My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. We love eachother very much and have a healthy relationship. We communicate well and have fun together and trust eachother, we are eachothers best friend. We plan to have a future together... we plan to move in together in the near future and possibly get married in a few years.
However, lately i have been obsessing about the not-so-good parts of our relationship. all couples bicker and annoy eachother, at times badly, but for some reason i keep thinking that the things that i dont really like about him are going to drive us to break up. they arent bad things either! just little quirks that get on my nerves (at times alot), but in my mind, it makes me think the relationship is doomed. for example, he is the type of person that has an answer for everything. if i say "white", he'll say "but it could be black!". he is very opinionated and opened minded and has told me over and over that he doesnt have an aswer for everything to try to "one up" me, or put me down, or proove me wrong, but its just the way he is. i can sometimes get VERY aggrivated at this quirk of his, never hurt, but annoyed! and ive been thinking "this annoys me alot, we cant possibly spend the rest of our lives together then." i know this is irrational bc i need to learn to accept his faults, as he has accepted mine. but i cant help worrying that the things that annoy me will turn into like HORRIBLY built up anger in the future.
i have no intention of breaking up with him. if i broke up with this wonderful, caring man over his quirks that i dont like, i know id be very foolish. but i always focus on negative things about us rather then good. i alyalize all the bad stuff rather then look at the big picture.... like what a good father he'll be, or how much fun we have and how close we've grown and how we are always there for eachother. why am i doing this?
i really need some advice because this is driving me crazy!! its almost like i feel that i need a "perfect" relationship before i move in with someone, which i know doesnt exsist.
heeelp :) thanks in advace
Responses to this article:
--- Tuesday, September 13, 2005 -
Answer by: konway
Carrie,
I have a good friend who has a boyfriend who is just like how your boyfriend sounds. Mr. Know-it-All-I'm-right-about-everything. But, on the other hand, he is wonderful to her and loves her very much and would do anything for her. She too gets frustrated sometimes and they fight, but the next time I see them they're back to being happy. It sounds like this guy is pretty great, but maybe doesn't realize he's "one uping" you when you discuss something. Or maybe he just enjoys a good debate. Explain to him that you don't mind having a good heated discussion now and again but it seems like there's never a break. From what you're saying though, it sounds like your relationship is pretty balanced and that the two of you are on the same wave length. It also sounds like you are over analyzing everything, not just his confrontational manner. The fact that thinking about fatherhood and all the other minor details of your relationship makes me think that you're either legitimately, extremely worried about your relationship ending or you actually really want it to. If the latter is the case, don't lie to yourself, get out before it gets anymore serious, but if you want to be with him, do just that, be with him and don't worry too much about what COULD happen.
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