Well...I have a boyfriend named Thomas. I really like him a lot and we get a long real well. The thing is my mom wouldn't approve of me going out with him because he is black. She isn't racist or anything, she just doesn't why we have to clash or something like that. It will be really hard being with him because I would have to sneek around. I really don't like to go behind my mom's back because I feel bad. I really like him though. SO I don't know if I should really stay with him or not...I need some advice.
Responses to this article:
--- Monday, June 27, 2005 -
Answer by: Emma
No problem, I hope things work out okay :-)
Take care
--- Saturday, June 25, 2005 - THANK YOU
Answer by: xcatwomanx89
Thank you so much, it really helped.
--- Saturday, June 25, 2005 -
Answer by: Emma
Well... it seems it's your mum who needs to change her general attitude and perception to relationships... placing looks and race above respect? Hmmm... that's adult of her.
Lol, yep - you are a young adult (my apologies). It seems, in this situation, you have a more mature approach to relationships that your mum does :-/
I say carry on seeing him... even if it doesn't seem as though it'll get too serious. This is a time when you are discovering who you are, the people you want to be around and what you want from life... and you are right to want your freedom... there are young people out there doing things which justify their parents disapproval.
As you understand, there is so much more to relationships that "looks and skin colour"... have fun, be mature about it and don't follow your mother's way of thinking.
I really hope you get the freedom you crave pretty soon. It's a difficult situation to be in, especially when all you want to do is be with someone you really like.
I hope everything works out.
--- Friday, June 24, 2005 - Thanks
Answer by: xcatwomanx89
She doesn't really know all too well, but I have known him for a couple years. We just never said anything to each other. I am almost 16...would that be considered as a young adult? lol My mom never likes any boy that I go out with if she doesn't think they are cute. Even if they respect more than the cute one...she is all about looks and skin color. I can't stand her sometimes.
I'm not really expecting our relationship to get really serious, I don't think I am ready for that yet (I recently came out of a very serious relationship) I just want freedom...which I don't get when I am with my mom.
--- Friday, June 24, 2005 -
Answer by: kisses
I know you can't help who you like. If you really like Thomas, you should be able to be with him. Maybe if your mom realized how much you like him and really want to be with him, she'd approve. Maybe she just needs to get to know Thomas (if she doesn't already).
--- Friday, June 24, 2005 -
Answer by: Emma
Hmmmm... this is tough, for a start - how old are you?
I mean - if you are a young adult then I'd say your mum needs to respect who you choose to go out with and deal with it... but if you are a younger teenager then I'd probably ask whether the friction caused by dating someone who your parents don't approve of is worth the hassle... not because of his colour (he could be purple for all I care) but High school relationships come and go don't they? Rarely do they become serious or long term, plus you're under your parents roof...
If creeping around makes you feel uncomfortable, maybe you shouldn't be too hasty in making any declarations about the two of you going out. Hang out, by all means - just don't flaunt anything more... go out with other friends and him... there's no reason for your mum to have all the details anyway so long as you're careful and you're home when she asks you to be (this'll backfire, if it turns out you're 32) :-)
Time will tell. The likelihood is, if you become serious, she'll get to know Thomas and his race won't be a big deal...
It's not all or nothing. Compromise... your mum wouldn't have a problem with you hanging out with him would she? Take things slow, any new relationship is all crazy at the start.
Maybe the others have better advice or experience of this?
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