Is it ok just to give up on everything? I mean, just being that person who is there but goes unnoticed, but doing it by choice. It just seems to have gotten all pointless, and not even worth trying to figure out, much less trying to do something about, any more. Waiting for the inevitable to occure, what ever that might be, and just letting fate take its punches at you and not giving any real responce in the hopes it'll get bored and go and find someone else to give a double does to. I hate where things seem to always go to with me and doing something seems to turn out just as bad as doing nothing at all, doing nothing seems like a much easier way to handle it, whats the point if its going to turn out bad anyway, might as well put as little work into things going bad as possible. I just don't know anymore and have no clue as how to handle anything in my life, its all stagnant and not going anywere worth wild. I just wish there was someone or something out there that would just help me brake this string of bad luck, karma, fate, or what ever you like to call it.
Responses to this article:
--- Monday, June 27, 2005 -
Answer by: fenix1230
Humblot...I'm going to guess you go to Humbolt University! Am I right? Psychic powers working at max capacity! Either way, you don't sound like you should have a problem getting a girl. The problem sounds like you try to positive, but once something goes wrong, you're a half empty type of guy. You definitely get too worked up over the little things, and need to just realize that somethings will go good, somethings will go bad, but that in the end, it's really all a game of chance.
Emma has good advice for finding a new job, but I feel you can still go out with you co-workers. Now by go out, I mean be friends, and go drink. Then you meet their friends, and then you can hook up. You need to see every challenge as an opportunity to make it work for you. Can't date your co-worker, then date her friend. C'mon man, you're surrounded by girls! It's college!
You definitely need to begin to take things less seriously. Life is only as hard as you make it.
--- Monday, June 27, 2005 - Sorry it's a bit late...
Answer by: Emma
HumboltPenguin, all of these things which you describe are unfortunate - I'm not about to argue against that - but I'm sure there are positive things as well... it can't all be bad...
Firstly - would you be prepared to look for another job? It seems, working in your current job, there are many constraints on your social life and though it may be a good job, working nights and so on is definitely not something anyone would want to be doing for too long...
Working "normal hours" and being around different faces would broaden your social horizons. It's deflating to feel as though you are "stuck in a rut" and it can seriously knock your confidence, making you feel as though there isn't any light at the end of the tunnel... but there is, there always is.
As for your looks, to me that really wasn't going to be an issue (& I'm not just trying to make you feel better)... but you sound pretty attractive to me - maybe a "tad" too tall for me - but attractive all the same ;-) A quality that I picked up on is you being highly considerate of others (by covering these hours for your colleague)... so many guys would be awkward about it so, in that respect, you are a refreshing change.
I would say though, since your work load has been this way for a few years, you ought to maybe be a little more assertive in the future. Others often trample over good-natured people and take them for granted so let people know if things are too much, otherwise you cross over into doormat territory.
I would just like to say, you are a guy that I would like to get to know if I were around you. It may seem as though you put lots of effort into things & get very little in return but it always pays off in the end... you might be considerate to someone new who comes along one day and hey presto... a date... and so on... don't let others & misfortune spoil your naturally desirable qualities, just be careful to know when enough is enough.
Whatever you do, don't give up trying. Switching jobs would open up lots of new options so it's, at least, something to consider. It sounds as though something life-changing is in order.
Good luck! I really do hope that things work out the way you want them to, keep smilin' :-)
Emma x
--- Saturday, June 25, 2005 - Whats Wrong With Me?
Answer by: HumboltPenguin
I feel like I cursed, nothing I do turns out very well or badly to be more percise. I'm not a bad person, I am ill-tempered much of the time, but then much of the time I think I've been kicked in the balls when it comes to my luck.
Examples:
1) I rescude a pair of very young birds, put them back up in their nest, two day's later they fell out, so I put them back up again, both times the parrents seemed to take them back, but it now seems that they have died, because the parrents are no loger feeding them and they are no longer making noise, thats my luck, and it not only depresses me, it really pisses me off.
