Title: Update & Hurt

By: Annex

I am Annex from LoveQA - 2005-09
"She broke up with me, but I still Love her."

I gave her space and eventually she sent me a letter with her feelings. It hurt and it had things that were meant to hurt me, she even started by warning me that reading it would hurt. It had things that happened in our relationship and we talked about, but the she took out of context or she seemed to forget parts....blah blah blah.

She had asked for a response so I wrote one. After she read my response she said that I didn't precieve something right. She started to reread her letter and she said that she didn't mean it this way and said how she did mean it. And another thing she admitted was a lot worse then she meant it... So on and so forth. Not taking it all back but some.

One of my responses was that I never thought you did or do love me, but I thought you did have feelings that were worth exploring, and letting grow. She said that I read that wrong, which I had. She said that she did (that is past tense) love me and that she doesn't know if she still has those feelings for me or not.

Now I am not planning to ask her anytime soon if she still does have feelings for me or not. But it is something I want to know even if she doesn't. And even if she does I am at a point I do know that it wouldn't mean we would be getting back together. The only way I can see that we would is if she came to me and said that she loves me and realized that we can still work out if we both put effort in. I know that isn't going to happen. But eventually, not for many months, I want to ask her.

She was my first love though and I still do love her. I am still giving her space, I only see her if she wants to talk, which isn't often. Hasn't been for a few weeks. Or if we run into each other at friends. The latter happened last night. We talked like friends and it was nice, but there was a lot of tension.

So should I ask her, and if so how soon, I don't want it to be to soon?

And if I do run into her how can I try cut through the tension?


P.S. And yes I still have the urge to one day ask her out again, but I don't see it happening anytime soon. But I do want to, and I do think about it. And when I do think about it I think how may or June would be good or even July, our first date was fireworks on July 3'rd. That is somehting we have already talked about going to as friends depending on how things are between us, but I think about asking her to them as a date. I know I shouldn't think about this, or should I? Is it bad that I still have hope she might want to try again. Oh and when I say try again I mean one date with the only expectation being that if she enjoyed it and was still attracted to me then we talk about a second date. This is also something that if I do won't be for a long time, so I do realize my feelings could change.

P.P.S. I feel I should remind if you didn't read my old post that we were friends before we started dating, and still want to be now. And say that the reason I am saying so much is that we have had problems with not being clear enough, even in talking, not just the letters.