I just started a new relationship with a wonderful man who I know (because he's told me), is afraid of intimacy. He is the tenant of one of my best friends so I've known him for 3 years (really just "hi and bye" friends, a little chat here and there). I have been divorced twice and have 2 daughters (ages 2 and 8). He has been divorced once and has 2 sons (ages 4 and 6). It's been 7 months ince my 2nd divorce and about a months since his last relationship ended (his girlfriend of 2 1/2 years broke it off.) I know now that he had been attracted to me since he first met me a while back but I was married and he was involved, so nothing ever happened, we would never cheat anyway, it's not in us. Anyway, he finally DID ask me out and we went on a date and it was great but 3 days later he told me he wasn't ready for a new relationship because it was too soon for him. I understood, as it really was. 3 days later, he called me and said he really liked me, couldn't stop thinking about me, and wanted to try it again, but take it really slow and start as friends first. I told him that was fine, I wasn't in a rush to do anything. The "friends" stage last about 4 days and we ended up becoming quite intimate. He tells me contantly that I have the perfect body in his eyes (believe me, I don't), and he can't stop thinking about being with me, etc. I thought he was lying at first, as men sometimes do, but I truly believe him. My questions is, even though I know he likes me, is it bad to have someone have so much so called "lust" for you, say you're the best he's ever been with, or should I be flattered, which I am in a way? I know we've only been together for a week but I keep waiting for the phone call again, saying he's not ready and I don't want to think that way. How do I not?
Responses to this article:
--- Monday, July 25, 2005 - Sex is great...when you haven't had it
Answer by: fenix1230
emsmom313, first off, your name is just nasty considering what you're talking about. "Hi, I'm emily's mom, and man, I've been having lustful sex with this guy; nice to meet you."
You should be worried, that maybe he's just using this whole, "afraid of intimacy," to get you into bed. I bet you weren't even expecting to have sex, and before you knew it, you were too involved to stop. It's a great ploy really, and serves to get your guard down.
As for the "greatest sex" thing. Now I love nachos. No really, I fricken LOVE nachos. I don't eat them a lot though, and so I hadn't had nachos for a really really really long time. Well, the other day, at a barbecue I went to, the had nachos, and wouldn't you know it, I got some. Well, the cheese was runny, the chips stale, and compared to other places, not that great. But since I hadn't had nachos in close to a millenia, it was the best nachos I've every had! I mean, they were just great. See, that's you. He hasn't had sex in a while, probably feeling a little insecure after the divorce, and here comes good ole Em's mom to the rescue. How nice of you.
Now it's not bad to be lustful for someone, just realize that if there is nothing in your relationship other than attraction, it will fizzle once the two of you get used to seeing each other. I agree with the others, take it slow, but remember, if he says he wants to take it slow, then proceeds to pump himself into you without any hesitation, then you might want to rethink this relationship. Actions speak louder than words.
--- Saturday, July 23, 2005 - Take it slow...
Answer by: Red_Roses
Take it SLOW. You are already rushing things with this guy, and you two really don't know each other. You really don't even "know" him, only that he has been upfront with you about taking it slow. If you two rush things, you could ruin something that could have been great.
The first thing you MUST do, is to stay positive. Don't think "He's going to call me, and say he's not ready." Realize (and I'm sure you know this) that after getting out of a relationship with someone, beginning a new one is a challenge. You have to start all over. He's trying his hardest to get over his ex, and you're helping him do that. His flattery is truthful, although he may go overboard, he just wants you to know how you are in his eyes. Good luck
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