2) For the past few years my schedual at work has been god aulful because I've been covering hours so a coworker could go and get her BA and what do I get from it? I get to work with someone who has been working there for 2 years less than me, but gets paid more than me and on top of that she is still trying to negotiate her hours so she can work the day's she wants to, if it wasn't for our supervisor I would be stuck with the hours she doesn't want (probably will anyway though, it'll happen some how.)
3) I bought a new car about 1 1/2 years ago, got a damb good deal on it, but guess what, the prosses of checking my credit expossed a mistake by the school I work for and I'm now paying them back an amount each month that is over $50 more than the car payment. I had to fight with them to re-adjust my witholdings so I wasn't paying the witholdings again on the amount that I was paying back, and here's the kicker, the school claimed at first that only 2 of their 900+ employees had this occure to them, then after requesting a full oddit of the school they claimed to have found 6 more that it happened with, which by cauicidance all work in the exact same department and job as me, basicly all my coworkers, one of which wouldn't have been effected by this error that occured because she was a part time employee at the time and wasn't salaried, she was paid by the month. They still haven't compleated any audit to my knowlage.
3) I have a really good job, ignoring the above problem, the only problem is being an employee of the school kind of makes my social life, well lets put it this way, bland. There is an unwritten polocy that employee's are not to date or really even be friends with students, I have shund the second one, and are also not to date other employees. Yes I could go out and get a date elsewear, but since I work at night and usually get up early for one reason or another, I find that by the weekend I just don't feel like going out and dealing with the fundamentals of finding someone. So as it stands the only girls I know are either students or employee's of the school.
Those are just a few examples of what I have ended up facing the last few years.
As for what I look like, well I don't know if I'm good looking or not, I'm not vein enough to give a flying.... what ever. I'm 5'11-6'about 20-30lbs over weight (about 215, should be between 185 and 200). Hair: Brown (some thinning, I say I have the Bill Murry hairline going, see some of his 80's movies if you don't get it) Eye: Brown (Stuck with glasses), Nose: Brown... I mean about normal, Cloths: Bluegeans, usually a printed t-shirt or a button up Hawiian Collar shirt. I'm an average guy, I know I get looked at by girls, never approtched, don't know why, it could be I'm not they type of person people approtche without a reason. Girls I'm attracted to, well I can't really say, its not anything particular that I look for, usually they are shorter than me, and average in size, never extreamly overweight, I'm not a fan of blondes or blue eyes or model types (I perfer the average girl with brunetts/brown hair and brown eyes if you must know the truth), so I'm not fighting over girls who are "sought after", they are younger than me, but if I found a girl I was interested in which was older than me I wouldn't mind that either, just working at a college and being old enough to be well into earning a PhD at a normal age thats not likely to happen seeing that most of the girls at the school are going to be 17-24 (maybe 25-30 in the top range) other women there at the college tend to be 40+ and married.
Oh I also have the bad luck of becoming interested in a girl and being blind to any other girls I may talk to.
Also, one of my best friends is the coworker who has been working on her BA, and no I'm not attracted to her, its one of those situations were we act like siblings, and we have a major personallity clash when one comes right down to it (I don't think it helped any that she keeps comparing me to members of her family either).
--- Friday, June 24, 2005 -
Answer by: Emma
Fenix, I just love your candid responses - great replies to the other posts btw :-)
Nice to have you back!
--- Thursday, June 23, 2005 - What happened
Answer by: fenix1230
First off, like Emma said, what the heck happened? Not, not to be mean or contentious, but how do you look? Seriously, are you short, fat, ugly? Do you take care of yourself, or dress like an extra hobo in Oliver! I mean, this despondent, disconsolate, defeatist attitude generally stems from some sort of manifestation of your life. And one you find out what is make you so bitter and miserable, you can take steps towards alleviating this pain, and hopefully get passed it altogether. Look, if you’re fat, go to gym. If you’re ugly, stop aiming so damn high. If you’re short, go to the gym and dress towards your height, and also, stop aiming so damn high (literally). I mean, there is a plethora of reasons people give up, and honestly, most of them are so superficial and pedantic that they can be found to be meaningless once you have given yourself the ability to look from the outside in. You just need to find out why you’re so sad. I don’t think I’d be reaching if I said I think you don’t have a girlfriend, and really wish you had one. That every girl you like either doesn’t give you the time of day, or the ones that do, just don’t turn out the way you wanted them to. I may get heat for this, but girls are a dime a dozen. They can be swayed for pretty much anything, and having them is not all that difficult, or that great. Just find out what you don’t like, and change it, and the girls will follow. Now if it’s not about girl, then not am I wrong, but then you’re an idiot for posting on love boards.
