Alittle more than a month ago, I (24) met someone who's 23 through a good friend of mine. It ended up that we began talking online alot before we hung out bc we shared the same mutual friend. Somehow btwn him wanting to meet me, he planned it so we'd meet that same week that we began talking online. We both hit it off immediately (the nite before we met we spoke 2 and 1/2 hrs on the phone in the middle of the nite), we have TONS in common, and could not wait to meet one another. Not only was the mental attraction there but also very physically attracted to one another through pictures.
Upon meeting in a group w/ our mutual friends, we meshed right together w/ the same sense of humor, just everything. From that nite, we have been pretty inseperable. From him texting me at least once a day if not more saying "saying hi 2 u makes my day brighter)or how beautiful i am, to daily nite time calls, to hanging out both weekend nites, and then him meeting me for lunch at work lately...He's usually the one who calls me often or initiates the hanging out/meetings... Everything is wonderful...absolutely wonderful. The only thing is, he got out of a somewhat serious relationship w/ this 19 yr old girl who is VERY immature and is threatening to do something to herself, or has her mother bothering him. So it's not like there was a clean break. He wants nothing to do w/ her because they would fight ALLLL the time and as he said, he's was trying to make things better for awhile. Besides the ex who he broke up w/ about 2-3 months ago, he has some family problems.
The only thing that is really bothering me in a way is despite all this is, he says "He's not ready to have a label" Last nite, after we hung out, and got pretty phsyical, i guess I got pretty bothered bc I'm not very easy when it comes to that stuff...I somewhat was confused, and wanted to know where we stand..He just said, that I should be patient...Maybe we'll become a couple, maybe we wont..It all takes time .. I would be proud to call you my girlfriend but it all needs time if so"
The past two serious relationships he's had was after he was friends w/ the girls for months before they became a couple.
Today, we spent the whole day together seeing some movies, and going to dinner..and already as he was driving me home he's like So where are we going next, like he was making plans already for both nites next weekend or even this weekday,)but he seemed kinda distant physically wise. Usually he's all hugsy and when i went near him he kinda seemed to go the other way.. So i was sorta confused, and he's like "well after what u said last nite, u know I don't want to hurt you, yet I'm not in a rush...I love spending the day w/ u..i love ur company..."
I guess what I am afraid of is, getting too attatched. I like him. I guess I'm just afraid of getting hurt in a sense...
Do i just hang out and see what happens? In a sense, it has been very quick, like only alittle more than a month, but I mean the frequency on convos and seeing one another, I guess had me more confused. As I'm typing this , I actually understand more where he's coming from out of getting out of a crappy long relationship. I guess I feel like him and I are so good together, that it's kinda a shame that the old has to do w/ something so new and great(instead of just enjoying it for what it is). What do I do? Is there ANYTHING to do? lol
Responses to this article:
--- Tuesday, April 19, 2005 -
Answer by: sam
PLEASE tell me you didn't sleep with him.
Let me tell you a little secret about guys -- the majority of them (at least in the younger age bracket) are dogs, looking for a hot female to have a good time with.
Seems like you fit the mold perfectly.
Your FIRST mistake, is how obvious it is that you keep thinking about HIM in all of this, and what he wants, etc. Make it a priority to decide what YOU want. If you're only hanging around a guy for a little over a month -- you need to take it SLOW. A gorgeous woman who gets physical with a guy so soon only shows that you are wanting to get physical and have a great time. Men are really that simple. If you want to get serious with a guy, don't get physical so soon. WAIT it out. Get to know him and his interests, and see where it goes. Since this particular guy just got out of another relationship, that would again, be another reason for you to not get emotionally involved. A guy on the rebound from a reltionship is probably looking for some sex, no strings attached.
The writing's on the wall for this one. If you've been seeing him for approx. a month, and he's telling you he's not sure he wants a relationship, nine time out of ten -- he's telling you he DOESN'T want a relationship, but he doesn't want to out right tell you that because you're hot and he wants to get you in bed or keep you in bed.
Yes, most (young) men are dogs.
My advice from this point is for you to practice on getting your self-esteem higher. You are aware you're beautiful but you lower yourself for men, and care about what HE thinks or what HE wants. Start by knowing what YOU want, set some personal boundaries, and train yourself to take dating very SLOW.
Secondly, don't get your hopes up on this guy. My guess is again, that he's all for a physical (sexual) relationship but as far as a boyfriend/girlfriend type of thing goes, he's probably not ready. If you like him THAT much, be his friend strictly, until he is ready. Theultimate test on finding out what a guy wants with you is to NOT get physical with him, and see how long he sticks around.
Also, DO NOT let yourself get emotionally attached when dating. Keep your guard up, don't take anything serious. DON'T allow yourself to get played, or be a notch on a guy's bedpost. Get your self esteem higher, and KNOW you're better than that.
So stop calling this guy, and get out and meet new people, with a fresh start and with a mindset on GETTING to KNOW them. Don't have a relationship on your mind, it just makes you look desperate. DON'T fall for charms, a lot of guys know how to be slick and they know exactly what to say to get you in bed.
Yes, a lot of guys are jerks. But, if you get to know them before getting physical, you might let a beautiful relationship bloom. Nurture it, and a relationship grows, but there are never any guarantees.
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