Thanks so much for your response to my post awhile back "Where do things stand?" I really love all the advice you give people. You've given me advice a few times and I really appreciate it. I need some more, if your up to it.
First an update on my last post...My guy friend that things started happening with, well he decided to end things. He said he didn't want to ruin our friendship and that I might get too attached. I think it's more he realized that things weren't going to happen with us physically as quick as he would have liked. He's so indecisive, it makes me mad and I'm starting to realize he might not be the guy I thought he was. Even though I think he will remain a good friend once we get past the ackwardness.
In your response to me last post you said, "try to overcome your inexperience by being more tactile & like you suggested, see how he reacts to it. It can be very awkward when it's all new to you, you end up sending out all sorts of mixed messages when that's the last thing you wanted to do. It's tough. I'd make a point of giving it one last go, you haven't really tried to see where things could go so it'd be a bit of a shame to leave it at that. Be open about how you feel, feeling comfortable will help lots."
So I love this advice, but it's so hard for me to follow. As much as I want to do this I can't seem to let go of my insecurities, nervousness, etc... Things are over with that friend, but there has been another guy. We've kind of been flirting off and on since Sept. We went on a date in March to a movie. We held hands and he put his arm around. That's about all that happened. He gave me a long hug goodbye and almost kissed me, but didn't. It felt really right and I wasn't nervous, but I was waiting for him to make the move and he didn't.
Well to make it short...since then he's asked me to hang out, but it never ends up happening. He sends me all these texts saying how he wants to see me and misses me. Based on this I kinf of think he's not too interested or he'd be making more of an effort. I kind of feel like he's trying to keep me around, so he he wants to see me it will happen. Even though I'm feeling all this towards him I can't stop thinking about him, texting him, and wanting to hang out with him.
Well last Friday I ran into him when with some friends. He told me to call him later. I hadn't planned on it, but the night with me friends ended up horrible, so I called. He was near by with a friend and he told me to come visit. I went and hung out with him and the friend for about two hours. He was flirting with me. The first time the friend left he pulled me towards him and just gave me a really long hug. He stopped when the friend came back.
Then we were all leaving and while the guy friend waited in the car we said goodbye. Again he began with the really long hugs, telling me all these sweet things, and holding my hands. I could feel the kiss coming on and this time I got really nervous and shy about it. I couldn't look at him and he jokingly said what's so interesting over there. When I did look at him he kissed me. I feel like I gave him a horrible kiss, I'm really embarassed. So then we went our own ways.
After we left he sent me a text that said, "I could tell you didn't want a kiss I'm sorry, hope you don't stress over it, night you." I sent him one back that said I did want a kiss, but just got shy about it. I told him I liked being with him and wanted to see him again. He sent me one back that said, "Ok I guess we can try it again sometime." So I haven't heard from him since then. I gave in and sent him a text that just said hi and I hoped he was having a good week.
So I don't know what to do now or what to think? I really want to see this guy again and try to kiss again, but I'm scared that this one kiss turned him off. He just makes me feel so great when I'm with him. And if I do get to see him again should I say something to him about how I'm feeling?
I feel so embarassed, I just don't know how to get past the nervousness and shyness. Also I seem to get a horrible case of the giggles in these situations. I know the only way to get more comfortable is to practice, but how do I get comfortable enough for the practice? And I'm so worried about what the guy is thinking.
SORRY I talk a lot. I always feel like I really need to explain the situation, so every thing is known. I'd love some more of your great advice. Thanks again for sticking with me through this long post.
Responses to this article:
--- Friday, May 13, 2005 - SORRY Sam!
Answer by: Emma
Sam - I'm really sorry to have stepped on your toes with Summer's last post... your reply there was a bit unlike you - are you okay? You know how much I respect your responses, you give awesome advice, I just saw where the girl was coming from...
But yeah... Hi Summer! I'm pleased that my words helped you a little... you see, I'm quite alike you when it comes to guys & I admit that the whole "tactile business" doesn't come easy to me either because I'm rather shy too (& it's VERY difficult to overcome) :-(
Okay, so these vibes you’re getting from this other guy sound REALLY good - you ought to keep this in your head when you're around him. Know that he's attracted to you! Perhaps self-confidence comes into play when maybe you don't feel you can really "be yourself" around someone you're attracted to... I know that was my problem, also - finding it difficult to believe this one guy liked me & wanted to be more than friends...
It's really all about the way you think, when you're nervous, your heart's leaping about in your chest cavity & your legs have gone to jelly it can be difficult to talk properly, let alone "make moves" or send out "I'm really interested in you" vibes... that's why some guys get mixed signals & may even think twice about making a move on you...
Try your very best to relax & ENJOY his company... holding his hand, the hugs, stuff like that but whatever you do, don't think about THE KISS too much. When you feel comfortable, it'll happen naturally & you'll react better & be able to follow his lead...
Don't crucify yourself over whether you gave a bad kiss the last time, you're right - practice makes perfect so you need to get right back in that saddle & give it another go... the next time won't be so awkward... especially since he knows you want to kiss him.
Maybe, you should be vocal about it when you're getting closer to him... ya know, flirt... laugh about it, that ALWAYS eases the tension ;-)
It's sounds like you have a guy who wants to be with you, so go & be with him... don't let shyness ruin your chances - this guy will be worth that extra effort so don't let him get away, you can do this... all you need is confidence!
You go girlfriend... go get him! Keep us posted, I always enjoy reading your posts (which is why I always feel compelled to wade in & answer you!)
~ Emma ~
--- Thursday, May 12, 2005 -
Answer by: sam
You're welcome, by the way. :-) I'll be sure not to waste my time in the future.
What I think is that maybe this guy didnt give you the best of him first time around? Maybe he didnt know what he had? I really do not think you should be embarrassed. It seems like this guy is respecting what you want, but is also keen on you. I would vote for giving him a second chance. Maybe he will be better. But if you see that he is again turning into the man that you dont particularly fancy much, i'd say end it. If this happens multiple times- after you end things for the second time, dont give him a third chance, and move on.
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