hi, 35 male, fell in love last dec 04, with someone who is stunning and intelligent, french teacher, and known of her for a long time and didnt like her attitude until we were alone and i saw a differewnt side to her.... When i say attractive,she is ., but like me, very insecure, but she takes it to the extreme, very vain, which i dont have a problem with, but also telling people how attractive she is, which i think is odd? its a though she needs constant reassurance off whoever to make herself feel good!, and any bad remark made is a major insult ,i.e they m ust be jealous etc,,, point is, we were both players before we meet, i had a reputation, so did she, both been hurt, but she reckoned she would hurt and use men on purpose, which i thought was odd, however, she had a varied upbringing, dad beat mom etc etc, and now after many years she is having councilling for past traumas, she is now 31 but idoliszes her father after all what he did, and granted her past relationships have been fiery, i.e hanging out with dead heads, she was very close to our local hells angels folk, and went out with a notrious criminal/hard man from where i live before we meet., 4 years ago, who also beat her and as her other x did , then we meet, and i think, tall order this, but , give it a go, nothing to loose, etc, then we fall in love etc , but since july its not on a level anymore,,,, whether we moved to quick, but i own house, she has appartment, every thing was fab, she was a good time girl, me same, but for once i couldnt give atoss about playing etc, so she asked me to move in and i rent my house out etc, talked about marriage kids etc then come her six week holiday decided to go back on a lot of thibgs she said, i.e need to go out, its a release as ive broke up, take coke etc etc, all the things she was happy to leave behind, so i question it again and again which probably make matters worse hence pushes them futher away....anyway moved in for a day, then out, but its seems to be going downhill fast, she is a strong woman, plus fiery, and says she loves me but needs time out, but all the little things that she used to say are not said anymore.... is she playing me now...she knows id do anything for her which is nice , but i dont feel im getting it back? why is this, is it because she knows im after a reaction or is she not bothererd, ??? im lost , cause i have never been in this position before, its always been me in contol, but for once i thought we were on a level........ basically, all i need to know is, how do or can i find out whether im wasting my time when i think i am, but am been told otherwise????she knows i love her immensley, so is she taking liberties? or walking over me, or just trying to help our relationship???
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--- Saturday, October 1, 2005 - Bi-polar?
Answer by: Red_Roses
How often does she get counseling? It sounds like she needs to keep getting it, and more of it; I hope that she is seeing an experienced psychologist who would be able to help her sort out through her past family issues/bad relationships/low-self esteem-security issues, etc.
After reading your post, I am wondering if she is bi-polar? The way you describe her, your constant describing of her being "fiery", and the description of the men she hangs around with -- and with her being a "player" and "needing to go out" leaves me wondering. Tall-tale warning signs of being bi-polar are people who have moods that are very emotionally up and down, who get easily "bored", and who are promiscuous.
There isn't anything you can really do to save her from her pain --except encourage her to see her counselor; perhaps talking her into seeing an experienced psychologist, and more frequently. Check out some sites on bi-polarism and see if it describes her behaviors. Even though you state she is in counseling, it doesn't apprear to be benefitting her in her life according to your post. When you say "take coke", are you saying that she also has a history of drug abuse?
Bottom line here is that this woman is in a great deal of pain and needs help. Unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do to change her; SHE needs to reach out and get the help she desperately needs. All you can do, should you choose, is to be there to support her through her counseling, with great encouragement and support. Sadly, you cannot be her savior -- SHE alone needs to take that step, but try to encourage her postively to continue to go in the right direction by getting more and better counseling.
I really wish you and her the best. Keep us updated.
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