Title: Couldn't be more than friends...

By: wulff

So about 3 years ago I fell for my best friend. To me she's always been something amazing. Anyways, I've tried going out with other women, but it never felt right.

I know she doesn't want to be anything more than friends. Covering this subject and having been told no five times (yeah, I know, pathetic). Finally, I tried staying out of contact with her for a few months. We barely spoke. Seemed like it had worked. I was capable of being attracted to other women again. So we decided to go hit a concert, seeing as it had been so long since we'd done anything.

Bad idea. Now she was in my head (and heart) again. Due to past experience with her, I've grown quite capable of hiding my feelings for her. Unfortunately, this time it was at the cost of going through physical pain. Throughout the evening I kept experiencing chest pains that got worse and worse until I dropped her off at home that night. After that, they slowed and weakened until they were gone.

I decided it would be best to have a talk with her about this. I requested some of her time, and she knew something was up, but didn't know what. I went to visit her and spilled my heart out. Told her I was feeling very strongly about her still and that I couldn't do it anymore. I knew what her answer was before I even told her, so I didn't ask her, I just said how I felt and asked her not to say anything. I couldn't bare another no.

Telling her that I couldn't just be friends with her hurt more than anything. I know it's probably the best way to deal with this since it hurts so much. Though it still doesn't feel right. She said she respected my decision and that I had gone to talk to her about it in person. Part of me kinda hoped she would fight it, but no such luck. Instead she said it sucked and gave me a very long hug and told me if I ever need her, I know where to find her.

Since then I've been just as bad a mess, but I don't wanna be the friend that keeps causing problems, if that makes any sense... Any advice would be appreciated, this is eating me up. Was there a better way to handle this? Thanks in advance.