Title:
Anyone who ever was at a <3 crossroads, pleaseHelp
By: russianbarbie
Please refer back to a posting I had left a few months back at :Saturday, April 16, 2005 - Friends / Lovers ?
Since this posting, my life has been turned upside down by this young man. I think I have fallen in love. It is now early September and he and I are best friends. I don't even know where to begin. But, ever since meeting, we have been inseperable. Not boyfriend/girlfriend, but best friends kind. We would spend every night on the phone , then see each other on weekends until July when my company(I'm fresh out of college) moved up to the town right where he works/lives as well, so we lunch it a few times a week, almost every day if he asks me if I will. Sometimse we'll go to his apartment, and he'll cook, or I'll bring food..We'll hang out, watch tv, have our hours' lunch break, and then sometimes, once in a blue moon,one will iniate a afternoon hookup session that is so fueled by passion. I always loved his company and knew he enjoyed mine as well. A few weeks ago, on a few weekends, a group of our friends took a few roadtrips..sometimes it was just he and I..going to my friends bbq and stopping at his grandparents beach house prior. I've practically met his WHOLE family. No one has done that, he's never brought anyone around supposedly, but I've met distant aunts/uncles, and been to the beach house a few times already. His whole family has commented on how nice his "girlfriend" is, but he's like "No, she's my friend" Everyone thinks we are bf/gf. My family thinks so bc of the amt of time we spend together; my friends are shady and wondernig what is going on. I don't even know myself to tell you the truth. I don't even think I'm making sense w/ this post bc I dont know how to explain it all. Anyways, as I was trying to say a few paragraphs up... A few weekends ago, after spending 10 hours together and not one arguement(like he and his ex would do), we met up w a couple , his friends who were getting married the next day. Well, twice he hinted or said, once to the waitress, "oh our friends are getting married, not us, at least not this week" then a few minutes later asked jokingly if i want to go run off to vegas that nite and get married... Then about, 2 weeks ago...We had gone out..movies, dinner..blah blah.. Were sitting outside his place after we had gotten home and he had 2 beers, and said " would u wanna get married? we'll go to vegas then have a few kids" OK, this was 2 beers, not 5, so what the heck? Jokingly I was like "yah and let's start trying to make children tonight too" and we started kissing...u know the rest... The next day.. He called me once in the evening from some get together, and next day..same thing.. Sparce convo... but immediately wanted to have lunch that Monday work week. So, we did.. had fun..ate blah blah.. Then all week off and on..kinda quiet..had lunch..but still.. ALITTLE weird.. After that, came Saturday..we were going to a concert..He wanted to leave early...Were together from 2pm-1am. Drove down to his grandparents house again at the beach, talked to them, met another uncle, then drove back up for the concert... Had fun at the concert but it was a sappy band so i dunno what it was.. but he was somewhat quiet and I felt upset.. I feel like at times he puts a wall up and other times, we have these AMAZING times.. So, I confronted him..and he said for the last week or so he'd been thinking of his ex, who was obsessed w/ him, that he broke up with..and how she was doing.. Just felt bad from it all..It was..about 6 months ago..just before we met...but they were pretty serious... but were terrible together. From all the stories I've heard, she was very inconsiderate, childish, etc... I'm very upset.. I don't know what to think or what to do. I have a feeling that yah, maybe he's partially not over her or not ready for me, and I'm getting too involved. Last night, I went out w/ him and his best guy friend to some sort of dinner dance, and his friend's friend had shown interest in me, and my friend saw and didn't realize at first.. but saw I didn't show interest.. The rest of the night was great, but when we were parting ways, he's like yah im really tired, and kinda pulled away from kissing bc he said his family was gonna be home soon, which was true..but still... I dunno. :( What would u do though? From all aspects, please help!!!! Do I completely back off from being friends? Do I wait it out? What to do??? Thank you so much
Responses to this article:
--- Friday, September 9, 2005 -
Answer by: Red_Roses
Oh, girl.
Have you ever read that book "He's Just Not That Into You"?
Girl, from one woman to another -- don't get your hopes up on a wishy-washy guy. He sounds uncertain and doesn't know what he wants. Don't you think it's a bit of a slap across the face for him to be thinking about his ex? If you continue to sleep with him, that's your prerogative -- but you'll be playing with fire, and could get burned.
--- Wednesday, September 7, 2005 - What on earth?
Answer by: love pro adviser
Okay then. Now I can see the story clearer now. But this is just not ordinary. I have no idea to tell you what to tell him because I'm sorry to say this but he's not ready then. Maybe he only wants you for his company. Maybe your his star attraction around his family. I have no idea!! I would'nt know what to be able to say to you to help you out because of him. I really think that he is not ready to be committed as the so called "couple" and because of that, your getting off of him on the wrong track. I really think that he's not committed to you a a whole, he only wants you to keep company with him. Thats all I can say. I'll try to see if I can ask the other people affiliated on the website and get back to you. Good luck then in the mean time.
Adrian Barcomb/Love pro Adviser
--- Tuesday, September 6, 2005 - Still confused...
Answer by: Russianbarbie
I'm sorry to say, that I'm still somewhat confused.
I have somewhat "went for it" or brought it up, waaay back in the beginning when we had first gotten physical. Both he and I aren't usually like that, and I didnt know how react. Right away, I questioned whether we'd become a couple and he responded "if in time it happens, then it does. I would love to call you my girlfriend but let's see how we go" Mind you this is after mind boggling mental connection, having a TON of things in common, just hitting it off on every level. It felt or feels like the kind you see in the movies. Our sense of humors plays off one another so well, that every time I think about it, I am shocked. Anywho, I have brought up "what we were" about 2 times since knowing one another and it sorta threw him for a loop. The 2nd time, we were driving back a pretty good distance and I asked why he was acting cold or distant, not lovey dovey with me walking around, and he responded by saying we're friends..this and that...that he wasn't ready yet for anything.. That was..hmm..about 2 months ago..at first he didn't want to kiss or anything right after that bc he thought I'd get the wrong idea, but then slowly a week or two later, we fell right back into place, he iniated it all, and one night after work we went completely for it. It's been pretty good the last month or so..seeing one another almost every day, but he used to call me ...at night and such... But I do think this not calling so often thing started when he started thinking of the ex.
So what do I do? Back off? I don't want to attempt to tell him anything if he feels nothing for me..
I know they say actions speak louder than words, but how much so?
Helppppppp please!
--- Tuesday, September 6, 2005 - Step back and let the pro tell you!
Answer by: love pro adviser
Well now!. We have a hard case here. I very glad you posted this long story and least to say, I read and understood it all. I can see that this "guy" you like is really active for some reason. Maybe that you can say something. I mean YOU need to be the one to ask him out. He's not putting up any walls or anything, he really enjoys company where ever he goes. And it's understandable that he think's of his ex, thats normal. Don't wait it out. You'll never get to him in time if you wait it out. I say and influence you to "go for it!". I really think that if you have on e of those normal lunches, bring this up. If he responds, thats a good thing. If he does not respond, Try to understand whats wrong. Try to help him out and be there for him that his ex was'nt there for. Be more better than his ex and promise that and trust me, you'll see a reaction. He's just really active to let you know on that, in case you did'nt pick that up yet. So do that and good luck with my advise.
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