About three years ago I started working as a bartender at a relatively popular bar in my town. I met a really great guy and we became fast friends, despite a large age difference and opposite backgrounds. We joke and laugh and talk and have a blast together. We've often been told that we should date. At one point I had a small crush on him, but because I have a boyfriend (who I am very close to and love very much) nothing ever came of it. Both my boyfriend and my friend know of this past crush. My friend actually acknowledged that he felt the same. But as I said earlier, nothing ever came of it, and nothing ever will. The crush I had was when we first met and I have since gotten over it. But, because we are close friends and we spend time together, the people who frequent the bar that I work at and where I frequently hang out have started to (without realizing, I think) talk a lot of bull without knowing what they're talking about. Apparently when I hang out with my buddy, it looks like we are dating or that I like him more than a friend or vice versa. A couple of weeks ago another patron at the bar asked me if I'd ever date him (my friend) if I didn't have a boyfriend, and because I thought it was a ridiculous question and I refused to answer, assumed the answer was yes and has continually harassed me about it since. I guess it wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't have a boyfriend who I love so much. I wouldn't care if I was picked on about anything else, but being picked on about another guy is embarrassing and potentially disrupting. Anyway, I spoke to my boyfriend about it and he said that he completely trusts me and knows I wouldn't do anything with my friend, but also stated that he understands why people are saying stuff, since my friend and I flirt around and when we hang out, my boyfriend said, it is easy to think we may possibly be a couple. This seriously bothers me. The last thing I want is for even my boyfriend to say these things. I'm thinking of possibly ending my friendship with this guy, because I think if we couldn't be completely ourselves with each other our friendship would be a sham. But I also love my boyfriend very much and even though he trusts me, I would rather not have an additional stress that could, in the long run, effect us. I am also sick of getting picked on about a small, non-important subject. So, I need some advice, should I end my friendship with this guy? And if not, what should I do? Thanks.
Responses to this article:
--- Monday, May 30, 2005 -
Answer by: kisses
If i were you, i would NOT end my friendship with this guy. You two seem like too good of friends to just end it now. It's natural for girls to flirt with other guys while they also have a boyfriend-even if they know it won't lead anywhere. I think it happens almost subconsiously. As long as your boyfriend trusts you and knows you'd never do anything with your friend that would hurt the relationship, that should be all that matters. I wouldnt let what other people are saying make it so you'd have to end a wonderful friendship with your buddy, which in the long run-would probably be worse than what the people are saying now. I just want you to know that you should be able to be friends with whoever you want with out all the pressure and people telling you you're doing something wrong. Think about it before you end this relationship with yourfriend. Think about it very carefully! Good luck-and i hope you make the right decision for yourself.
LOVE QUESTIONS & ANSWERS: Love Q & A : Get your love & relationship questions answered - NEW!! Love Q&A Forum | Old Love Q&A Love Pros : Professional Help with love's challenges & relationships
