I have a problem that is eating away at me. I have been dating a girl for almost five years now. We were still in high school when we met. We now attend the same college. She has always been mature beyond her years. I, too, have matured a lot for my age since coming to college. I used to be a little wild, but I now have my priorities strait. But there was a time when I didn't and she stuck with me through thick and thin.
My girlfriend has always been a moral person. We didn't have sex until we had been dating for over three years. The last year or so we have really stepped our relationship up. We are even moving in together soon. She has a friend whom she has known since she was a small child. They grew up together. He is the kind of guy who she doesn't want to be with, but they are good friends. He does all the things she doesn't care for; he drinks all the time, doesn't take things seriously, and will tell a girl anything she needs to hear to get her in bed.
About three weeks ago, she was driving through town and saw her friend dead drunk on the side of the road. She gave him a ride. He sweet talked her and told her how he had always loved her and how this couold be there last chance to be together despite the fact that he is in a long term relationship too. It worked. My girl slept with him that night. She told me right away and is really beating herself up over the whole incident. I understand that this is a guy who she has always cared for and will be friends with. It really bothers me that she did such a thing. This isn't the common case of cheating. Idated the girl for three years before we had sex. She wouldn't just do something like that. I told her that it really hurt me that this happened but that I am willing to work through it.
I love this girl with all my heart. She loves me too. She tells me all the time. She also told me that she needs time to work this out for herself. It goes like this: One day she is with me and is as happy as can be, the next day she is holding something backand says she needs some time, then she calls me and wants me to do something with her. She is obviously taking this really hard, but she has no idea what I am going through. I can't go one second without thinking of her. I told her that I am reaching out as far as I can, but that she has to grab hold of my hand. What is going on and what should I do?
Responses to this article:
--- Tuesday, April 19, 2005 -
Answer by: sam
Man, I first want to say that I'm sorry that all this has happened. My heart really goes out to you.
Well, damn. This is a tough situation, because there are so many emotions involved... not to mention you two have been together for five long years.
What I am about to say may not be what you hear, but it is what I honestly think.
I understand that you and your girlfriend have been together for so long, but the fact that she cheated on you so suddenly and in a heart beat, and not to mention that she has been pulling away emotionally from you -- should make you question even further of continuing this relationship.
Sex for women is emotional, and since she is usually a "moral" character (which BTW, you should question as well, since "moral" people don't just up and suddenly cheat on their long-term partners), you should really suspect something fishy going on. In her case, I believe that she DOES have feelings for her "friend", and the fact that she betrayed you so suddently should again, raise some eyebrows about her character, her trustworthiness, her supposed morality.
What you decide to do is up to you, but all I can do here is warn you about this girl. If she cheated on you once, she's capable of doing it again. The trust has been damaged in your relationship, and once trust is voilated, it is hard to get back. As for her friend, what is she going to do about him? She obviously has deeper feelings other than friendship, since she slept with him at the drop of a hat.
It's up to you whether you decide to forgive her or not. You two have some serious communication if this relationship has any can to survive. Counseling would be your best option if you decide you truly want to be with her.
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