Hi everyone, my name is Keno and I have been dating my man for 2 years total (1 year dating, 1 year engaged). Anyway let me get straight to the point, he keeps accusing me of sleeping with our roommate. Last night he started accusing me so I called on our roommate to clear things up, he told my man straight to his face, to believe me trust me, and he still doesn't. I am literally at my wits end. I love this man with all my heart and it seems that he is trying to push me away. I wouldn't have accepted his proposal if I was going to cheat on him. That's not me, I don't cheat especially on someone I love. I want to have his children and I want to marry him and grow old with him. But he won't stop accusing me. I don't know what to do, everytime I talk to him it's like he doesn't even care. If anybody out there can give me some much needed advice please do. I am also looking for a pen pal of sorts, just someone cool that I can talk to.
Responses to this article:
--- Friday, May 13, 2005 - Hard situation.
Answer by: minx
I had the same problem with my partner last year. We were sharing a flat with another couple. I was old friends with the guy we were living with and from pretty much day one he was paranoid that there was something going on. I sat him down, with our flatmate, and we discussed it openly to try and get the message through to him that nothing was going on, he never really came round, I think jealousy and paranoia is quite a hard issue to shake because nothing thats ever said will change how the person feels. Sometimes the only way to help them understand is by making a big gesture, and this can hurt you; for example, moving away from the flatmate - but this isn't fair and you shouldn't have to give in to that.
In the end it turned out it was my boyfriend who was sleeping with my flatmates girlfriend. Thats probably what started his paranoid off. I doubt its the same situation for you though. :)
--- Wednesday, May 4, 2005 -
Answer by: Emma
Hey Keno, sounds like your man doesn't trust you, even though he has no reason not to... that's really tough & I understand you being torn apart by this but you mustn't allow things to continue as they are...
He's driving you away & let him know it, tell him (even though, it's hard to do) that you won't tolerate him accusing you of things you haven't done, that he has to trust you if you are to have a future together & if he continues to behave this way that you are going to break off the engagement. Things need to change.
It seems you are putting up with how he's being because you love him so much but you need to question how much HE values the relationship... know what I'm saying? If you let him know how much it hurts when he accuses you of cheating on him & he can't believe you, or see the hurt in your eyes then you may have to accept that this relationship won't last.
Trust is the foundation of any relationship, if you don't have that, you don't have anything. Why he wants to push you away is another question... He might be taking this all out on you because he's the one who's cheating, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, I'm just looking for an answer. How long has he been accusing you of stuff? Have you ever given him reason not to trust you in the past? These are all things you ought to consider...
Firstly, talk to him; tell him how you feel, how you want things to be & how things need to change if you're going to marry him. Lay your cards on the table, compromise (if he's uncomfortable about this male roommate, find someplace else), it's all about give & take... and by giving, you are proving that you are trustworthy, that you are NOT a lady who cheats...
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