--- Thursday, June 23, 2005 - To - HumboltPenguin
Answer by: Emma
There is love inside each one of us. I don't believe anyone is beyond reach, no matter how many times they've been hurt, no matter how many knock-backs they've suffered - if the right person comes along, everything changes...
If I may ask, why do you feel the way you describe? Have you been badly hurt in the past?
There is someone for everyone and that includes you. Don't ever sell yourself short, everyone has attractive qualities which appeal to different people... so if you don't believe that anyone would want to be with you, it's because you've yet to meet a person with whom you are compatible with... not because of who you are.
My heart goes out to you, it's heartbreaking because no one deserves being alone. No man is an island.
All I can say is - keep hope. I may paint a rosy picture of life at times and give answers which are black & white but I can understand someone being hurt, then choosing not to let anyone in... often, it just takes time, time to like yourself.
Take good care of yourself, don't let things get you too down.
--- Thursday, June 23, 2005 - Human Nature
Answer by: HumboltPenguin
I do still believe in the human condition and love, but I don't see it happening for me anymore, my nature and karma it seems is stained to the point that it shows in my personality, and nobody wants to be with some one who is ill tempered to the core.
--- Tuesday, June 21, 2005 -
Answer by: Emma
Hey,
I remember you from previous posts; you gave some excellent advice by the way ;-)
Okay, I don't know whether you are a believer but Christ never promised any of us an easy ride. Life is a struggle; no one has it easy even though it may seem that the grass is always greener on the other side, it rarely is...
I can only guess your personality but if feeling "unnoticed" is because you are naturally introverted or reserved... I understand how difficult it can be when you're not able to connect with others like everyone else seems to... If this is the case, you need to be brave, keep on trying new things, keep making the effort because chances are sooner or later it WILL pay off.
We all have our own vices, difficulties, whatever you want to call them & so what we "believe" we lack in ourselves, everyone else appears to have sussed... you need to alter your perspective, that's what I did - I'm the introvert, the serious one, the one who doesn't say much but I have learnt to accept that as me (no matter how crucified I've been because of it in the past )... this is the way God made me, so who am I to pick fault when others speak bad of me?
Explore your interests, look inside your heart... love yourself because it really is true, especially in today's world, if you don't everyone else will treat you like a piece of trash. Don't allow people to get you down & don't put yourself down... loneliness is the most painful thing but it is important to keep the faith, to have an optimistic outlook & to always have hope for the future...
Only you can make the changes you need to make for yourself, nobody else will help you out in this respect. Make plans, that's always a good start. Believe in yourself & take a pride in what you do (no matter how mundane it might be) because just when you least expect it someone will come into your life (if you don't already have anyone) who will turn your life around...
Some people have it easier than others... it's the way things go but it's the way you choose to handle it which counts. You have people to talk to here so, should you feel down, post again and I, for one, will do my best to make you feel a little better :-)
Keep smilin' You're in my prayers,
Emma
--- Monday, June 20, 2005 -
Answer by: tanny
You should never quit on yourself. The old saying is true: Nothing worthwhile is without hardwork, also: Life is a struggle. everyting that happens to you is done for a reason. It is so easy to just say forget it and just fold but it takes true perserverance, self discipline, and character to put up a fight. Good things may not come immediately but in the long run, it should pay off.
--- Monday, June 20, 2005 -
Answer by: kisses
Life is meant to be a learning experience. You can't expect everything to go your way every time. There are going to be points in your life where nothing goes right, or nothing seems worth while. But sooner or later, something will happen and you'll be glad you waited. You can't just sit around doing absolutely nothing hopeing something comes your way. It won't. YOU have to get out there and make something of yourself, make things happen, do something that you enjoy and get the most of your time. I don't know what else to tell you besides no, don't give up on everything.
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