Okay, this is going to be a long story, because I don't really know how to say it, or where to start....sorry!
To give you the basics ~ I'm an EXTREMELY shy 28 yr old with not too much experience with guys. I've been working at the same place with a guy for 4 years now. We are kind of "hi" and "bye" acquaintances, but definitely not what I would call friends. He's about 10 years older than me.
Although I knew who he was, I hadn't ever thought about him much until last year.
At the beginning of 2004 I made friends with someone who is also good friends with him, and she & I started spending lots of time together. One time, I told her that I thought he didn't like me, because he's a very loud & excessively complimentary person, but that what he said always seemed very fake.
After that, every time we'd go out for coffee or spend any time alone, she'd ALWAYS bring him into the conversation, either telling me stuff about him or just mentioning things he was doing/how he was going.
She's basically told me he's shy, his loudness is a cover-up for his insecurities and that he's had a hard time with woman in the past. She's said (not in the context of me) that he would be too scared to ask a woman out or show interest in her, because he's scared of being rejected.
At the staff Christmas party last year, he came up and said to me (he was pretty drunk) "You don't know how to take me, do you?". I said no, and he proceeded to say that he gives over-the-top compliments because people will accept them that way, and that he usually means what he says. Before he left that night, he kissed my hand (although just before that, he also kissed the hand of our mutual friend, who is much older and married).
ALSO at that time (sorry this is soooo long!) we had "Secret Santa" at work, and I got this guy (which I've since found out was arranged by the organiser). I put a lot of thought into all the presents I gave him, and throughout the week heard from our mutual friend how much he liked them & how he thought they were from someone who knew him really well & cared for him.....When he found out on the last day that it was me, although he came and said thankyou, he didn't even look at me, let alone sound all that enthusiastic. The last present I gave him was two movie ticket vouchers, which I was hoping he'd suggest we used together. But that of course, was nowhere NEAR happening.
Then, at various points since I've found all this out, a range of different people have talked to me about this guy, and several (about 5) have told me that he & I would make a good couple, that we have lots in common etc. When I told my friend about this, she admitted she's thought the same thing for a long time too, but that "if it's meant to happen, it'll happen".
This year, I've tried a couple of times to talk to him, but he never seems very interested, doesn't look at me & seems to ends the conversation as quickly as possible.
Now, I'm definitely not the hottest of woman. And that, amongst other things, means I definitely don't have the confidence to just ask him what's going...and I think that might confuse him anyway. And what if he's thinking I'm some loser & trying to avoid me? How embarrassing!
I'm sooooo confused. From what other people say, we're a good match. I'd certainly be interested in spending some time getting to know him better. But I don't understand if he's interested or completely repelled by me.
Can anyone give some advice or their opinions? I'd be really grateful...
Responses to this article:
--- Friday, May 13, 2005 -
Answer by: sam
Wow, someone who ACTUALLY appreciates the time people give in giving others advice... I am pleasantly surprised.
WistfullLucy -- you're very welcome, anytime. :-)
--- Friday, May 13, 2005 -
Answer by: Emma
Yep, I agree with everyone (great posts guys!), what have you got to lose? Take the chance! One of you has to! ;-)
Best of luck!
--- Friday, May 13, 2005 - Thankyou!!
Answer by: WistfulLucy
Sam, Sara & Lucy ~
Thankyou all very much for responding. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my spiel & value your advice.
Thanks again!
--- Thursday, May 12, 2005 -
Answer by: sam
Life really is too short. You like this guy, correct? So take the chance and ask him to lunch! What's the worst that could happen, he'll say no? At least then, you'd have your answer.
Take the chance, you may be pleasantly surprised. :-)
--- Thursday, May 12, 2005 -
Answer by: Sara
well what I get from just what you have written is that he IS into you and here is why. k you are a shy person just like him right? so think about the MORE you like a person the MORE shy you are right?
so like in the begining he may have been more loud and now its hard for him to make eye contact with you. It can't be because he is weirded out by you because he told your friend that he really liked all the gifts but yet he just gave you a simple thank you. it shows that it is hard for him to project his real feelings to you.
do you think that he would tell the friend if he was interested in you? or if he wasn't? Maybe you could get her to talk to him.
--- Thursday, May 12, 2005 - Hey, your name's the same as mine!!
Answer by: GreenDayShe
Hi, my name's Lucy too. Ok, as for advice. Like your friend said, this guy is shy. He may not know you like him and, who knows? Maybe he is having the same confusion about you and if you like him! All the signs that you have written point to shy. I'm sure it isnt you! But the thing is, if you do not try to make more contact with him, or perhaps ask him out, you will never really know how things end up. I know you have said you are shy, but if he is this shy (a likely possibility) then he probably wont do anything. What I say, is to gather your courage and ask him out for a lunch or something. Take it from there, and good luck!
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