So, I've been going out with this guy for 5 years and I love him more than anything on the planet. We have our problems, but, for the most part we're open and honest with each other about the things that bother us. But there's something I can't tell him. There's another guy who I am falling completely in love with. nothing has ever happened physically with this other guy, but whenever I'm with him I'm reminded of how fun I can be and how much I can feel. After 5 years together, you tend to forget how much you can feel inside. But this guy, wow, he just makes me feel fun and beautiful and amazing. I don't think he feels the same, even though he's told me he has a crush on me. I think it may be bull*&^%, but something deep down tells me it probably isn't. The thing is, you'd think that I'd feel bad about feeling this way, and because of my boyfriend, I do, but at the same time, it's such an awesome feeling. I just don't know what to do. Do I just say forget it, blow it off as a crush that I'll get over, or do I pursue it and give up possibly the best relationship and boyfriend that I've ever had? I've known this other guy for a long time but just recently began to see this other side of him. What do I do???
Responses to this article:
--- Friday, July 22, 2005 - Ugh...
Answer by: Red_Roses
Personally... I think you need to think really, really hard about what "love" is and isn't...
Because I'll tell you that love isn't about lying or sneaking around.
Yes, relationships go through "funks" and hard times, even confusion. This is completely normal. But where love come in -- is when you sit down and talk, and communicate to your partner about what you're feeling. When trouble arises in relationships, going to your partner and talking with them, rather than straying from them --is the right thing to do and the best thing for your relationship. In other words, honesty is really the best policy!
From my viewpoint, considering that you aren't married -- I think you shouldn't be with anyone at the moment. It is apparent that you are confused and unsure of what you want. While you aren't physical with this other guy, the physical stuff is bound to happen unless you make a choice to sever all contact with this "other" guy, and immediately confess to your boyfriend about what's been going on, and work to restore your relationship (with your boyfriend).
As for this other guy, maybe he just wants a good time. Who knows. But what's best for everybody is for you to be solo. You don't know what you want, and that's certainly not fair to your boyfriend to think everything's peachy while you hang around some other dude, thinking you are "in love" with someone else (as the title of your post indicates).
Your boyfriend doesn't deserve that, and you certainly need to be honest with yourself in all this as well. So, do the right thing. Do what your heart tells you to do.
I wish you happiness.
--- Tuesday, July 19, 2005 -
Answer by: Emma
These feelings accompany any relationship when it's fresh, new and exciting... but is it worth risking what you have with your boyfriend for something that may not last?
Time will tell, I reckon... give it a few more months; see if you still feel the same. You may have known this guy for a long time but this is different and you need to be sure of exactly what type of attraction it is you are feeling towards him...
In the meantime, focus on your boyfriend. If it is with him that you feel content, don't allow yourself to be tempted by this other guy or anyone else for that matter...
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