This guy and I have known each other for 12 years. We both recently got divorced. He let me know his always cared and loved me, but couldn't let me know how he felt. So we started dating, and dated for 9 months. Got engaged, started looking for a house, I got pregnant (pretty much in that order). We broke up and both started dating other people. He actually moved in with a woman 16 years older than him, I just dated. Two months later he wanted to get back with me, he was miserable without me, and they had nothing in common he said. we started dating again and things were going great. Unfortunately this woman and he started to communicate again. Then one night he comes to me saying he loves me, but he loves her!! How can this be when he's been telling me what a mistake she was earlier this summer, and he didn't know what he was thinking. Anyway I told him to leave and not ever to call or visit me again. He called me the next night asking for some stuff he supposedlyleft here. When I said all I had was a few movies he yelled and said he'd see me in court. I didn't hear from him for a week. Then I got 6 messages from him all within a 24 hour time spane. When I called him back he once again wanted his stuff, but now the list had grown. I still didn't have the stuff, but did ask him about my library movie that he still hadn't returned, which he keeps promising to do the next time his in my town. I said I'd put his movies on the porch, he said no he wanted to meet me somewhere that someone could take them off the porch. I said I wouldn't meet him that he could get them from the porch if he wanted them. He said he'd see me in court then hung up. That was a week ago today, and I haven't heard from him since. Do you think he's just confused? How could he love two of us at the same time, Is she more of a mother figure to him (his own mother was horrible)? Most of our friends say he'll be back because he's loved me for so long, and only known her for a few months, but how can I be sure (I know he did once)? I don't want to wait around for ever, but I do really love him, and all I think about is him. Should I try to talk to him, or completely ignore and break all communication like I am doing? My friends say he won't be able to stand not seeing me or talking to me for long, and he'll be back. I do know he asked me why we couldn't stay friends and that he didn't want to give up our 12 year friendship. Do you think absence will make him realize his true feelings for me like it did this summer, or will I loose him to this other woman who he is now once again living with? What should I do? How should I proceed with this whole thing? I don't want to push him away forever, but I don't want to try to get him back if this is going to happen everytime she comes back into our lives. How can I get him to stick to a decision and how can I know he has before I take him back (if that opportunity even comes up). I have other guys that are wanting to date me but all I can think about is the one I just broke up with. PLEASE HELP!!!
Responses to this article:
--- Friday, September 16, 2005 -
Answer by: Red_Roses
Marie, my advice still stands in your other post "does he really love me".
It really bothers me when women fall all over for an absolute creep that disposes them like they're garbage. Marie, hindsight is 20/20. If this guy loved you and wanted to be with you, he WOULD be. I hate to say this, but it sounds like he doesn't want a commitment. He sounds like a USER. WHY are you listening to your friends on this? Are you all just doormats for the common jerk? Hon -- you're only 35. Life does not stop there. In fact, you're still young. Realize your potential and self worth, and STOP wasting your time on this creep.
Don't you want a man who will treat you well, with respect, and care? This guy isn't it. Leave this one in the past, don't look back, and look towards the future.
My other advice is that you talk to a therapist to help you get through this difficult time.
And to Adrian -- you're welcome. I personally have never read the book, but Enigma (who used to grace this site) used to mention it all the time. The title itself speaks volumes.
--- Friday, September 16, 2005 - Oh my God!
Answer by: love pro adviser
Two words. Holy ****! why are you still affiliating with him in the beginning? Thats a wrong mistake right there. My advise to you, don't try to affiliate with him at all and just move on with your life. He will probably call you again, that is a definate. He even said, he'll see you in court. But are you there yet? no. I'll tell you why. Because he still does have a thing for you. But are you both together? no. And i'll tell you why again. It's because that he really is still not ready to commit to being back with you again. He just trying to see what you would say if he say's that stuff. Of course by the way you put it, He really doesn't mean it. So my advise is to just move on and try to understand, He doesn't know a better polite way to start a conversation with you because there is something in his heart, but his mind is burning a fiery anger issue. So good luck with that and takemine and everyone elses response wisely.
Adrain Barcomb/love pro Adviser
P.S. And to Red_Roses concerning the Crossroad> question, Thank you for pointing out that book. I really needed someone to help me out with that question. And that book really answered it. Thank you!! and yes, That book rocks! But no she didn't know 'bout that book.
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