I've been with my boyfriend for over two years, we have a very healthy relationship and love eachother very much. The problem is, I've been cheated on and treated badly in the past, and i CANNOT let go of the thought that my current boyfriend will do the same. He is very loyal, loving, faithful and treats me wonderfully. He has given me no reason to not trust him.
My insecurities are really starting to take a toll on him, and us. It crushes him everytime i ask him "who's number is this?" or if an old girl friend calls him to say hi, i have to ask if anything is going on. He is upset that i dont trust him, and so am i. I need to let go of my past and learn to trust this man i'm with because he is nothing less then wonderful.
How do I do this? How can i fully trust him without constantly asking him if he's being faithful to me? He and i both want me to let go and open up and trust him but i dont know how. I want to, but i dont know how to trust. Im constantly afraid of being hurt again and i realize that if i do trust him, or if i dont, if he was GOING to cheat, he'd do it anyway.
someone, give me some insite. i am so tired of being so insecure and acusing him of things that arent happening, and it isnt fair to him.
we have every intention of working through this, but i need to know how do i let go of my past boyfriend who were terrible and cheaters and learn to trust this man!?
Any advice would be so appriciated, thank you.
Responses to this article:
--- Tuesday, March 8, 2005 -
Answer by: Emma
Okay Carrie, the first thing - I'd like to congratulate you for recognising your problem. That takes a lot & this relationship truly would be doomed if you couldn't figure out how your behaviour could be so harmful...
Right then, I suggest counselling too. People in relationships go through it all the time - Brad & Jen I hear are trying this method in order to salvage their marriage before it is too late & I strongly urge you to do the same, seek help before you lose your man...
First, you must talk to HIM. Tell him, if you haven't already, that you totally acknowledge the harm this is doing to him & the relationship. Tell him how much you love him.
Love conquers all so whatever you do don't let that cheat of your past steal the remaining chance of happiness that you have now. It seems he's taken enough of your life & heart to have affected the way your true personality & your true feelings are expressed. Instead of flowing & allowing you to be happy, they're being held back by the forces of pain that that creep made you feel.
So talk things through. Be as open as you can. Seek help. Be happy. If you allow your past heartache to steal happiness with a guy so wonderfully patient, you may not get another chance at something real with a guy who's less so... get what I'm saying?
Make the change today, look up & go through some counselling together. I hear it's wonderfully uplifting, like having all of that weight which is currently lying on your heart lifted away. And what is more beautiful than knowing you accomplished it together?!
I really hope you are able to let go of the past. Be brave & take the next step, the worst bit is over now allow the professionals to help the both of you. Best of luck
--- Monday, March 7, 2005 - Do you really Trust him?
Answer by: bam
Well what i think from reading your post is.....Yes it sucks to be cheated on and Yes it isnt something people get over like that. I assume your boyfriend knows that you had been cheated on in the past and he should be a little bit more understanding with you. Theres not much you can do to make sure he is being faithful to you 24/7 other then having a camera crew follow him. So maybe advice with a little counceling would help. My advice to you though is if you love this guy then you need to trust him its the only thing to do because if what u say is true about this guy then you have nothing to fear. But coming from a family where my father cheated on my mother i know the signs your looking for and its not bad to keep an eye out but not to let it consume you. So in the end all there is to do is Trust him, Love him, and with that he will have no reason to cheat on you because you sound like you found a jerk in the past and it sounds like you found a good guy to be with......Hope the best for you and remember dont worry so much this guy loves you
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