my bf of 2yr is a bartender. where do i start...lol when we first started dating he drank alot, but he found out he has hepititas c, so he quit drinking for about 8 months which was great. now being a bartender he has to flirt of course it's part of his job so to speak, the problem is that when he drinks while working he gets very friendly with the women, i know he did it with me! like openning the door that leeds to get back behind the bar where there is a hallway and he kisses almost all the women hello and goodbye, now when he is sober it's just a quick harmless peck but when he is drinking it's grouping, tongue down the throat and who knows what else.
i told him i didn't think i could handle continuing our relationship knowing that he is making out w/all the women in there every night, at 1st he got mad and said he wouldn't stop but then he asked the advice of one of his close friends and his friend told him he should stop because what he is doing could leed to other things. so with his friends advice he stopped or so he said he did. then i find out a yr later that he is still doing it, his excuse ev1 said he wasn't friendly anymore. he swore that he wasn't doing anything more than just a quick hug and peck so i got over it and moved on.
my problem now is that he is dinking again sometimes i go down toward the end of the night and he is just sloppy drunk. i can only get away with going down there late because he dosen't want me in there at first it was because he can't handle the guys trying to pickup on me so he says,i am 41 and he thinks i'm a hottie, he is 54 nice looking very affectionate he treats me well always asking me what i'm doing with his old self. now i find out that he is hiring a girl to be barback on there busy nights fri-sat, now this girl used to do it a while back b-4 we started seeing each other, i met her at a wedding of one of his customers, she asked me why she never sees me at the bar and i told her because he gets jealous if i dance with his friends ect. then she says your kidding (and she sticks her tongue out and says u mean mr. tongue down the throat david gets jealous of u, with how he is with all the women he has no room to be like that.
i am really having a hard time coping with the whole situation it's borthering me really bad and he basically is telling me that's his job and i have nothing to say about it, now i have to worry about what is going now that he has a women working behind the bar with him, i don't know what to do should i leave him should i just cope with it, i really don't know if he would cheat on me or not. but it is eating up inside. and by the way he was in a relationship w/some1 else when he was trying to make out with me behind the door he says he wasn't in love with her like he is with me. i really need some input please!
Responses to this article:
--- Monday, October 10, 2005 -
Answer by: Red_Roses
Filfeisty,
What this guy is doing to you is NOT okay.
This guy is clearly cheating on you upfront by "making out" with lots of other women (and not hiding that fact), but there is no telling what else he has done -- behind your back. It's clear enough that he can't be trusted AT ALL WHATSOEVER, let alone his obvious lack of respect for you as a person.
I know it probably hurts, but when it comes to toxic people, you just have to tell yourself that you are better off without them. Relationships are built on trust, along with love, and devotion -- and without those things, a relationship won't work.
What this guy loves is hitting the bottle. He clearly has a drinking problem.
Bottom line is that this guy has told you he wouldn't stop, and despite the "advice" his friend gave him, he is STILL DOING IT, with no care of your feelings or the "relationship" he has with you.
Honey, for real -- the writing is on the wall, and while you're reading it, you know what you need to do. Kick this guy to the curb.
--- Monday, October 10, 2005 - What are you doing?
Answer by: chrysta44
I know that I'm not as mature as you and probably don't know love like you do but honnestly, I hate to say it but this guy isn't in love with you.
If he loved you he wouldn't have any desire to kiss or hug any other women. He would only do it if he had too. And since when do bar tenders get all friendly with their female customers. It seems like he's trying to make you believe that you guys have a sincere relashionship. And when you met him, you said he had a girlfriend, that should have been a clue. I tried that once, the guy broke up with his girlfriend to be with me and guess what happened next...he was cheating on me.
This guy seems hypocritacle, why is it that he's aloud to be kissing all these girls and you're not allowed to even show up there to dance with his friends. It's like he's trying to hide something from you. I'm sorry but this guy is an ASS HOLE! You deserve a man that will worship the ground you walk on and would never even try to cheat on you.
My advice to you is take a break. Try meeting new people. Your an independant women, go strut your style in some other bar. A women like you can defenatly meet another man that's ten times better to you. If you find yourself in total depression, and if you feel like this guy is the only person that can make you happy, maybe try couples therapy.
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