and doesn't know what he wants. She by the way is 28. He sees his friends and doesn't admit that he has a girlfriend. She is totally into him but in the next breath she says that she is trying to pull back so he can decide what he wants. They are together all the time. She says that she isn't stressing about it,"If it's meant to be then it will work itself out". Problem is I think I REALLY!! like her. I have helped her out with the bills and her kids. We are more like brother and sister. I don't want it that way. I wanna tell her how I feel but I don't wanna ruin what we have. I can't stand back and watch her miserable about this dude but I don't wanna complicate things either. What should I do? PLease help.
Responses to this article:
--- Friday, March 4, 2005 -
Answer by: Emma
Well, all the decisions are hers so if she chooses to "waste time" with a 21 year old, irresponsible guy who can't seem to make his mind up about what he wants, lies about having a girlfriend & doesn't help with the kids or the bills... that is, at the end of the day, entirely her choice.
Though, you could alert her attention to what you have seen AS A FRIEND... were she to know your feelings there exists the possibility that she'll perceive any "interference" as mere jealously.
Talk to her, it sounds as though you are close friends so, because of your interest as a good friend, you ought to at least begin to give her your opinion on the relationship she finds herself in.
As for, what happens from there - it depends whether she is willing to wake up & smell the coffee. This guy may do all of the work for you if she were to discover that the relationship will never truly work when he cops out on his responsibilities one too many times.
Her emotions are, most likely, all of the place dealing with 4 children all on her own. Maybe she clings to him because she doesn't want to be all alone. Who knows... but if you are as close as you say you are, maybe revealing your feelings in a "no-pressure" way would enable her to see how much happier she could be with someone else.
Take the chance if you reckon the benefits outweigh the risks. Try to be diplomatic & don't apply any pressure - that is the only way the friendship could survive, should her response to you be a negative one.
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