i have been dating a girl for 3 years and our relationship has been amazing. Throughout the years i made the mistake of not putting in as mch effort as she did and to her it didnt seem like i cared. I was still a good boyfriend and she still wrote me anniversary cards and told me how much she really loved me. She truely loved me and i took it for granted. This summer she met 3 guys from her work and they became good friends. I became jelious and i didnt really like her being with them but i let her do what she wanted. Her personality started to change and then she asked me for space because she needed time to think. So we went on a break for 3 weeks and i went back to her and asked her to give me another chance to show her how much i really loved her because i didnt do such a good job before. She accepted and we had an amazing 30 days. I had so much fun expressing my love to her and she seemed to enjoy it to. The other day out of the blue she wanted to break up again because she is scared. I am her first boyfriend and she said that those last 30 days were only done for me. She says she has moved on and doesnt love me anymore. Can love dissapear so quick? Or did she really not love me from the begging? What do i do....
Responses to this article:
--- Monday, August 15, 2005 -
Answer by: Red_Roses
The others made some very good points.
Love doesn't disappear. It can either grow stronger (and evolve), or -- it can slowly fade away.
Silvr350z, I'm sorry to say, but it sounds like this relationship has run its course. As someone wisely said below, relationships are built, but they also can be taken apart. There's a great book out there called "1001 Ways to be Romantic", and it states that relationships are not 50/50 -- but 100/100 percent. I completely agree with that, because relationships that are meant to last require both people working together. In all honesty, it sounds like she was putting in more energy and devotion to your relationship; such as writing you anniversary cards, expressing her love, etc. Eventually, she probably felt like she wanted reciprocation, and she wanted something that you weren't giving her.
I know this is hard to take, and I am sure you feel sad that the relationship has come to what it is now. But, you either have to take it as a lesson learned, and/or find someone whom you're more compatible with.
I wish you happiness.
--- Friday, August 5, 2005 - It wasn't quick at all
Answer by: fenix1230
silvr350z - Well, I can already guess that you value your car very highly, and want people to know what you drive. On a Web site that offers total anonymity, and in which you can create a pseudonym which will really bring out what you want people to know about you, you choose your car. Sounds like you have your priorities in the wrong places, and you value material possessions over other things.
That aside, your girlfriend, and more importantly her love in you, did not disappear so quickly. You yourself have stated that in the three years you have been together, you did not put much effort into the relationship, and that she felt you didn’t care. Well, taking away the first year in which no major wrong is done, and thinking that at about the one and a half year mark you got very comfortable with your relationship and started taking her for granted, she’s had at least one year of feelings of mistrust, being taken for granted and loneliness. The three guys she met, which sounds like a helluva way to get over someone, were merely the catalysts to her gaining her independence and leaving the relationship. Unfortunately, every time you decided to hang out with your friends, detail your car, go out with the boys, or just went home and never asked how her day was and console her, you pushed her away. Sure, at first, a person can put up with it, but after a while, when it continues to happen, and it becomes the norm, a person will accept it, and either decide to stay, or leave. Your girlfriend does care about you, but those 30 days served her in putting your relationship into perspective. I believe she thinks that doing that for you, pretending and giving into to her past feelings, that this was her gift, for all the history the two of your shared. Unfortunately, she has come to realize, that your relationship will never be the way she wants it to be, and that she deserved to be with someone who will recognize how important she is. These three guys however, well they showed her that there’s more to her life than being with you, and they’ve opened the door for her to new possibilities, new experiences and new and more deserving loves. She is scared, she might be scared of leaving what she’s known for three years, maybe she’s scared that if she stays with you, things will go back to the way they were, or maybe she’s scared of being with only one guy for the rest of her life. Who knows. But she does sound determined to leave. Your girl did love you, and probably still does, but relationships are built, and they are taken apart. She has pretty much decided that it’s over, and if you love her, and truly want her to be happy, you’ll let her leave. If you want to stay with her, then stay friends, and always be there, and eventually, the opportunity will arise when you can have her again. Trust me, it always happens.
I know it doesn’t sound like it, but the second option is the hardest. Can you stand being there, acting as friends when she seeing other guys, or worse yet, can you stand there, and wait, as she’s getting hurt by these other guys. You can be with her, but I think you should let her go. After all, she has already done so to you.
--- Friday, August 5, 2005 - R33D
Answer by: The Reality Factor
Hi Silvr,
Aww man, you messed yourself up. It seems to me as if you had yourself a great girl who really cared about you. I'd say she must have really loved you if she stayed with you for 3 long years while you put no effort into the relationship. You were a lucky guy I'd say. That ALONE proves how much she cared about you: sending anniversary cards year after year telling you how she felt while you... well... didn't do much at all!! I don't know what you did to get this girl, or even what act you put on, but it surely had her wrapped on you for a long time - even though you probably seemed dried out from her point of view. Now just imagine what could have been if you DID put the time and effort into it for the three long wasted years. Let's just say that you two would probably still be together now and for the years to come.
And now I will tell you what you really came to find out. You wanted to know if love can dissapear so quick. I find that to be a question many of us still have doubts about and I will tell you and who ever comes here to read and/or post their comments. Son, love CANNOT dimminish overnight.... it just don't work that way. This happened over some period of time, just like anything in this world. It could have begin waaay before she lost the interest she had in you, or even somewhere around the time she met some other guy that caught her attention [by surpise], and only by surprise because at the time she was highly vulnerable to such a thing happening. You just didn't realize it while it was happening... well, not until she dicided that she needed some space. A happy person would never get up one day and out of the blue tell you that they need space. Why so if they are happy and enjoy every moment with you? They'd want anything but space. After 3 long years, she'd probably be shifted towards the thought of marriage and having your child. Yet this young lady needs ****ing space?!!! I think you get the drift of where I'm going here? Sorry for the long paragraphs but I think it was needed to put more into your head and make you realize where you stand with her. Your ex didn't just up and leave you for no apparent reason, although there's the possibility of her being "fickle". But this usually deals with young and immature people, and after 3 years, I wouldn't think the word fits your case. Sorry to say it buddy but usually when you get a girl who really loves you, it's hard to rid of her. And for you, there's over 3 long years of proof. And just as it's hard to rid of them, it's hard to get them back and in most cases you can't. And for you, you have less than 25 percent of a chance. And why so? This girl played you! She went back out with you for 30 days just to make "YOU" happy; it wasn't for her. It probably meant nothing to her, or either she wanted to see if there was the possibility of a "rekindle". Obviously after 30 days of you putting on your best performance nothing clicked for her. Sp it's also obvious that your chances of getting her back aren't likely. Well, to give you the benifit of doubt, I'd say no time in the near future. I just hate to tell people that it's over.
You put yourself in the same position as thousands of other men do daily. And yet another man will wake up tomorrow to a loss and wont have the slightest clue as to why his girl left him... or "needed space". You know it's funny how the same words come out of over half the womens mouths on the the entire planet. It's become so popular that it's all you hear in movies now days. And with no doubt, us men are left scratching our heads...
Just get up on your feet and live. There are many other woman who would love to give you a shot. I'd say put on the same performance you put on to get your ex.. But this time, don't take having your girl for granted. Do what you need to do to make it a success. And who knowz, by some chance, your ex. might be knocking at your door.
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